Bigus Dickus
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So the Stewart Downing transfer saga is set to dominate January much like the Gareth Barry saga dominated the summer. Downing handed his written transfer request in after Spurs tabled an offer for the left winger, but Middlesbrough have refused to accept the request and will try to hang on to their star player. Downing signed a 5 year deal under a year ago and it is likely Boro are holding out for a silly offer. They are in a good position financially and don’t really need to sell.
Stay tuned for this one to drrrrrrraaaaaaaaag.
In other transfer news, Spurs say that Portsmouth want too much for Jermaine Defoe. Harry Redknap has been gibbering non-stop about how much he misses his tiny forward and the BBC says the clubs differ in valuing Defoe by around 1.5 million. Now come on Tottenham, If you are willing to admit you made a mistake by selling one of your best players, you should be prepared to pay for that mistake when trying to re-sign him. This is the desperation of January and if Wayne Bridge is worth 10 million, then 16 Million should secure Defoe’s signature. I am sure this one will be quicker than the Downing Saga (sounds like a Jeffrey Archer novel eh? Brad Pitt film to follow). Defoe missed Saturday’s FA Cup game due to ‘illness’. Yeah right! Ismellcash-itus is more like it!
Written by Darkvader on January 5th, 2009 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Stewart Downing and UF Quick Throws.
Wayne Bridge on show at the City of Manchester Stadium before today’s game with Forest.
Wayne Bridge was unveiled to the fans before Manchester City’s shocking home defeat with Nottingham Forest today.
Bridge has signed for a fee of around 10 million pounds on a 4 and a half year deal from Chelsea. The signing is the first, of what is expected to be, numerous high profile acquisitions over the next month.
Man City lost to Forest 3-0 in an absolute shocker in Manchester today, as the Premier League’s (and maybe the World’s) richest side crashed out of the FA Cup to Nottingham Forest who currently sit 21st in the Coca Cola Championship. The three goals all came from Forest forwards. Nathan Tyson scored after 37 mins. Robert Earnshaw made it 2-0, 4 mins from half-time and youngster Joe Garner hit the third into Joe Harts bottom right corner on 74 mins. The loss will pile the pressure onto Mark Hughes who has his expensive City team just 2 points above the Premier League relegation zone. Today’s game was the first for Forest’s new manager Billy Davies and he saw his side win at Man City with just 31% of the possession.
-Bigus
Written by Darkvader on January 3rd, 2009 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Manchester City and Nottingham Forest and Wayne Bridge and cup shockers and giant killing.
Michael Nelson gets familiar with team mate Jamie McCunnie.
The FA Cup is well under way, but we have a shock already today! Hartlepool of league 1 have beaten Premier League side Stoke 2-0. To celebrate such a giant killing, here is a picture from the game. As you can see, Michael Nelson got a bit excited about the result! Leave your captions in the comments. I will pick a winner on Tuesday. As always, the gift of free speech is up for grabs in the form of a post on UF. Good Luck.
-Bigus
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Written by Darkvader on January 3rd, 2009 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and caption competition and who wants to win big?.
And we are off. The great Manchester City spending spree is underway, after they agreed to a 12 million pound transfer with Spartak Laaandon for runner-up left back Wayne Bridge. But is Bridge worth that much? And how much will Manchester City be ripped off by, when all is said and done on Feb 2nd?
Manchester City are tying up the loose ends (physical, signatures, etc.) for Ashley Cole’s stand in (for club and country) making Wayne Bridge the best paid full back in old blighty. Take that Cole, you money grabbing douche! The deal is apparently worth 12 million to Chelsea and a whopping 21 million to Bridge, who looks as if he will be getting 5.2 million smackers a year. He WILL have to play though…Sucks for him!
Meanwhile it looks as if Chelsea are skint. Not only does Scolari have no money to spend but players are being sold without his say so.
“It’s better you ask Peter, because he knows everything that has happened. Wayne is here today, that’s what I know.” -Big Phil.
By Peter he means Peter Kenyon. Mouthpiece of bullshit and douche bag extraordinaire. But stop, forget Kenyon…What a turn up for the books this is. Chelsea have spent 650 million on transfer fees alone during the Roman Abrahmovic era, but now, is the cheque book is firmly closed? Has the oil dried up? Abrahmovic is certainly feeling the pinch of the current economic crisis. The Russian even cancelled his New Years Eve party in Aspen, Colorado. Good job eh?
So, Bridge is the first. Who’s next? Kaka? Eto? Alex? Ribery? Adriano? Owen? Given? Bellamy? Villa? Defoe? Silva? As I write this, Santa Cruz is planning his escape to the penthouse by claiming that City are set to sign him.
