FA Cup Third Round Liveblog: Blyth Spartans v. Blackburn

Well, if Notts Forest can do it, surely the non-leaguers from Blyth can as well, right?

A spot of afternoon fun following a lazy morning finds the ultimate example of FA Cup mismatches as an amateur team hosts an EPL team that’s not exactly lighting the world on fire at the moment. Big Sam takes his patchwork side to Northumberland, where the pressure will be immense and the pitch will surely be of awful enough quality to make things interesting.

Come join the eventual 7-1 thrashing after the jump.

Lineups:
Blyth Spartans: Mark Bell, Boyle, Pell, Leeson, White, Reay, McCabe, Williams, Gildea, Dale, Dalton.
Subs: Farman, Brown, Hume, Poole, Todd, Wright, Watson.

Blackburn: Bunn, Simpson, Mokoena, Khizanishvili, Olsson, Vogel, Grella, Treacy, Judge, Villanueva, Derbyshire.
Subs: Brown, Andrews, Roberts, Hodge, Gunning, Doran, Haworth.

A fairly experimental side for Blackburn that should still have little trouble with Blyth, but that’s the magic of the FA Cup, see.

4 mins: Little to note thus far; Blackburn’s mish-mash XI are struggling to get with the pace on that non-league pitch.

The crowd’s certainly up for it as they cheer Danny Simpson’s hilarious mis-hit, and the boos are loud every time Blackburn have possession.

7 mins: A heavy tackle by Gary Brown gets the fans cheering. I wouldn’t fancy being one of these Rovers reserves tonight. Carlos Villanueva tries a speculative (there needs to be a more emphatic word) shot from halfway, hoping to catch the keeper out. It drifts well over the bar.

9 mins: Villanueva has another effort from the edge of the box, but it’s not troubling Mark Bell in the slightest.

11 mins: Blackburn are finding rhythm, and it looks simple enough: pass, move, shoot. Keith Treacy forces a fine save from Bell low to his right after a neat build-up. I’ll be the first to tell you that there will be no upset here, on basis of the first 13 minutes. Three good scoring chances, and as good as Mark Bell is in goal, it won’t be long before the first of many Rovers goals.

14 mins: It’s Villanueva time again as he sets Treacy free on goal, only to watch the Irish international shoot weakly at Bell.

17 mins: Blackburn are dominant and are playing every pass in the Blyth half. It’s been nowhere near reserve goalie Mark Bunn’s net as of yet. Another Rovers corner amounts to nothing, but on balance, all signs point to a Blackburn goal shortly.

25 mins: The Blackburn flirtation with scoring continues, but Danny Simpson’s cross from the right is blocked by three different Blyth players.

Whoops, almost a gaffe for Rovers there… Mark Bunn came out to tidy up Aaron Mokoena’s mess as his defender passed it right into Ged Dalton’s path, but the Blyth hero from the 2nd Round hurries his shot and puts it closer to the corner flag than the goal. There’s a lesson about complacency in here somewhere.

28 mins: It’s Blyth’s turn for a bit of pressure as they win a corner or two. For the slow-witted among you, this means they’ve been into the Blackburn half, something they hadn’t managed thus far. Well done, you Blue Square North Conference battlers, you.

33 mins: A nifty run down the right by Alan Judge wins Blackburn another corner, but it’s fizzed across goal to no avail.

GOAL GOAL GOAL GO-ALMOST for Rovers. Matt Derbyshire wastes his bicycle kick as he was offside. A comedy goal, almost; Derbyshire’s bicycle kick skidded off his right foot towards the sideline, only to meet a Blyth defender’s face en route. Off the lad’s face and into the net past a diving Bell, but the flag was up. An uglier non-goal you will never see. The fans loved that one.

Derbyshire then has a chance to atone for it, but his volley doesn’t trouble Mark Bell.

37 mins: And we settle for midfield boredom once more. Blackburn’s second XI look absolutely clueless in and around the penalty area, which is very much like their first-choice side, truth be told. At least the coaching is consistent from top to bottom.

40 mins: The hopelessness continues, although the longer it drags on, the more I’m convinced some North Country voodoo has put an invisible shield around the Blyth goal. A lofted corner to the back post finds Vince Grella, but his volley is somehow kept out despite several chances for the visitors on the rebound. Perhaps it had something to do with the 4 Spartans on the goalline.

43 mins: Blyth push forward via the long ball, but stand-in captain Zurab Khisanishvili gets the better of Shawn Reay.

45 mins: Mark Bell does well under Treacy’s cross/pass from the left, beating Derbyshire to the ball in midair.

Just one minute of added time to follow.

Half-Time: Blyth Spartans 0, Blackburn 0
Despite seemingly continual pressure by the EPL side, it’s scoreless at the break thanks to Mark Bell’s goalkeeping heroics and some dogged, desperate defending. You have to fancy Big Sam’s side to find an opening eventually, but the longer it stays 0-0, the more you must pray and hope for the upset.

47 mins: Back underway, and right there where we were at the end of the first half: Rovers wasting possession with Spartans nipping at their heels, pressuring them like little terrier, or some other plucky animal or dog breed.

Are Matt Derbyshire and Robbie Keane related? The Rovers lad squanders another chance, and Big Sam must be wondering where the goals are coming from. The bench isn’t exactly full of proven match-winners.

50 mins: Villanueva is the next to go close, blasting a shot just wide of the post from 25 yards with Bell beaten. For those of you keeping track at home, it was Blackburn’s 10th shot to Blyth’s one. Still, it’s anyone’s game.

52 mins: Simpson wins another corner after Robert Dale’s last-second block, but it amounts to nothing. Blyth get into Rovers territory and win a free-kick after Martin Olsson uses the Spartan as a jungle jim, and they turn the screws, earning a corner as Rovers get nervous and struggle to clear. Mokoena then steps in late to knock the ball out of Reay’s path with Bunn coming off his line to collect.

Jason Roberts begins his warm-ups as the crowd noise increases and the home fans sense some FA Cup magic in the air.

57 mins: Villanueva, easily the game’s most industrious player thus far, wins a free-kick 25 yards out after skipping past two defenders and getting hauled down from behind. Will this be the breakthrough?

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and I was right! Carlos Villanueva, about to be subbed out for Roberts, bends the free kick across goal with his left foot, catching Mark Bell unawares. A brilliant, deserved goal. I think that might buy him a few more minutes on the pitch, but it doesn’t as Big Sam makes the substitution anyway. Blyth Spartans 0, Blackburn 1

Another Big Sam substitution: Keith Andrews on, the rubbish Vince Grella off.

61 mins: With the Spartans forced to push forward, Keith Treacy gets space to shoot and volleys just over the bar, aided by a deflection. Trying times for Blyth now; they need to start attacking.

Subs for Blyth: Simon Todd on, Alex White off. Part-timer for newly-signed Part-timer via Stranraer.

Sad that Blackburn’s goal came amid Blyth’s best attacking spell, but them’s the breaks. The crowd’s still urging their side on, and as Gillingham almost proved yesterday, that makes all the difference.

66 mins: Spartans win a free kick as sub Keith Andrews gives away a needless foul on Ged Dalton. Club captain Gareth Williams floats it to the back post, but Matt Derbyshire clears.

69 mins: More desperate defending for Blyth as they prepare for another substitution, but Derbyshire eases the pressure by giving away a free-kick in the Spartans’ penalty areas. 20 minutes to go… COME ON SPARTANS

Sub for Blyth: Andrew Wright on, Ged Dalton off.

