August 15th, 2008
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Well, we did it. It took some scrambling, but we finished. Take a look at all of our EPL previews here.
Then, take a look at another site’s previews of the Big Four [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
How the English view American EPL fans [The Beautiful Game]
It was just a rumor this morning, but apparently MLS has accepted Rangers’ bid for Maurice Edu [Soccer by Ives]
There’s more
Rafa picks him from where he left–bitching about ownership [Sports Illsutrated]
Zenit cut price for a cup-tied Arshavin [Soccernet]
Newspaper indignant that workers doing minimum-wage jobs at big clubs recieve minimum-wage for their services [Daily Star]
Chinese embarrassed by rough play of soccer team at Olympics [The Epoch Times]
And, finally:
SBI confirms what we reported earlier: Bruce Arena to coach Galaxy [SBI]
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Football-Player.
“West Bromwich Albion Football Club (also known as West Brom, The Baggies, Albion, The Albion, The Throstles or WBA) are an English professional football club based in West Bromwich, West Midlands. The club was formed in 1878 by workers from Salter’s Spring Works in West Bromwich, and have played their home games at The Hawthorns since 1900.”
Oh, Wikipedia, you magical source of information. The only thing worth noting about WBA is that they open their return to the Premiership tomorrow morning (7:45AM EST) against my beloved Gunners.
Alright, there may be a little more.
West Brom’s manager has been Tony Mowbray since 2006, and in that time he is 48-22-27 in leading the club back to the Premiership. Knowing that stiffer competition was ahead, chairman Jeremy Pearce let loose the purse-strings (relatively) for the summer transfer season and got rid of some dead weight.
Out are: Luke Steele (to Barnsley); Zoltan Gera (to Fulham; didn’t he used to play for COBRA?); Martin Albrechtsen (to Derby); Curtis Davies (to Aston Villa); and Kevin Phillips (to Birmingham).
In are: Roman Bednar (Heart of Midlothian); Michal Danek (Viktoria Plzen); Kim Do-Heon (Seongnam Ilhwa Chunma); Luke Moore (Aston Villa); Gianni Zuiverloon (Heerenveen); Graham Dorrans (Livingston); Marek Cech (FC Porto); Scott Carson (Liverpool); Abdoulaye Meite (Bolton).
Basically, they got rid of a bunch of guys that no one has heard of, and picked up a bunch of guys that no one has heard of pluse Moore, Carson and Meite. To make things even more confusing, they sport a defender named Paul Robinson and a defender named Pele.
New transfers Moore (thigh injury) and Zuiverloon (Dutch Olympic squad) are not available to Mowbray for the next few weeks. In addition, starting midfielder Robert Koren is recovering from a knee injury, as is starting defender Neil Clement. For the foreseeable future, Meite will replace Clement and Kim will start for Koren. What this means is that West Brom will be forced to field a team that is barely starting to come together as they push to stay up.
Unfortunately for the Baggies, they start off their season with matches @Arsenal, home against Everton, @Bolton, home against West Ham United, home against Aston Villa, and @Middlesbrough. Thus, in all likelihood they are looking at a record of 1-5 starting off October with their 1 win coming at the Reebok. In the end, however, most people are convinced that Hull and Stoke are going back down, so all West Brom has to do is outlast one other team. Call it 16th place by the skin of their teeth, and a second straight season in the Premiership for 2009/2010.
Well kids, that wraps up our EPL team previews (barely finished in time!). Enjoy all the matches this weekend, and may your favorite club win. Unless you support WBA. Then you can fuck off.
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL Season Preview and The NY Kid and West Bromwich Albion.
With the departures of Keller, Bocanegra, and McBride, Craven Cottage will be decidedly less xenophobic this season.
On the upside, fewer Americans might also mean less of a struggle to avoid the drop.
Or not.
Last season the Cottagers won four of their last five to keep their Premiership afloat. And even then it was just barely as they survived on goal difference alone. But Keller was the keeper during that run, and McBride also returned to the line-up shortly before then, giving the team an emotional (and scoring) lift. So the Americans had a strong hand in keeping Mohamed Al-Fayed’s club in the top tier.