If you believe the papers then City are going to hit 3 figures this January and take over Chelsea’s title of the EPL’s (suck it Barclays) frivolous ‘big spenders’. But one thing is for sure. Everyone knows they have money and everyone knows they want to spend it. Bridge is no way worth 12 million and his elevated transfer fee will be the first of many. There is literally a heavy price that comes with all that cash. But as his pencil runs down the wanted list, I’m sure Mark Hughes won’t mind one little bit.
-Bigus
Written by Darkvader on January 2nd, 2009 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Manchester City and Wayne Bridge and frivolity and getting ripped off and lots of cash.
Q.P.R’s Martin Rowlands and Watford’s Ross Jenkins last Friday.
All I wanted from Santa this Christmas was 3 points. Just 3. Is that too much to ask from Forest at home and a trip to Selhurst Park? I must have been a naughty boy this year. Football is a miserable bloody game. Anyway, follow me for a look at the Christmas fixtures. Who kept off the Christmas pudding and who played like a bunch of them.
Lets start at the top of the table shall we? As we enter the January transfer window, Wolves are looking to strengthen. They have had to return promising England defender Michael Mancienne to Chelsea and have made an offer for Rangers forward Alan Gow, who has been on loan at Blackpool this term. Over the Christmas period, Wolves gained just 2 points with draws at home to Sheffield United and away to Blackpool. Still, Mick McCarthy’s men are 7 clear at the top, have 58 points going into January and look good to run away with the league. They are showing no signs of a collapse, and have lost just once in their last 13 games. As long as they stick to their rhetoric and hang onto Ebanks-Blake and Michael Kightly in the next few weeks they should head to the Premiership in May.
Reading are sitting in second and have scored the second most goals in the league this term. Coppell’s men have smacked in 32 at home, conceding only 8 and have scored just one goal less that Wolves this season. However they failed to capitalize on Wolves 2 points over Christmas and Reading were involved in two draws of their own. On Boxing day they tied 1-1 at home to Cardiff and were held to the same result last Sunday at Southampton. Coppell will be disappointed with these results seeing that maximum points would have had his team just 3 points behind pace setters Wolves. Steve Coppell was manager of the month for December and Reading haven’t lost in their last 8 games.
Bongo FC also failed to recapture second spot over Christmas. They beat Ip..Ip..Ip them 1-0 at Portaloo Road but could only manage a 0-0 draw at home to the Swans. The week before they were beaten at home 3-1 by Reading and for me this result decided the second place in this league. Bongo has depth but Reading are on fire, in the goals and Coppell has the experience at this level to keep their run going. Alex McLeish is likely going to have to settle for the play-offs this year. I can see Bongo making the final, but I can also see them staying down.
Cardiff City bagged four points over Christmas to keep themselves in the playoff hunt but they will need to spend in January to stay there. Loanee Michael Chopra was recalled by Sunderland’s new boss Ricky Sbragia and the former bluebirds man was scoring goals for his former team of late. 5 in his 8 games on loan. They have also lost Wayne Routledge as the Villa loanee decided to join Q.P.R today. Both will be sorely missed. McCormack is back from injury but I can’t see Cardiff staying in the top 6. They just don’t have enough, but who knows.
Bloody Burnley were bloody useless over Christmas. They lost to Doncaster and Barnsley, both games by a score of 2-1. Still, Burnley have been pretty solid of late, winning at Bristol City and beating Sheffield United. They let in too many goals on the road but I think Burnley will be a surprise inclusion in the play-offs. They have a good squad and have been pretty consistent. I am sure the board will look at the league position and back Owen Coyle to strengthen his squad this month. For a team like Burnley, it’s now or never. Take advantage of the first half and have a good go at making the play-offs or try and ride the luck, avoiding injuries, spending very little. I think they will pony up for a couple of good signings and use the momentum they have built with their Carling Cup run to help them along.
Crystal Palace had a reasonable week over Christmas. They lost 1-0 last Sunday at Bristol City but beating Norwich 3-1 on Boxing day made sure they stayed 1 point from the top 6. They will need to improve a bit if they are to make the play-offs as all 3 of the Norwich goals were gifts that they won’t be given when they play better teams. That said, I can see them in the play-offs this year. Warnock is nothing if he’s not consistent and Palace are chugging along nicely.
The draw with the Wolves and a 3-1 win over lowly Charlton made it a nice Christmas for Sheffield United. They are looking improved of late and will also look to strengthen in January, possibly at Norwich City’s expense as they look to poach our winger Lee Croft on the cheap. Croft’s contract is up in May. Manager Kevin Blackwell has made it no secret that he is after a winger this January.