71 mins: Some life left in Blyth as they win a free-kick 30 yards out thanks to a strong run by Shaun Reay…

Williams goes for goal, and it is on target; however, an easy save for Bunn.

73 mins: First yellow of the night is shown to Aaron Mokoena for his tackle-from-behind. Those never used to be yellow cards, but it gives Blyth another free-kick in Rovers’ territory. Williams doesn’t get it nearly deep enough and it’s cleared with ease.

75 mins: It’s just not your night, Mr. Andrews. Alan Judge slips past his man on the right, brings the ball to the byline and slides it across the 6-yard-box, but Andrews somehow manages to blast it over the bar from close range. Awful stuff, and the crowd lets him know.

Best chance for Blyth coming down the other end as Simon Todd gets free down the middle, and it requires a perfectly-timed challenge from Mokoena to snuff out the danger. That would have been 1-1, easy. Mokoena then leaps highest to clear the corner, and back down the other ends it goes.

78 mins: More pressure around Blackburn’s goal, and another free-kick deep in Rovers territory. Better delivery from Williams, but Aaron Gildea’s volley goes over the bar.

80 mins: Jason Roberts gets free in the box after some nice skills, but puts his shot well wide of the mark.

83 mins: Blackburn just like to keep things interesting as they let Blyth attack time and again as Shaun Reay’s gorgeous volley is blocked by Khisanishvili at the last minute, this just moments after Khisanishvili headed over from 5 yards out to keep the score at 1-0.

Sub for Blackburn: Brian Hodge on for the awful Matt Derbyshire.

86 mins: How did Blyth not score that?!?! A gorgeous cross from the left by Alex Gildea finds sub Andy Wright at the back post, and he somehow puts his sidefooted volley inches wide of the post with Bunn beaten. So close.

87 mins: Another golden opportunity for Blyth from a free-kick as Williams finds Gildea right in front of goal, but he puts it just over the bar from 6 yards out.

89 mins: Big Sam’s nervously pacing as the Spartans pile on more pressure. A deep throw for Blyth is wasted as Robert Dale fails to control the pass.

90 mins + 1: Close, but no cigar. Dale’s speculative flick loops toward goal, but it’s no trouble for Bunn.

90 mins + 2: Sums up Blackburn’s confidence, really, as Roberts tries to kill clock near the Spartans’ corner flag. Another long ball for Blyth, but Simpson’s there to knock it clear, and that should do it.

Full-Time: Blyth Spartans 0, Blackburn 1
To be fair to Big Sam, his side could have scored 4 in the first half alone, but it was left to a brilliant Villanueva free-kick to separate the two sides. Blyth played a lot better from a goal down, and Andy Wright will be kicking himself for missing a glorious chance to equalize. Still, the Spartans’ dream ends, and Rovers will face Sunderland in the 4th round.

Written by Darkvader on January 5th, 2009 with no comments.
Read more articles on FA Cup and Lingering Bursitis and Liveblogs and blackburn.

EPL Liveblog: Hull v. Aston Villa (aborted at HT)

So… one team’s let in 9 goals in 2 games, and the other just snuck a point against Arsenal. Who’s your money on this afternoon?

Phil Brown’s on-field dress-down of his rather inept team can have one of two effects. Either they’ll keep performing badly, or they’ll get one of those life-affirming, heroic wins against all odds.

Starting Lineups:
Hull: (4-4-1-1) Myhill, McShane, Turner, Zayatte, Ricketts, Mendy, Garcia, Ashbee, Halmosi, Barmby, Cousin.
Subs: Duke, Doyle, Fagan, Geovanni, Hughes, King, Giannakopoulos.

Aston Villa: (4-3-3) Friedel, Reo-Coker, Knight, Davies, Luke Young, Milner, Sidwell, Petrov, Barry, Ashley Young, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Guzan, Harewood, Delfouneso, Salifou, Shorey, Gardner, Osbourne.

I am hoping for some goals, and against that Tigers backline, it’s to be expected. No way does Sam Ricketts shut down Ashley Young for 90 minutes.

5 mins: Not a whole lot to report early on. The battle for midfield supremacy is only just beginning.

Defiant against the laws of nature, 138-year-old Nicky Barmby gets the ball out of Friedel’s grip as they challenge for a high ball, and promptly bundles it into the net under pressure from Bald Brad and Mr. Reo-Coker. The ref gives a free-kick to Villa, which on replay is rather unfair. Should have been 1-0. Barmby is unimpressed.

10 mins: The pundits frequently gush about Villa, and rightly so, for their three-pronged attack that’s (gasp) HOME-GROWN! Ashley gets a yard of space on the wing and turns McShane inside out before whipping in a weak cross that gets knocked out for a corner. It amounts to nothing. Still, you have to fancy them coming forward. It’s the stuff of nightmares for a backline as sieve-like as Hull’s.

14 mins: So far, the match is crying out for a hero, someone to kick things into life. It’s not going to come from long balls to Agbonlahor that ends up safely in Boaz Myhill’s hands, however.

David Pleat’s voice is music to the ears, however. Hull have only won 1 of their last 10?!?! 20 points from their first 9 games, and only 7 points from their next 10. News to me, as they’re still in the top 10. It’s a wonderful league where you can fail that much and still look at an outside shot for a UEFA Cup berth.

16 mins: Hull start to find their feet, with Bernard Mendy causing all sorts of troubles down the right flank. His skidded cross misses everything as it flies across goal, with Peter Halmosi just unable to get a toe on it. I dare say this game is coming to life!

20 mins: Villa play the equivalent of forcing a square peg into a round hole, as their tactic of choice involves the long ball. Look, you have three incredibly fast, kinda-fragile players up-front who love the ball at their feet. This lofted pass rubbish isn’t going to work.

Shit, and just like that, the feed has gone. Bear with me, folks, as I place a call to this shady website.

35 mins: Back up-and-running thanks to u75, and it appears I haven’t missed much. Mendy was called offside rather unfairly, forcing some action from Friedel, and that’s about that. Uninspiring stuff at the moment.

As I type that, Ian Ashbee puts a neat ball into the box forcing Curtis Davies to head over for a corner. Barmby wastes it.

David Pleat insists on filling every space with inanity, and I almost wish one of these teams (or both!) would do something to perhaps silence him. Barmby wins another corner on the left via Nigel Reo-Coker’s leg. Barmby takes a rather illegal penalty, not putting any part of the ball in the corner triangle thingy before taking it. He’s done it twice now, and Eagle-Eye Pleat has spotted it and opined at length about how long he’ll get away with this practice.

And yes, the fact that I’m writing a lot about illegal corner-taking practices does indicate that the action’s been rather crap thus far. It’s enough to make me punch a part-time DJ.

40 mins: Pleat suggests that the away team “need some kind of strain” to get going. I wonder if such a strain could be equal to the strain David Pleat puts on the English language.

Sam Ricketts sputters in a weak cross, Villa clear zzzz… uh-oh, trouble for Hull! Steve Bennett is in the mix, giving Zayatte a talking-to as he bundles Gabby down once the striker turned him. Zayatte’s already in the book, and he narrowly avoids seeing the 2nd yellow.

That’s been the biggest event of note thus far. Gaz Baz squanders the free kick and Hull clear.