See, we don’t hate all brown people.
Anyway, Roy Hodgson has made some decent off season moves. Andy Johnson isn’t one of them.
Bringing Mark Schwartzer over from Boro and Fredrik Stoor in from Rosenborg should help shore up the defense. Remember, Fulham lost three of their first four by a score of 2-1. In all three of those instances they either held a lead at some point (Ha, ha, Lehmann) or were level at the 75th minute or later. They then drew their next four fixtures after holding late leads in two of them.
In other words, if they hadn’t sucked late early, they wouldn’t have been worrying so late. The upgrades in back should help them defend leads, assuming of course they get some.
To that end Bobby Zamora is a serviceable striker who should give the Cottagers a little scoring boost. Also allowing Clint Dempsey to play a more comfortable midfield position should help the same. Hell, just having Jimmy Bullard healthy for a full season will be beneficial. Plus, even with the lower Yank quotient, Fulham maintains a soft spot in my heart simply for fielding a player who could be Bob Pollard’s body double (and he plays like a guy with bulldog skin).
The Cottagers also benefit by the widening gulf between the Premiership in the Championship. Hull and Stoke are almost locks to finish 19th and 20th. That means that Fulham (and everyone else for that matter) just have to be better than one more team.
And in a league with Stupid Fucking Bolton, that shouldn’t be too tough.
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL Season Preview and Fulham and Fulhamerica and Precious Roy and Stupid Fucking Bolton.
You can’t talk about Sunderland without talking about Blighted English Shipping Towns, Sex Parties, and yes, Roy Keane. Whenever they think they are going to turn the corner, there is someone there to kick them in the knees. Just a few days ago, a Tory-friendly think-tank ravages the northern cities like Sunderland and urging people to give up and move. In a quote from the report, they state:
“Sunderland demonstrates just how hard it is to regenerate such a city. It is time to stop pretending there is a bright future for Sunderland and ask ourselves instead what we need to do to offer people in Sunderland better prospects.”
As goes Jones, so goes the season.
They have a point: stop pretending there is a bright future for Sunderland and ask ourselves why don’t they move it along?
We strive to be positive here, so I’ll be positive about Sunderland - their biggest fan website is named after a wonder John Coltrane Song that always moves me in a positive way. We can only hope it moves the Sunderland fans positively.
Sunderland is a team that will live and die by its coach. But when the coach overshadows their best players, this is a sign that it will be a team dragged through the season performing up to their level of mediocrity. They lost 21 matches last year, only registering six draws. Yet, they managed to hang on and avoided relegation. Now they feel flush with success.
Talent?
They picked up Steed Malbranque and El-Hadji Diouf in the transfer market. This will help them hold onto the ball as they seemed to suffer from that fact last year. They picked up three of the four players from Tottenham that Keane wanted.
Chopra is sitting out a suspension for three games, and Kenwyne Jones and his hobbling knee was recently worked on, and the club is hanging its hopes on the idea that he can start practicing in October, and not Christmas as first thought. Jones is a leader on the pitch, and held up the line. This will leave a void for Coach Roy to scramble to fill. Keiran Richardson has come over from Man. U. and, if he can stay healthy, he will have something to prove.
No One Wants To Play Here
Keane spent 40 Million Pounds in the transfer market last summer, and the news was the WaGs were not happy with the shopping up there. Meanwhile, they managed to save themselves from relegation. He’s spending all of his time trying to put a good face on the town. They need someone in the midfield to replace Jonny Evans, who couldn’t wait to split town. They still need a striker.
Prediction
Sunderland’s idea of tactical planning is ’surprising’ Liverpool and jumping ahead early. This will be somewhat of a challenge, as they conceded the first goal in 24 matches last year. They started fast last year, before shooting their collective wad early, and dropping off the map. Maybe someone should tell Keane the season is much longer than 8 matches.