Q.P.R have drawn 3 of their last 4 games including their two over the Chrimbo period last week. Currently 3 points off a play-off spot they will be spending in January to improve. Today they have signed Villa reject Wayne Routledge, Garry Borrowdale from Coventry and made Heidar Helguson’s loan deal from Bolton permanent. The spree won’t stop there either. Expect Paulo Sousa to ring the changes and go for broke. The top six is within reach but I reckon they will fall short this year. They have a great squad but Sousa’s inexperience at this level could be the key. Look for them to have a run at the Premiership next season.
Swansea have had a great season considering they came up from League 1 in the summer. Their last eight games has yielded just 8 points but they were unbeaten in that period. That’s right, Swansea have drawn their last EIGHT games. 3 0-0’s ( 2 over Christmas), 3 1-1’s and a pair of 2-2’s. Swansea are currently 11th just 6 points off the play-offs. They won’t make up that ground but manager Roberto Martinez has them organized and tough to beat. A point at Bongo last Sunday proved that. A super first season in the Colaship so far for the Swans.
Swansea V Coventry on Boxing day.
At the bottom Nottingham Forest lost to Doncaster 4-2 on boxing day and relieved Colin Calderwood of his duties. Two days later they beat Norwich 3-2 at home and climbed out of the bottom 3. I said it earlier in the year and in the half-time report, Forest will survive. They have some decent players and now that they have Billy Davies as manager, they should climb the table a bit.
The honeymoon factor? Billy Davies is new Forest manager.
Talking of beating Norwich. We stink. It’s a foul, rancid and putrid smell that wafts directly from the defence. We leaked 6 goals over Christmas, at Palace (3-1) and to Forest (3-2) and 5 of them were completely avoidable. We cannot defend set pieces and make-shift center back (and Fulham loanee) Elliot Omozusi keeps forgetting that he is not at his natural right-back position, leaving the space behind our midfield with more holes than a teabag. His current partner is not much better either. Gary Doherty has all of the pace of Ruben Studdard and the wrestling ability of The Rock. He needs to have his hands tied behind his back if he is going to start games. Decent in the air, Doherty fails at the simplest of tasks, like showing a striker out wide and not turning your back on a player when he is 8 yards from goal. However, He IS very good at pulling his opponent to the floor after getting beaten for pace. It’s been shambolic at the back for Norwich since Kennedy (on and off) and Stefanovic both became injured and two new defenders will be a priority this month. However, Glenn Roeder loves Doherty and I can see him keeping his spot in the side. Norwich have played 7 different CB partnerships this season. Leroy Lita has returned to Reading. Norwich have made an offer to pay a ‘loan fee’ to keep Lita for the season but this is not an attractive proposition to Reading as they would not be allowed to recall him after 28 days, as they could if they loaned him to another team. I see where Reading are coming from, Lita scored 7 goals for Norwich and is on form. Should Reading get an injury they would want to bring him into the side to help their promotion push. Signing Lita permanently is not an option and that’s Lita’s call. He is a free-agent in the summer and wants to survey the landscape before signing another long term deal. Litas’ departure leaves Norwich with an un-fit Carl Cort, Antoine Sibierski (who has been a bit of a flop while on loan from Wigan), and Arturo Lupoli as the only fit forwards. Lupoli is currently pissed at not being picked and he has told Roeder he wants away if he isn’t going to play. Roeder has also ruled out a return for the ‘loaned-out’ Jamie Cureton (Barnsley), who Roeder appears to have no liking for. It’s a bit of a mess really. I can see 4-5 signings in January. Norwich are currently 2 points above the drop zone but need to improve fast if they are to avoid the April relegation hell that they found themselves embroiled in last term. How long Roeder remains in charge is also up for debate. ‘Roeder out’ and ‘You don’t know what you’re doing’ chants were sung by many at home to Forest and once they start, its a matter of time.
Like Forest, Doncaster Rovers are showing some signs of life and bagged 6 vital points last Friday and Sunday with wins over Forest and Burnley. Can they survive? Or did Burnley just over do it with the Christmas booze?
Southampton have failed to win in their last 6 and took just 1 point from their festive fixtures. A point from Reading no less (1-1). Southampton seem to be Reading’s bogey team as the Saints have taken 4 points from the second placed team this season. Southampton lost on boxing day to Plymouth and are currently 23rd.
The Colaship is taking a break this weekend for the third round of the FA Cup.