42 mins: Rather unwatchable stuff thus far, as Villa stick to their gameplan of hoofing it to space and hoping that Agbonlahor can out-sprint everyone to the ball. Yet another Hull corner, and yet another corner wasted. They keep the pressure on around the area, but McShane puts the cross over Friedel’s bar, much to the chagrin of anyone watching this drivel.

45 mins: We will endure a minute of added time, and we will ponder the futility of both sides thus far in what’s possibly been the worst half of football I can remember this season. I feel like I should at least write something on this liveblog, but there’s nothing noteworthy in the game whatosever.

45 mins + 1: Oh look, another overhit cross. Friedel makes a dog’s dinner of this one again, going up for it and then fumbling it right in front of goal. Steve Bennett gives a free-kick as Bald Brad was actually touched by the Hull player this time, but really, we’d be better served watching paint dry.

Half Time: Hull 0, Aston Villa 0

Aaannnd, the feed is gone. I’m quitting on this one. So bad, so awful. Sorry folks, it’s unwatchable anyway, so maybe it’s a sign from some higher power that I’m not supposed to watch this game.

Written by Darkvader on December 30th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL and Hull City and Lingering Bursitis and Liveblogs and aston villa.

EPL Liveblog Triple-Header, Game 3: Aston Villa v. Arsenal

Boy Howdy. A cracker to end the day. What will Wenger manage considering his recent losses? No Adebayor today, no Fabregas, no Walcott still…

… come Goon with me after the jump.

FULLTIME SCORES FROM THE 10am GAMES:
Manchester City 5, Hull 1
Middlesbrough 0, Everton 1
Liverpool 3, Bolton 0
Wigan 2, Newcastle 1
Sunderland 0, Blackburn 0
—

LINEUPS:
Aston Villa (4-5-1): Friedel, Reo-Coker, Davies, Knight, Luke Young, Milner, Sidwell, Petrov, Barry, Ashley Young, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Guzan, Harewood, Delfouneso, Salifou, Shorey, Gardner, Osbourne.

Arsenal (4-5-1): Almunia, Sagna, Eboue, Djourou, Silvestre, Song Billong, Denilson, Nasri, Diaby, Gallas, Van Persie.
Subs: Fabianski, Toure, Vela, Ramsey, Wilshere, Clichy, Bendtner.

Referee: Lee Mason (Lancashire)

No Laursen for Villa is a huge concern, but Arsenal are walking wounded at this point so I have no sympathy. Silvestre coming in for a healthy Clichy is definitely bizarre.

We’re ready to start, I’ve got my gigantic turkey/stuffing/ham sandwich, so it’s not all bad. Get the beers in, and let’s see which Arsenal turns up this afternoon.

1 mins: Some early kick-about. If I’m a Villa fan, I’m not happy at seeing Zat Knight duff up the central defense. Still, so much pace moving forward. It’s going to take something titanic from the Arse here. Odds are heavily stacked against, etc.

Early effort for Arsenal as Sidwell and Friedel miscommunicate in front of goal under pressure, but it’s cleared.

4 mins: Milner gets a nice cross/shot in from the right, but Almunia’s equal to it. Ashley Young lurked for the rebound, but he looked offside.

6 mins: Milner wins a corner off Silvestre as it gets all scrappy in the final third. Barry floats it in and Sidwell rocks the crossbar/post with his towering header. Good start for Villa at home, so close to taking the lead!

The commentary team need to stop telling us that Sidwell played at Arsenal back in the late 90s, even winning a reserves trophy with them despite never cracking the First XI. This is no longer an interesting tidbit; it’s a bludgeoning bit of annoyance.

8 mins: More pressure at the Arsenal end as Almunia comes out to meet the long ball with his head just outside the box as Agbonlahor was closing in.

11 mins: A gorgeous deep cross in from Barry via a free kick, and Curtis Davies meets it wide open at the edge of the 6-yard box. His header goes a mile wide. A supremely wasted effort.

14 mins: Lovely play by Arsenal on the break finds Van Persie in the box. His first touch is perfect off the chest, but the giant oaf Zat Knight gets across to snuff out the danger, and in the nick of time too.

16 mins: More desperate defending by the Gooners, and you’d be forgiven for thinking that soccer was played in just one half of the field. A couple of dangerous crosses, a save by Almunia… par for the course at the moment. Arsenal are looking to break but their passing is rather lazy and gifting Villa more possession.

20 mins: Denilson and Sagna aren’t going to take this pressure lying down, and neither’s Diaby; his long ball looks for van Persie but is cleared. Song fouls Barry in midfield, and we’re back down the other end.

Great break for Agbonlahor, and he spins Eboue like a dreidel; his low shot is parried by Almunia, and Sidwell’s follow-up is blocked by Gallas and out for a corner. Nervy times again at the back for Arsenal. The lack of pace possessed by William Gauloises and Emmanuel will be exposed soon enough unless they get some help.

22 mins: More scrambling at the back as Villa seem to get free down the wings whenever they want. Another Milner cross is humped clear at the near post, and Eboue tries to reset the defense. The big problem for Arsenal resides in that crowded midfield; they’re so young and inexperienced and they’re having a tough time keeping possession. The key to stopping Villa is to stop their distribution up to Agbo and Ashley. If the Gooners can hold the ball for more than 3 passes, they have a chance to slow things down. At the moment, it’s end-to-end sprinting and Almunia is keeping them in it.

25 mins: To prove my point almost immediately, Petrov wins it easily from Denilson and is promptly battered by Song, earning Song a yellow card. Villa pour forward once more.

26 mins: Arse flirt with danger via their offside trap as Young gets over the top, but he’s marginally offside. Not much in it at all.

28 mins: The beast that is Friedel is awoken from a rather peaceful slumber by an Arsenal free kick that he fists to safety. Villa break up the left with Young and Agbo combining once more, but Almunia cuts off the final pass and hoists it out of play. The Villa fans are in full song at the moment, and the tackling in midfield is getting later and later from both sides.

Villa have had 6 attempts on goal, 2 on target, and 5 corners. Arsenal have 0s in every category. Sense a pattern emerging? If you decipher those numbers as being indicative of complete and total Aston Villa domination, you’d be right.

30 mins: Ashley tests the offside trap yet again but Sagna’s got it right. Living on the edge, truly. Nasri makes a rare jaunt down the left and is interrupted emphatically by Reo-Coker’s sliding tackle.

33 mins: A foul in the box gives Arsenal a breather and Almunia launches it down the other end. Wenger needs to bring Clichy on at some point, because Milner is in danger of owning poor Silvestre for life.

Gallas does well to cut off Agbonlahor’s sprint down the left.

34 mins: GOAL GOAL GO-ALMOST for Aston Villa. Nasri does a spot of ball-watching as Barry lofts a free kick to the back post, and Milner sneaks in unnoticed. His sliding effort is well saved by Almunia low to his left via the post. Hit the post, bobbled back into Almunia’s arms. Should have been 1-0.

36 mins: Eboue, meet yellow card. Yellow card, meet Eboue. Get acquainted, fellas. He chopped Agbo down on the wing from behind and had no complaints about that one.

37 mins: GO-ALMOST for Villa again! Davies’ hook shot on the right sails over Almunia’s head, and Miguel is helpless as he watches it rattle off the crossbar and away from danger. Third Villa instance of ball-to-woodwork already today.