Many hope this will be the year that they end up getting relegated. I for one, don’t see that happening. They will end up in the middle of the pack, muddling along. Which may be the best this once-busy blue collar town can hope for.
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL Season Preview and Moonshine Mike and Sunderland.
So…Kevin Keegan has finally got his man. Deportivo’s Argentinean defender Fabricio Coloccini has finally signed for Newcastle
today. But here at Unprofessional Foul we are never to be outdone by credible, established football sites..Oh NO. While everyone else discusses the atributes and skills of Coloccini and what he could bring to the Newcastle side, I am going to pay some attention to the ridiculous mop of hair that surrounds that Argentine bonce. What the f— IS that? Is it 1985? Is he 16? Does he play in a glam rock band? Well if that head of hair is going to be appreciated by any Premiership manager it’ll be old
Kelvin Koogan. The Koogster was known for his own head of hair back in the day. He took the perm to new heights..literally!
So with Coloccini’s frilly fop ready to grace the Premiership this weekend I thought we should have a look at some other horrendous do’s that have invaded the world’s pitches.
But I cannot depart on this crusade alone..Oh no..I am not nearly qualified enough to criticize the flopping, rising, combed, bouncy, curling bangs of others…So I reached out for some help…Tyson Kennedy works for top stylist and famous head pruner Rodney Cutler. He also fronts the band ‘Steriogram’. Check them out
here and
here. Good stuff eh? Welcome back! Anyway I asked Tyson to have a look at some of the main offenders with me…The worst…AND most interesting
barnets that have ever crossed the white line…Lets start with Coloccini’s new employer..The Koogster…
Take it away Tyson?
TK: Reminiscent of the dashboard jesus bobble head… The butt of many bad perm jokes, big hair to match big hips. However, it was one of the most sought after hairstyles of the 80s. (Bigus-…and the 70’s!).
Bobby Charlton
He may have played 106 times for England and scored 49 goals but I am ignoring that to point out that Bobby ‘the comb over’ Charlton had one horric hairstyle..Just think how many goals he could have scored without that fop in his face?
TK: If this comb over was any further back, he’d be combing his arse.
Roberto Baggio
Ah Roberto Baggio…A great player, but remembered most for his blown penalty at the 1994 World Cup.
TK: WHAT? WHAT? Is there something crawling in my hair??
Abel Xavier
Oh lord.. Abel Xavier…Squeaking out the last days of his career at the Galaxy.. This is a beauty! With a matching beard!
TK: I call this look… the man’s man Prince. I would love to see him in an ascott singing ‘Purple Rain’.
Chris Waddle
You can keep your
‘diamond lights’ waddle. Wowser, what can you say, I am almost lost for words…
TK: “When I’m not posing for my mugshot, my hair doubles as a scarf”.
Carlos Valderrama
Now where is Carlos Valderama when You need him? When my kid throws up on the floor or when the windscreen on the Dickus family wagon needs a wash? General household work? I think he has missed out on a wonderful makerting opportunity. The ‘Valderama!’
“One swoosh in the loo, and your toilets like new!”
TK: TROLL DOLL!
Toda
Toda: This Japanese international had a short and forgetable spell with Spurs…These days he can been seen at the local bingo hall with the other tint and rinise oldies…
TK: “This comes in an array of colors. I can’t go anywhere unless my hair matches my handbag”.
Rio Ferdinand.
Rio experimented with the corn rows…No one should be that hungry!
TK: There is nothing more intimidating than the European Gangster! WORD!
Ruud Gullit
Ruud Gullit…The departing Galaxy manager used to look like this….
TK: When a seagull shits on your head it’s supposed to be lucky… right?
Jason Lee
Oooo.Oooo This next beaut is one of my faves! Before ‘Clerks’ and ‘My Name is Earl’ there was THIS Jason Lee. Fans used to serenade him (to the tune of ‘He’s got the whole World in his hands’) He’s got a pineapple, on his head, he’s got a pineapple, on his head. He’s got a pineaple, on his head… Pineapple on his head!.
TK: This haircut is for the man that wants to mop up the opposition.