-Bigus
Written by Darkvader on January 2nd, 2009 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Christmas results and coca cola championship.
Want to be manager of a football club? One that gets 20,000 spectators a week to their south Laaaaaandon home? A team that just a few years ago was in the Premier league? Easy, all you have to do is fail to win one single game in 8 as caretaker manager and the gig is yours.
Yesterday morning Charlton gave caretaker manager and former Alan Pardew assistant Phil Parkinson the managers job. How did Parkinson earn the job at a club the size of Charlton? He failed to win a single game of his eight as caretaker. His record included 5 defeats and 3 draws. Wow. There’s hope for Paul Ince yet.
So why did Charlton appoint 41 year old Phil Parkinson when his temporary tenure has helped Charlton maintain their position as the strongest team in the league. The club are holding up 23 others while rooted to the bottom, 5 points from safety.
It’s simple. Charlton are skint. They don’t have a dime, let alone a dollar and in Parkinson they have a guy who has been promoted from league 1 before. That’s right, Charlton have already come to terms with relegation to the third tier and they are preparing to get back up. Charlton were forced to sell many players in the summer, their best in fact, and this season has been one big struggle. Parkinson was successful at Colchester, gaining automatic promotion to the Championship but a short spell at Hull was a failure, and Parkinson was replaced with Phil Brown after just six months.
I have to say, it’s a bit of shame to see a club the size of Charlton just roll over and die, but they cannot afford a new manager, or any new players. Parkinson was right there, he was cheap and he wanted the job. If they had chosen a new man and the much hyped honeymoon factor didn’t kick in, then they would have to back a manager at a level of football that man may not have experience at. Besides, Parkinson knows the squad and understands his non-existent budget. A new man would surely want to sell players and bring in new ones.
It’s not all doom and gloom, Parkinson IS proven at league 1 level and the Addick’s will try to copy Leicesters blue-print for an immediate bounce back. Leicester are currently top of the League 1 table and looking good to return to the Colaship after just one season. Lets hope Charlton can do the same, they have enough time to prepare, after all we are only 1/2 way through THIS season. But can’t they survive Bigus? It’s only five points to safety right?
Survival would take a miracle. They have won just 4 games this season and will not be able to spend in the window. With the exception of maybe Southampton, all of the other teams within reach have a budget for January signings and will look to strengthen and improve their teams for the second half of the season.
Charlton have tough games coming up against fellow strugglers Forest (who have just appointed a new manager in Billy Davies) in a true 6 pointer, a trip to Sheffield and a visit from Crystal Palace who are looking to make the play-offs this year. Then it’s 2 away games including a trip to high-fliers Burnley.
Should Charlton slip to 8 points adrift from safety they can kiss goodbye to their Colaship status. The table never lies.
Bigus.
Written by Darkvader on January 1st, 2009 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Phil Parkinson and charlton athletic and preparing for the third tier and relegation certs.
He came, he lost, he quit. Paul Jewell has resigned as manager of Derby County, leaving them just 5 points above the drop zone in the Coca Cola Championship. But did he jump too soon?
Jewell took over at County last season and failed to win a single Premier League game. Derby were relegated with the worst ever record for a top flight side but Jewell vowed to bring the rams back up at the first attempt. We all know that such a promise was a ridiculous offering. The Colaship is an extremely hard league to survive, let alone get out of, as Norwich, Palace, Southampton, Watford and Derby have all found out.
Jewell was backed heavily by County’s American owners in the summer and he spent a fair bit of money on players such as Nathan Ellington, Kris Commons, Martin Albrechtsen, Paul Green, and Rob Hulse.
But his new men have failed spectacularly this term and the home defeat to Ip..Ip..Ip..Them last Sunday was the final straw. Derby have won just 7 games this season and have lost 11. Derby have won just 2 of their last 10.
For me he has quit too early and left County in the lurch. He spent the money, he made the promises and with a 5 point buffer from the bottom and 12 to the play-offs, quitting was definitely premature. His actions could send Derby into free-fall. Not to mention that Jewell had led them to the semi-final of the Carling cup against Manchester United and now leaves them manager-less to face the Premiership giants in next weeks first leg. If Derby had been closer to the drop or in the relegation zone then the move would be understandable, but they weren’t in that mire just yet and he has shown he hasn’t the stomach for a fight. Which is strange given the heroics he performed at Bradford City. He gained a reputation as a fighter during his first managerial role with the Bantams and has been living off that reputation ever since.
“He came to see me after the game and said that he felt it just wasn’t working out and didn’t want to club to suffer as a result.” - Derby Chairman Adam Pearson.