If the goal were a foot wider, it’s be 3-0. That said, if Grandma had balls, she’d be Grandpa. A difficult first half for Wenger. If he goes to his bench after the break, he’s got nothing but youth to turn to. I can’t imagine Wilshere or Ramsey doing much to stem the tide.

40 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL… Unbelievable, really. The Gooners’ first effort on goal brings them a goal. A lucky bounce frees Denilson in the area, and he does superbly well under pressure to slide the ball between Friedel’s legs and give his side the lead, completely against the run of play and in defiance of the gods, physics, logic, rational thought, and Lady Fortune. Aston Villa 0, Arsenal 1

How will Villa respond? By falling apart, it seems. Suddenly they’re skittish and give van Persie time to stepover and dribble in the box, but RvP’s cross falls to no-one at the back post. Punishment for their profligacy, surely. (And yes, for anyone who’s been mad enough to follow all these liveblogs today, that’s my favourite word at the moment.)

43 mins: I’m speechless. Agbonlahor beats Almunia to the ball in the air and it speeds goalward, but Sagna overhead-kicks it off the line to save Almunia’s bacon. The Gunners live to fight another day!

Song off due to injury, Aaron Ramsey on. He’s in for a dogfight in the middle.

HALFTIME: Aston Villa 0, Arsenal 1
A simply outrageous 45 minutes of football. Villa hit the woodwork three times, Sagna clears acrobatically off the line, and Denilson scored against the run of play with the Gunners’ only scoring chance. What will Martin O’Neill say at halftime?

It’s set up nicely for the second half. If Villa can recover, they could open up a 6 point gap between them and Arse. If it holds as is, they’ll be level once more. Who said the EPL is predictable?

We’re back, and O’Neill must wonder if his team can salvage something. That has to hurt; dominate for 44 minutes, yet still a goal down. I reckon it rates next to going 18-0 but ruining it at the last minute, albeit on a much smaller scale.

46 mins: No subs, and some header tennis in midfield. Nasri gets an inch of space on the left wing, but Milner and Petrov harry him and he gives up the goal kick.

Gauloises punts a long clearance, but Ramsey’s long pass goes right out for the Villa throw. Holding possession is of the utmost importance for the Goons.

48 mins: Barry’s long cross from the right is cleared easily.

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL and that, my friends, is how to surpass expectations. Delirium for the away fans, as Abou Diaby nips in behind Knight to finish into the top corner. Unbelievable. It was a half-break at best that caught Villa out, and a wonderfully calm finish. Eboue set him loose after some nice play on the right that left Curtis Davies for dust. Villa haven’t done much wrong, and they’re 2-0 down. As I said… unbelievable. Aston Villa 0, Arsenal 2

Diaby gets booked for his Lambeau-esque leap into the away fans after scoring, but do you think he cares?

53 mins: Amid the noise and frenzy, how will Villa respond? Agbo wins a throw on the left but it’s wasted thanks to Young’s cross-to-nowhere. It’s going to take something epic to get them back in this one. For all their possession and early pressure, they look positively lost as to how they should respond. It’s their turn to chase the ball around for a few minutes.

After my shit-talking on the Gooners, this is a hell of a way to respond to their recent troubles. Just when they’re written off, they go and pull this.

55 mins: Should have been three! Diaby does his best Thierry Henry impression in slicing up the middle, passing to Ramsey who has his initial shot blocked, then van Persie gets a sniff and hits the post before his follow-up is deflected out for a corner. Nothing comes of it except for another corner. A third goal would be unlucky for Villa, but really, they should have been 3-0 up before Denilson’s cool finish. Funny game, this. The confidence is all with Arsenal.

Villa clear the 2nd corner as far as Ramsey, and his gorgeous chip finds RvP with space to head home. His header goes a mile wide. Still, Aston Villa are falling apart before our very eyes. It’s Arsenal chants ringing out around Villa Park. How will O’Neill respond? Missing Laursen was more serious than he expected.

59 mins: Agbonlahor squanders possession in the Arsenal box and the Gunners break again. At the back, Villa are like single-ply toilet paper. Diaby gets blocked from shooting but it comes to Nasri who finds Eboue wide open, and his goal-bound shot is blocked at the last second. Curtis Davies the hero that time. One-way traffic towards Friedel’s goal at the moment. Funny what two goals will do to a game.

62 mins: Another Arsenal corner. Villa are confused. I blame tainted half-time oranges. They look more like Tottenham than Top 4.

Agbo gives it up easily again on the right. Villa are a great team when they’re winning, but they never look like getting back into a game when they’re struggling.

Just as I type this, Sidwell gets free down the right and plants it right on Ashley Young’s foot in front of goal, but there’s Bacary Sagna to stick a foot in as Young picks his spot. Superb defending, and a glimmer of life for Villa.

64 mins: PENALTY TO VILLA. Deserved too; he gets caught out by Milner’s long pass and Agbonlahor has a step on him. Gauloises decides to tackle, but hashes it, and Barry has a chance to pull Villa back into it…

… GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL for Gareth Barry from the spot, sending Almunia the wrong way. Emphatic finish, and the crowd’s awake again. Testing times for Arsenal now. A phenomenal match thus far. Aston Villa 1, Arsenal 2

68 mins: Wenger is still miffed about the penalty, but there’s more pressing issues at stake now. 25 minutes to go, and you never want to give Villa way back into the game. Almunia races out to clear a long ball aimed for Gabby down the line.

70 mins: Arsenal look like the Arsenal of the first half all over again. Struggling to maintain possession, and letting Villa come to them. Gabby takes on Sagna down the left, but Bacary wins that round.

Sidenote: I wish Rafa Benitez could buy Sagna. He’s having an incredible game thus far, goalline clearance aside.

72 mins: Arsenal throw men forward again, but their attack fizzles out at the top of the box. Villa break with speed, but no dice. Agbo looks like he got a knock in that from-behind tackle on Diaby, and he gets a yellow card on top of it.

Sagna clears under pressure from Luke Young and the Gunners try to slow things down. It doesn’t work; Sagna’s throw goes right to Young, and when the cross comes in, it misses everyone and falls to Milner, whose shot is blocked at the edge of the box. He crosses in the rebound, and Villa put up a large shout for handball. No dice.

Ashley Young gets loose on the left again, but his cross is met in the middle by Almunia.

76 mins: Simmer down now, fellas, as things get heated in midfield. Diaby is chopped down, and then seconds later, van Persie gets beaten to the ball by Reo-Coker and then tracks him down to take him down. RvP gets a yellow card, the first meaningful thing he’s done in 25+ minutes. Reo-Coker gets one too for his pushing and shoving. Bit silly - not a booking at all for either of them.

78 mins: Sagna’s weak sidefooted clearance falls to Ashley Young in the box, but his floated cross is intercepted by Almunia. Deep breath for Arsenal… just over 15 minutes left.

80 mins: Eboue creates a problem by ignoring Almunia’s call for the ball and trying to clear it himself, but mercifully for him, Gabby fouls on the loose ball and the crisis disappears.

Sagna again with the heroics. Barry gets room to run at the backline, finds Sidwell whose shot is blocked. Ashley Young is lurking at the back post, but Sagna gets across to block the cross. The corner bobbles around in the area, but neither Knight nor Milner can finish. Imagine how dangerous these Villa corners could have been with Laursen in the mix.

Stiliyan Petrov is pissed about not getting a throw-in and gets booked for yelling at the linesman.