Carlos Puyol
Carlos Puyol currently plays for Barcelona and just last week, U.F ‘er The Likely Lad got a close up when Barca trained in Central Park. Click
here for that (I am a shameless whoare!).
TK: DAGGIEST OF DAGGY DAGS!
For anyone not from the southern hemmisphere… DAG means shite hanging from sheep’s bum. (Tyler is from New Zealand..You know, Flight of the Conchords, the Haka, Rugby, racing and beer, I think that’s it?-They are easily amused!).
Bacary Sagna
Arsenal’s fleet footed right back Bacary Sagna…He has a chord hanging from his shorts. Give it a pull and the curtains close. Evening ladies! That picture makes old Bigus want to buy one of those beaded carseat ‘back’ massagers.
TK: Bo Derek on Steriods…
David Beckham
Beckham has had more hair styles than the cast of Grease…This one was obviously inspired by DeNiro’s character in Taxi Driver. Beckham is more ‘tickle’ than ‘Bickle’ however!
TK: Sharp looking dude, imagine what he’s capable of once his golden balls drop!
Christian Ziege
Ahh German tough guy Christian Ziege…Travis Bickle again…”Ar zu torking tu me”!
TK: “Mom, I think I just used depilatory cream instead of hair gel.”
Alexi Lalas
Now, He has just been fired by the L.A Galaxy and he reckons the M.L.S is as good as the Premier League (One good reason why he got fired!). Yep it’s Alexi Lalas. The hairy U.S international used to rock the Jesus look.
TK: I love the mixture of the bibical look and 70s vagina.
Fabriccio Coluccini
Finally lets look at the mop at the top. The hair that inspired this piece. Newcastles Argie defender Fabriccio Coluccini. Wigs are sure to appear at St james park immediatley. Those Geordies are extremely un-imaginative and very predictable .
TK: This is the Michaelangelo’s David look… comes with small package.
Thanks to Tyson for joining me wade through a mind blowing collection of the bristly, the brushy, the wooley, The fuzzy and of course the daggy!
Find Tyson at Cutler, here.
Bigus is taking a break next week. I haven’t won anything, but I am off to Disney. You know you’ll miss me!
-Bigus.
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and bad hair and fabricio coloccini.
Harry Redknapp is rightly celebrated in the south of England. After saving Portsmouth from relegation, he put the pieces together for an impressive campaign last year. Top half of the League. A spot in the UEFA Cup. And
an FA Cup that, while perhaps tarnished by a fortunate run of matches (though they did take down United in the quarters), still stands as the first FA Cup won in 13 years by a club other than the Big Four of United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool.
‘Arry. The Pompey faithful. Fratton Park . A squad built on steel, muscle, and experience. Playing in a crusty old ground that vibrates every weekend. Managed by a self-promoting but exceedingly personable character who may still be underrated. If there is a side that better personifies the battling nature that should define the middle of the Premiership table, I haven’t found them. Pompey give the Tottenhams’ of the world the shits one would normally get from bad lasagna.
After the jump, I’ll preview YOUR 2009-09 Portsmouth Blue Army…
Harry overpaid for Peter Crouch . 11m pounds. Really? For a guy who couldn’t really get a run at Liverpool and who specializes in terrorizing Macedonia? But the bean pole has underrated ball skills and, after all, just…scores…goals. He returns to Portsmouth to pair Wee Speed Demon Jermaine Defoe in certainly one of the most mouth-watering strike forces in the League. Pompey will score. And we’ll finally see what a full season brings out of Crouch.
David James. It’s almost hard to remember his moniker “Calamity.” Is he the best keeper in the Prem? His gaffes are more rare, and there are few better pure shot-blockers. I’d say fully 17 clubs in the league would take him in a heartbeat.
The Portsmouth back came together impressively last year. Former Hammer and Chelsea bust Glen Johnson has become perhaps England’s best right back. On the left, Herman Hreidarsson…ok, I don’t know a fucking thing about him. But the pairing of Sylvain Distin and slowing-but-proud Sol Campbell are about as stout as any center-half pair this side of United, Chelsea and Liverpool. And ‘Arry brought in Spurs’ reject Younes Kaboul to deputize the back. This is exactly the kind of move that works out for ‘Arry more often than not.