Leaving Derby in the lurch after just one year will certainly have put doubt in the minds of any future suitors for Jewell’s services and I should imagine that any Championship or Premier League club will steer well clear. I hope he likes his wife, as I can see him spending plenty of time at home. Oh dear, apparently he doesn’t.
Derby head to Forest Green in the third round of the FA Cup next Saturday before hosting Manchester United in the first leg of the Carling Cup semi-final on Wednesday the 7th of January.
-Bigus
Written by Darkvader on December 29th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Derby County and False Promises and Managers with no balls and Paul Jewell and Quitting too early.
Sunday League football. A bit of banter, bit of a laugh, colorful words, all in the name of fun eh? That’s until the guy sent off for foul and abusive language returns to the pitch wielding a chainsaw and tries to cut off your hands!
Anthony Lloyd was dismissed for swearing, but instead of heading home to lament his use of the English language, he decided that the best way to deal with the situation was to return to the pitch with a running chainsaw, and to attempt to chop off the hands of a rival player while screaming “I’m a crank”.
Last week, a court in England heard that Mr Lloyd, who has a history of drug abuse and who was on a conditional discharge for possession of a knife, had been drinking before the attack in Horley, Surrey. And I thought only George Best and Paul McGrath played pissed.
Guildford Crown Court heard the details from Prosecutor Laura Plant…
“They heard an engine start and saw the defendant coming out of the bushes
revving a chainsaw. The victim’s friend ran off, leaving him cornered by the
defendant. He tried to chop his hands off while Mr Westwood was defending
himself. He then walked off.”
The victim, Mr Westwood, suffered a cut to the chest while hiding in a bush. I don’t know about you, but if someone waving a chainsaw was coming at me shouting “I’m a crank” I’d do one in the opposite direction, not try to hide in the nearest shrubbery!
So what was the punishment for trying to amputate another guys hands with a chainsaw without a doctors license or a leatherface mask? A 12 month suspended sentence. Yup, that’s right. Mr Lloyd is free.
So the moral of the story is be careful out there next Sunday and try not to piss off your opponent, because he may have access to a dangerous gardening implement.
-Bigus
Written by Darkvader on December 29th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and chainsaw football and seeing red and stupid people and taking football too seriously.
Update alert! Update alert!
Last week I told you about the epic 4 game FA Cup tie between non-league Droylsden and Chesterfield. AND the possible consequences for victorious Droylsden for not keeping an eye on the paper work. Well the FA have expelled the non leaguers.
Four games. Bad weather, floodlight failure and unsportsmanlike behaviour. Eventually this FA Cup second round tie was settled. A trip to Ip..Ip..Ip..Them, beckoned for the winner. But Droylsden fielded a ineligible player. 4th game hero, Sean Newton had picked up a 5th yellow card in the previous replay of the epic tie and was ineligible to play. Chesterfield spotted the error after the game and alerted the FA. The outcome? Droylsden’s dream is over. They have been expelled from the competition.
Is it fair? Well the precedent was set in 2006 when the same error led to Bury beinng booted also.
“It is ludicrous as we have beaten Chesterfield fair and square on the field. It is not as if we have brought a ringer in at the last minute. Sean Newton is one of our players. It was a genuine mistake by our secretary. Fine us by all means but don’t kick us out.”
- Droylsden manager (and Chairman) Dave Pace.
Of course Chesterfield see it differently: “The outcome is no real surprise as the rules clearly set out what it likely to happen if a club plays an ineligible player.” - Chesterfield manager Lee Richardson.
Droylsden gaffer Dave Pace ponders the location of the nearest bridge.
But Dave Pace claims that his team was certain that Newtons ban should be served in a league game and not in the cup tie…
“If there was any doubt from our point of view that he should not have played against Chesterfield then he would not have” he added he would “go to the nearest bridge” and throw himself off if Droylsden were thrown out of the Cup.
Suicide alert! Droylsden can appeal the decision, and have until tomorrow to do so.
-Bigus
Written by Darkvader on December 29th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Chesterfield and Cup update and Droylsden and non league dreams shattered and shit at paperwork.
Ricky Sbragia has been appointed Sunderland manager after a succesfull spell as interim manager. Sbragia was Roy Keane’s assistant and since the Irishman walked, he has delivered 2 wins out of his 4 games in charge, scoring 8 goals and conceding just 2. The 1-0 loss to Manchester United the only blip on his record. Sbragia has signed an 18 month contract..
And here is the rest of it.
Written by Darkvader on December 27th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Bigus Dickus and Promotion yay. and Ricky Sbragia and Sunderland.
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