Sub for Arsenal: Samir “The Ghost” Nasri on, Gael Clichy on.

Written by Darkvader on December 26th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Arsenal and Boxing Day is the best day ever and EPL and Lingering Bursitis and Liveblogs and aston villa.

EPL Liveblog Triple-Header, Game 2: The 10am “Mystery Pick”

Which feed will be most reliable? Let’s liveblog a 10am game together, shall we? Join me after the jump…

The possibilities are:

Liverpool v. Bolton
No Torres! We’ve been lied to! Seriously though, does Keane have another gorgeous volley in him today?

Man City v. Hull City
Sparky tries again to save his job. Word has it that his Dubai overlords aren’t too fond of Christmas spirit.

Middlesbrough v. Everton
Can a team with no strikers beat a team with no defenders?

Sunderland v. Blackburn
Which “New Manager Effect” will reign supreme today?

Wigan v. Newcastle
Bruce v. Kinnear. Boredom v. Ineptitude.

Spin the wheel and let’s get lucky. Of course, let’s all keep each other informed… get the scores and insights of the other games in the comments if I end up picking the one you didn’t want.

And… it’s LFC v. Bolton! Hallelujah! And the feed is in English!

LINEUPS:
Liverpool (4-2-3-1): Reina; Carragher, Hyypia, Agger, Insua; Gerrard, Benayoun, Keane, Riera; Kuyt.
Subs: Cavalieri, Babel, Mascherano, Leiva Lucas, Ngog, El Zhar, Darby.

Lucas is replaced, mercifully, and Arbeloa’s injury brings the aging Finn into the fray. Carragher’s xmas gift is a stint at right-back. Rafa’s back in attendance, but up in the box seats after his kidney stone surgery.

Bolton (4-5-1): Jaaskelainen; Steinsson, Cahill, Andrew O’Brien, Samuel; Muamba, Nolan, McCann, Taylor, Gardner, Elmander.
Subs: Al Habsi, Smolarek, Davies, Riga, Shittu, Basham, Obadeyi.

Referee: Alan Wiley (Staffordshire)

Hooray, a 4-5-1 for Bolton! Megson has never picked up a point against Liverpool, so this should be fun. Granted, he’s only had 6 attempts, but that’s enough to be considered a precedent, right?

Early scores from around the EPL:
Chelsea 2, West Brom 0
Tottenham 0, Fulham 0
Portsmouth 1, West Ham 4
Stoke City 0, Manchester United 1

You’ll Never Walk Alone plays over the loudspeakers, and we’re just waiting for kick-off. Keep me posted with the other games, won’t you? Man City/Hull should give some goals.

1 mins: LFC kick off and attack the Kop in the first half. Liverpool have been a bit crap lately, drawing every game in seemingly forever. With Man U sneaking a lucky win earlier and Chelsea victorious as well, they need to keep pace.

2 mins: Early nerves for the Reds as Elmander gets free down the right. His chip finds Nolan, but instead of shooting, he tries to find Gardner unmarked at the near post and Reina leaps to intercept the cross. If that had made it, Bolton would be up.

Liverpool counter nicely with Kuyt, and McCann puts it out for a corner. Gerrard floats it in, it misses everybody and comes to Riera alone at the edge of the box. He drills it in and Keane’s flick-on ends up wide. A bright start for both sides.

5 mins: Liverpool enjoying all the early possession in Bolton’s half as they try to unlock Bolton’s 10-men-behind-the-ball approach. Riera can’t reach Gerrard’s long cross-field pass and Bolton get a goal kick.

8 mins: Benayoun gets behind Steinsson out on the right but Wiley reckons he handballed the long pass to bring it under control. Looked like shoulder to me.

10 mins: Riera skips through O’Brien on the left and puts a cross in, from which header tennis ensues. Bolton fail to clear properly and Samuel turns it out for a corner. From Gerrard’s delivery, Riera drags a shot wide of the right post after collecting Agger’s flick-on. Liverpool are giving it a go early.

13 mins: No way through the 9-0-1, and Bolton hoof it down to Reina. Elmander is an island up front, lost amid the grassy seas to be guarded by Agger and Hyppia. The stage is set for a terrifically boring 0-0.

15 mins: A promising burst by LFC down the left, as Riera and Insua play a neat 1-2 to find Kuyt at the edge of the box, but his leaden foot destroys the momentum. It’s a guessing game for Liverpool; how to break down the rigid formation?

16 mins: Kuyt blasts his shot right at Cahill’s shins from the top of the box, but much better passing from the home side. Their passing did manage to open up some space, and Bolton thump it down to Reina to clear their lines. If this is honestly Bolton’s plan for the next 75 minutes, they will almost certainly lose. The notion of playing “Protect the Fort” for 90 minutes away from home in the EPL is sadly misguided.

18 mins: Lovely stuff from Liverpool. Hyppia’s 1-2 on the right frees Benayoun, whose deep cross is turned out for a corner. From the corner, Insua gets a nice volley from the top of the box that forces a sharp save from Jaskelaainen, only for Bolton to cough up another corner. Good pressure at the moment. It means jacksh*t if they can’t score.

20 mins: Alonso’s beautiful ball in meets Dirk Kuyt’s head, and he glazes it just over the bar with the goalie frozen.

22 mins: Robbie Keane’s been very much a non-factor thus far. Insua gives it away and Bolton attempt a trade-mark counter-attack with Elmander, but it’s snuffed out immediately.

Fabrice Muamba puts in a perfect tackle on Benayoun in the area after Jlloyd Samuel’s header dropped nicely for Yossi. The corner is cleared, and then Yossi’s deep cross is headed over by Cahill for another corner. PLEASE LIVERPOOL, SCORE A DAMN GOAL ALREADY.

25 mins: Liverpool win their 7th corner as Steinsson is troubled under the long pass to Reira. Alonso swings it in, and under pressure from Kuyt, Cahill concedes corner #8.

GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL Liverpool, and finally Bolton crack. Albert Riera times his run perfectly to meet Gerrard’s outswinger and he guides it with his right foot through Jaskelaainen’s hands and into the net. Johan Elmander was a spectator at the front post. Should have done better. Liverpool 1, Bolton 0

28 mins: Andy O’Brien is almost hung out to dry as Muamba’s clearance ends up falling into Dirk Kuyt’s path. The two tussle, and O’Brien wins a free kick for his efforts.

Jesus, Man City score goals 2 and 3 within 90 seconds. Caicedo has a brace already, and Robinho is manhandling the Hull backline and gets the third for himself after setting up the other two. 3-0 Sparky within half an hour. NOT what I was expecting.

31 mins: The pace is slowing a little, but Liverpool aren’t content with just one goal early. That’s been their biggest problem of late; they’ve struggled to take the lead, and struggled even more to expand on it. Lots of neat passing across midfield as they look for another opening. Muamba scythes Keane down from behind and gives away a free-kick. LFC promptly punt it forward, but Kuyt is offside.

Can someone find me video of Robinho’s goal and ensuing celebration? Try the usual resources around half-time… thanks for the help!

Ryan Taylor scores his 4th in 4 games against Newcastle to give Wigan the 1-0 lead at home. No score still at ‘Boro or Sunderland.