In the middle, former Chelsea and Arsenal man Lassana Diarra proved the big clubs wrong with a special season in a reserved role. And you may have seen Croatian Niko Kranjcar providing service to his mates in the Euro this summer (the link was from an, umm, prior match). The man can play.
In fact, Portsmouth’s one true weakness to this observer is on the wing. ‘Arry lost underrated Sulley Muntari to Mourinho’s Inter (of course, ‘Arry doubled his money on the sale). This will hurt. But where are the wings? You’ve got Peter Crouch’s head up there! Who’s going to ping them off that towering noggin? Width is Portsmouth’s one true question.
My Chelsea get Pompey this weekend. I’m not sweating the match too much, but it will be fun to open the season against this lot. If you’re looking for a club in the Premiership to follow, you could do much worse. Prediction? They’ll be, to my mind, right in the mix for 5th through 7th with Villa and Spurs (I’ve dropped City and Everton from this frame). Villa has to wonder about Gareth Barry’s attitude. Spurs have to knit a whole new squad. Harry is smiling like a Cheshire Cat. Call it 6th.
I’ll leave you with Pompey’s famous song. The Pompey Chimes. Sing it with me to the Westminster Chimes.
Play up Pompey, Pompey play up!
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL Season Preview and autoglass and portsmouth.
Former Liverpool midfielder Mo Sissoko has signed a one-year contract extension with Juventus which will keep him at the Serie A giants until 2013.
The Mali international only moved to Turin in January, helping Claudio Ranieri’s side finish third last term in their first season back in the top-flight.
“I am delighted with the agreement,” said Sissoko.
“Juventus are a big club and, thanks to my team-mates, it has been easy to settle here. Now we have to concentrate on our goal of reaching the Champions League group stage.”
Juve face Artmedia Petrzalka in the third qualifying round of the competition this month.
Written by eugeniu on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Football-Player.
Tomorrow marks the beginning of our 9 month footie wonderland known as the EPL season. Opening day is like Christmas morning for all involved. Everybody has dreams of grandeur, expecting every item on your Christmas wish-list to be crossed-off by Santa Claus. Unfortunately, as in life, the EPL season doesn’t grant all wishes and the Grinch (Sir Alex, Arsene Wenger, Scolari, Rafa, O’neil, whomever you like) sometimes kicks your teeth in and ruins the day for you.
That said, today is Christmas Eve and my wish list (read predictions) is below. It is based in some actual analysis and much hopefulness. Feel free to add your Christmas Eve Wish List in the comments.
My far fetched dreams are at the top of the table, much of the rest is how I think it will play out, although I hope Bolton goes down and Fulham stays up. If pressed, I would say the top 3 will play out in this order Chelsea, Man U, Liverthird.
1. Liverpool
2. Chelsea
3. Manchester United
4. Tottenham
——————–
5. Arsenal
6. Aston Villa
——————–
7. Portsmouth
8. Man City
9. Everton
10. Newcastle
11. West Ham
12. Sunderland
13. Middlesbrough
14. Wigan
15. Bolton
16. Blackburn
17. West Brom
———————
18. Fulham
19. Hull
20. Stoke City
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Christmas Wishes and The Fan's Attic and predictions.
The English FA have just started a program called ‘Respect’ and it’s aimed to improve the relations between players and the men in black as well as clearing the misunderstanding of referees. Here’s the advertisement:
Didn’t expect Capello to turn up, eh?
Written by DROGBALLS on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on English FA and The Red Cauldron and Video and respect.
Anyone clicking over from Deadspin on noticing that half The Closer post never made it up can find the rest of it (with a paragraph overlap to get you started) after the jump. I’ll leave it up until things get fixed on Gawker servers.
…
Go back to Deadspin. Post is all better.
Written by Darkvader on August 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Oops fuck and Precious Roy.
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