35 mins: Insua and Riera torment poor Gretar Steinsson again down the right, but Insua’s cross finds no-one in particular. It’s all Liverpool at the moment as Bolton try their hand at defending from the edge of their own area. Very compact formation, very negative. Dirk Kuyt wins a free-kick 30 yards out after catching Gavin McCann in possession and then getting hauled down. Gerrard stands over it…

… he finds Hyppia at the back post, and it falls to Yossi who volleys wide of the far post.

Manchester City score a 4th thanks to Robinho once more, thus confounding bettors everywhere with their woeful, inconsistent team. An away defeat to West Brom one week, a 4-0 lead at Eastlands with Hull in attendance?

38 mins: Agger shoots from miles out but it’s a mile wide. I can’t remember the last time Bolton got inside the Liverpool half. Keane then breaks and wins yet another corner off Cahill’s leg.

Some argy-bargy in the box, and Gerrard gets to re-take the corner. Hyppia uses Cahill as a Jungle Jim and Alan Wiley gives the free-kick to take the pressure off.

41 mins: Jamie Carragher, playing right-back, pops up on the left wing of all places, and fizzes a shot from 30 yards just over the bar. I am forced to pinch myself to check that I did actually see that.

Liverpool are playing brilliantly, but two things to consider:
1. They’re only winning 1-0
2. They’re playing Bolton

Still, it makes limp performances against Stoke, West Ham and Fulham appear all the more confusing.

43 mins: Holy sh*t, Bolton get forward! Elmander whiffs his volley and meekly appeals for handball against Insua, but it’s waved off. Liverpool then surge forward, and Yossi’s meandering run/cross wins yet another corner. I think that’s corner #11 for the Reds in the first-half. It’s been nearly 40 minutes since Nolan’s attempt on goal.

Insua volleys again from the edge of the box and coming close. He’s starting to look like a good little player.

45 mins + 1: Bolton win a free-kick just inside LFC territory but waste it, and Wiley promptly blows the whistle.

HALFTIME: Liverpool 1, Bolton 0
Seriously, this is about as lop-sided as it gets. Think the ‘85 Bears in their prime playing against a Pop Warner outfit. LFC with 47,653 corners, but only one goal thanks to Riera’s near-post flick. They’ll need a couple more goals before I’m convinced.

Insua, Riera, Yossi and Alonso all looking good in the first half. This is mildly encouraging. Keane still looks rather lost up-top, but then again, he’s being marked by 8 players at any one time.

Thanks to U75 for finding the Robinho dance party… enjoy it here and wonder just what it was supposed to be. I like the idea of “Special Olympics Speed Skater” as noted in the comments.

And any video of Phil Brown’s unique half-time team talk on the pitch in front of the away fans would be greatly appreciated too.

Let’s get back to it… for Bolton, a sub! Kevin Davies on, Jlloyd Samuel off. Now no-one can argue that Bolton aren’t interested in attacking.

46 mins: Steinsson gets a yellow for his late slide into Xabi Alonso. Bolton shift the formation a bit as Elmander tucks behind Davies with the bald? Mr. Cahill moving to right-midfield.

48 mins: Gretar Steinsson looks for an early bath as he clatters into Albert Riera way off on the left for no apparent reason, and gets a stern talking-to from Wiley. Any more fouls and he’s off, it would seem. Best attack down that left if you’re LFC, right?

Robbie Keane houdinis himself enough space to whip in a cross under pressure from Cahill and Steinsson (who is inexplicably drawn to the danger of a 2nd yellow), but it’s cleared with ease. Bolton attack and win a free-kick for their troubles.

50 mins: The Kevin Davies Effect has jolted Bolton to life as they win their first corner. Cahill puts it right in Reina’s hands, and life slowly returns to normal.

53 mins: Liverpool begin their evolution into aimlessness as the concept of stringing more than 2 passes together in midfield suddenly looks laborious and impossible. I pray to the Boxing Day deities for a second goal that’ll put this game to bed.

54 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL and wow, am I prescient! Almost right on cue, Gerrard breaks and finds room to run up the middle. Robbie Keane times his run off O’Brien’s shoulder to perfection, Stevie finds him, and Keane beats Jaskelaainen at the near post with a wonderful finish. Is this the moment that Robbie turns his season around? Liverpool 2, Bolton 0

56 mins: Agger goes into the book for a two-footed lunge on Johan Elmander in the center circle. Fair call; despite being a 50/50 ball, leaving your feet always puts you in the book. Just ask John Terry.

58 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and it’s liquid football from Liverpool. Reina gathers a free-kick and throws long to Alonso, who sprints from halfway and finds Benayoun out wide. Yossi takes a touch and slides it across the face of goal where Robbie Keane is there to slide it past a hopeless Jaskelaainen. Yep, Keane’s back. Liverpool 3, Bolton 0

60 mins: Bolton gamely attack and win a corner, but it amounts to nothing. It’s nice to see my Liverpool play dominating football and get the goals they deserve. They’ll still be on top heading into the New Year. Lovely stuff, really. Oh, when Fernando comes back, and Keane has rediscovered how to score… (must lie down)

Everton take the lead at the Riverside, and it’s our most-hated Cahill, the Antipodean Tim, with the goal. Quite ridiculous that they’re on pace to take 7 points from their last 3 games despite not having a single healthy striker on their squad. Toffee bastards.

64 mins: Liverpool swarm like flies at a picnic, passing comfortably and looking for more. Steinsson makes a hash of his clearance and the pressure stays on. Gerrard has a pot-shot from 25 yards and it drags wide of the post. Ah well. It must be nice for him not to be playing saviour for once. Those long-range shots aren’t nearly as frustrating when we’re winning 3-0.

I think Jussi should get a chance to play in midfield; as Yossi sprints to close him down on a long ball forward, he takes one shimmy to beat Benayoun before casually passing it out to O’Brien. So cool, calm and collected. Shame his outfield players are so damn skittish.

66 mins: Megson makes a double-change: Matthew Taylor and Johan Elmander off, Riga Mustapha and Polish international Ebi Smolarek on. Those names were a nightmare to spell, by the way.

67 mins: The subs make little difference; Liverpool crowd the box as Keane looks for his hat-trick, but Kuyt gets in the way and the two collide, leaving Andy O’Brien a simple clearance. Keane and Kuyt moan for a moment, but realize they’re winning 3-0. Did I mention the score was 3-0? It’s 3-0.

Sub for Liverpool: Albert Riera off, Nabil El-Zhar off. Good afternoon for the Spaniard, and some much-needed rest ahead of the New Year’s fixtures. Let’s see what the sub can do; admittedly he’s not done much so far this season, albeit with limited opportunity.

Also, if you’re vigilant: still no Ryan Babel sighting. Despite the comfortable win, he’s being wasted by Benitez at the moment. Would be nice to give him a run out to build some confidence.

71 mins: A deep free-kick is cleared easily by Gerrard and Insua, and Yossi beat the offside trap on the right from the ensuing counter-attack. Nothing came from it, however. Almost 70% of possession for LFC so far today. That’s f*cking insane.

Sub for LFC: Gerrard off, Lucas on. Nice to rest your studs with Newcastle just a few days away. Carragher takes the armband. Still no Ryan Babel? C’mon Sammy/Rafa. Give him 15 good minutes at least.

74 mins: The tireless Kuyt earns another corner, and Agger’s header is just wide.

76 mins: El-Zhar cuts inside from the left and has a crack at goal, but it’s well wide of the near post.

77 mins: Rafa didn’t get the memo, as his final sub is used on David Ngog. Dirk Kuyt takes the bench.

It’s petering out, and now, the focus will shift to Aston Villa/Arsenal in just under an hour. Honest predictions in the comments, please. I’ll liveblog that one as well, so make the jump across around 12.00. That leaves me just enough time to build a leftovers sandwich: two thick slices of bread, cranberry sauce, turkey, stuffing, topped with roasted carrots. Delicious.

Bassong sent off at the JJB, and Amr Zaki converts the penalty to give Wigan a comfy 2-0 cushion with 10 minutes to go. Reports indicate it was a harsh dismissal, as the foul was just outside the box, but hey, can’t win ‘em all. LFC “target” Emile Heskey won the PK.

81 mins: Gavin McCann catches Xabi five minutes after the ball had gone, and gets a yellow card. Dismal afternoon for Bolton; they won 4 of 5 EPL fixtures in November, but now they’ve been thumped by Chelsea, Villa and Liverpool since December 6th.

83 mins: Keane almost gets on the end of a Alonso long ball, but O’Brien does well to usher it out of play.

85 mins: Almost a consolation for Bolton as Muamba’s angled pass releases Smolarek, but his low shot is inches wide of the post. Reina is still on course for clean sheet #11 of the season, you’ll be thrilled to know.

Gary Cahill’s injured but won’t come off and leave his side down to 10 men (Megson used all his subs 20 minutes ago), so he’s moved to the right-wing where he’ll jog around for the final 5-6 minutes. McCann’s moved to center-back in his absence.

87 mins: Alonso’s corner bamboozles Jaskelaainen and is cleared off Benayoun’s foot. Jussi punched air and almost got caught out. From the second corner, Hyppia puts it cleanly toward the top corner but O’Brien gets in the way and prevents the 4th goal. LFC still pouring forward in attack. Tons of confidence on display.

Cahill’s now playing striker well out on the right, presumably to avoid any contact whatsoever.

88 mins: Andy O’Brien plays Keane on, and Carragher finds him. Steinsson tracks back and times his tackle to perfection, denying him a hat-trick. A wonderful tackle.

4 added minutes. Keane is still looking for his third goal, and it seems like LFC are trying to get it for him. Keane turns provider and forces another fantastic, sprawling tackle from O’Brien to snuff out the danger from Ngog. Poor Bolton.

90 mins + 2: El Zhar is offside on the left wing as Liverpool look to break again.

90 mins + 3: Yossi almost bends one in at the death as Jussi saves well to his left, and then Ngog almost turns it in from the follow-up. Mercifully, the ref blows the whistle.

FULLTIME: Liverpool 3, Bolton 0
A comfortable, convincing win for the home side, their first home win in what seems like months. They will stay top even after Chelsea and Man U win earlier in the day.

So, on to Liveblog #3! Join me in the next thread in 20 mins or so for the big match of the day, Aston Villa v. Arsenal. I need to make that sandwich, and FAST.

Written by Darkvader on December 26th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Boxing Day is the best day ever and EPL and Lingering Bursitis and Liveblogs.

EPL Liveblog Triple-Header, Game 1: Spartak London v. West Brom

It’s been almost 3 weeks since a Big 4 club won a game in the EPL, but with 2 soft fixtures today for Spartak and Manchester United, surely that will end. It’s 0-0 with Man U at the moment, and I’m just getting settled in for Spartak.

Come Boxing Day with me after the jump. This is truly the best day of the year.

LINEUPS:
Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Ivanovic, Alex, Ashley Cole, Ballack, Mikel, Lampard, Joe Cole, Drogba, Anelka.
Subs: Malouda, Ferreira, Deco, Kalou, Cudicini, Mineiro, Belletti.

West Brom: Carson, Zuiverloon, Meite, Olsson, Robinson, Morrison, Koren, Greening, Kim, Brunt, Beattie.
Subs: Kiely, Cech, Barnett, Bednar, Moore, Dorrans, Borja Valero.

Interesting to see Drogba and Anelka playing *gasp* TOGETHER for once… will it last beyond half-time? Ivanovic fills in for England’s Moronic John Terry.

3 mins: My feed just woke up in time for GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL to Spartak, and they don’t come much simpler. Deep cross in from the right, and Didier Drogba got free of his marker to head back across Carson into the corner. Expect plenty more goals. Spartak London 1, West Brom 0

8 mins: There’s a predictability about the early going: West Brom defending from the edge of the 18-yard box, and Spartak merely passing it around until an opening appears. The Baggies don’t have much promise going forward, besides an early shot from Chris Brunt, but this could easily be a cricket score by full-time.

10 mins: Lampard tries his luck from fully 40 yards via the free-kick, and it does reach Carson, to my surprise. The Baggies goalie smothers it like a problem child and play resumes.

13 mins: The tempo has slowed somewhat, as Spartak are playing like lions facing wounded prey. They’re pawing with it at the moment, biding their time, prolonging the Baggies’ misery as they slowly, methodically look for ways to break through. West Brom are loving the long ball forward but can’t seem to master the art of staying onside once the ball’s in flight.

16 mins: Whoa, almost spoke too soon. Ivanovic lets Kim in behind him but his shot from a tight angle is easily saved by the Czech traffic cone. Bosingwa gets forward down the right, but his cross drifts all the way out for a throw-in on the opposite side. Not good.

18 mins: The Baggies have decided to let Jose Bosingwa cross at will on the right, as he whips in three or four crosses under little duress. None of them especially threatening, mind you — he looks more Pennant than all-Pro — but West Brom seem content to keep the middle crowded and play header tennis all afternoon. Olsson punts it clear for Beattie, but he’s offside!

Lampard sneaks into the area unmarked but wastes the opportunity, hacking wide from 15 yards. Ugly shot from an ugly player. Is it just me, or is he wildly overrated?

20 mins: Neat flick by Joe Cole that almost breaks for Lamps through on goal, but a heroic slide from Zuiverloon takes the ball right off his shooting foot and to safety.

22 mins: Ballack lands a shot in the proverbial Row ZZ after Drogba’s blocked from goal by Abdoulaye Meite. The flirtation with a 2-0 lead continues.

Elsewhere, Pompey-West Ham is locked up at 1-1, as Collison’s scrappy effort cancels out a fine goal by Nadir Belhadj. No score with Stoke/Man U (was anyone else perplexed by Fergie’s lineup for this afternoon? Evans in for an injured Rio makes some sense, but Scholes, Fletcher AND Giggs?) or at White Hart Lane between Spurs and Fulham.

25 mins: Joe Cole puts Drogba clean through on Carson, but he’s a mile offside. Easy call for the linesman.

Jonathan Greening takes an awful knock in heading clear a Lamps’ corner, headbutting the back of Alex’ head and is slooooooow to get up. In the meantime, an injury-related switch for West Brom: Abdoulaye Meite off with hamstring knack in conceding that corner, Leon Barnett on.

29 mins: Bosingwa’s cross misses everyone on its travels across the 6-yard box. The pressure is building once again… seriously, where is this second goal coming from?!?! Joe Cole shoots weakly from distance, ruining a good passage of play. The crowd is getting restless.

31 mins: A rare attack for the Baggies! It ends with Chris Brunt hoisting another speculative shot high into the crowd.

Lamps sidefoots a Bosingwa cross well wide, but he does find that room between the center backs and their cover. Both Barnett and Olsson were glued to the edge of the 6-yard box, but Lamps couldn’t exploit.

This isn’t a very good game so far, folks. It has the lazy pace reminiscent of Thanksgiving morning football games, where everyone’s still hungover from the night before, and their minds are clearly focused on the starchy excess to follow at dinner-time. Every Spartak chance on goal is rather tame. Can the Baggies exploit? As some boy band once said, “it only takes a minute, girl.”

Half-Time for Fergie: Stoke 0, Manchester United 0. Not a good day if you bet heavily on the away win, like I did.

36 mins: That should have been 2-0! Ashley Cole slips around the back and strikes it beautifully, but it pings back off the post and Carson recovers to save Cole’s second effort. This is why defenders should practice shooting more. It reminds me immediately of his chance against LFC all those weeks ago, when he should have equalized but buried it in the crowd. Good times. Also, f*ck Ashley Cole.

38 mins: It’s raining Bosingwa crosses at Stamford Bridge, but the 8-1-1 formation by the visitors are still keeping them at bay.

39 mins: West Brom win a corner as Bosingwa deflects Brunt’s cross out of play. Can they take advantage?

Answer: No.

Having seen snippets of the first half, I think it’s safe to say that Manchester United are still suffering from some jetlag, as they look awfully ordinary thus far. Might be in for a shocker there.

42 mins: Ashley Cole again demonstrates why he shouldn’t be getting in front of goal, as Bosingwa’s teasing cross just eludes his outstretched foot in front of an open goal. Carson was beaten, and Olsson was out of position, but Cole at full stretch still couldn’t turn it in. Shame, that.

I am craving half-time right now. Spartak are looking Arsenal-esque in their final pass. Bosingwa puts another ball along the 6-yard box, but Carson intercepts this one and the crowd groan at another missed opportunity. The Baggies then give them the ball right back by hoofing their clearance out for a throw. Not smart.

45 mins: Joe Cole takes a hand to the face from Koren as they go for the ball, but then he does his best “Willem Defoe in Platoon” impression. Sorry Joe, no free-kicky for you.

45 mins + 1: Bosingwa’s 1,283,957th cross of the first half floats into Carson’s grasp. Another wasted effort.

45 mins + 2: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL, and Lampard looks to have cemented his overrated status with this one. Nice build by Spartak, and Ashley Cole’s pass lands in Lamps’ path. He slips past one weak challenge and chips over Carson. Spartak London 2, West Brom 0

HALF TIME: Spartak London 2, West Brom 0
A 15 minute break never looked so sweet. Not particularly thrilling football at the moment. Both teams could be forgiven for looking like the grass is covered in molasses.

Elsewhere, Defoe misses a penalty to give Pompey the lead. Lucas Neill fouled Crouchie, and Defoe dragged his effort wide of the post. Could be a contender for the next volume of “Worst Penalty Misses Ever”. Not good for someone who wishes to play for England, and really, not good for anyone who plays football professionally.

46 mins: And we’re back. Stoke had a wonderful chance to take the lead just a minute ago. Good for them.

Sub for Spartak at half-time: Belletti on, Bosingwa off. I had no idea crossing the ball so many times could result in injury, or maybe Big Phil was sick at seeing his attempts always end up miles from goal.

50 mins: Robert Koren breaks the sleepy monotony by firing wide from 20 yards. Still, it woke me up temporarily.

51 mins: Belletti demonstrates his wastefulness in front of goal by trying the cheeky chip from the edge of the box. It sails high and wide, hardly vindication for his half-time entrance. All the time in the world to actually shoot and he pulls that out instead.

55 mins: This is dire to watch. Koren and Kim are finding some room down the right, and Alex gives away a corner. If the Baggies would like to make this competitive, now would be a good time.

Brunt’s effort is cleared with ease at the near-post, but from the rebound, he gets a chance to strike. Dipping, curving, powerful shot… right into Cech’s hands. The agony continues.

58 mins: Lampard is through on goal again thanks to Drogba’s pass, but he tries the cheeky chip and Carson’s unimpressed.

For the 10am games, I’m not sure which will end up liveblogged. Of course I’d love it to be LFC, but it all depends on which dodgy Southeast Asian video feed I can find. Of course, follow along any other fixtures or games in the comments. Once this one’s over, we’ll leap to a new post, and then leap again at noon for the Villa/Arse marquee clash.

60 mins: The malaise is interrupted temporarily by a West Brom substitution: Luke Moore on (hero last weekend against Citeh), Craig “Did I Even Touch The Ball Today?” Beattie comes off. His most meaningful contribution today by far.

62 mins: It’s Drogba’s turn to be profligate, shanking his shot wide from 12 yards. Florent Malouda prepares to enter the fray. He and Solomon Kalou are equally useless, and I love seeing them flounder. At the very least we should be able to glean some comedy from the final half-hour, right?

Drama at Stoke as Andy Wilkinson attempts limb-removal on Cristiano, earning himself the most obvious 2nd yellow card in history. Off he goes, leaving his team to struggle out the final 10-15 minutes a man down. Still 0-0 there.

65 mins: Carson saves well from Drogba twice as his defenders sleep around him. Should have been 3-0 there.

That’s the end of Didier too, as Scolari seems to think his formation must change to protect a 2-0 lead; Drogba off, Malouda on.

Early team news from Anfield suggests we were the victim of a cruel, and awfully early, April Fool’s Joke: no Torres anywhere near the 18 to face Bolton today, as Keane will forage alone up-front once again and Carragher ends up at right-back for Boxing Day.

68 mins: Luke Moore gets a sniff at the other end, but Alex closes him down quickly and the danger subsides.

Sub for the Baggies: Kim Do-Heon off (he’s been half-decent today), Roman Bednar on.

Man United finally take the lead despite playing like absolute pants today, and saving my betting day in the process. Carlos Tevez is the scorer, and hopefully his goal will get him a game or two in the starting XI. Elsewhere, West Ham take the lead late at Fratton Park’ the hero is Carlton Cole. “Hero” and “Carlton Cole” are not things you see together very often. Savour the flavour, Sir Carlton.

72 mins: To prove to you all that I’m still watching this drivel, Joe Cole shoots three miles wide despite having time and space to pick his spot. It’s petering out to a snooze at the moment. The crowd is rather quiet. I reckon washing Xmas dinner dishes would prove more exciting and enjoyable at this point.

Ballack gets a yellow for punching Chris Brunt in the face. I thought fist-to-face contact was a red card, no?

75 mins: A rare West Brom raid into the Spartak half dissolves, and at this point, I feel like I deserve a medal for stomaching this one. Send all medals to: UF Towers c/o Kinsale Tavern, New York, NY.

76 mins: Ivanovic whips in a decent corner but Ballack’s header is no trouble for the defense. Alex gets on the end of a second cross, but it’s well wide of Carson and the goal. Still 2-0.

James Morrison does well to dispossess Joe Cole on the right, and the Baggies counter well as Chris Brunt wins a corner. Please, pull a goal back, just to make this watchable!!!

Scolari makes his final substitution before the kick is taken: Deco on (what’s happened to him since September?), Joe Cole off.

Paul Robinson has a crack at goal following Ballack’s weak clearance, but Alex throws himself in the way and Cech is spared the work.

87 mins: A simply dire last 10 minutes, so I didn’t bother typing. After all, to paraphase some ancient Zen koan, how does one describe nothingness?

West Ham score their 4th, and it’s Bellamy again. So is everyone sold on the fact that he’s going to White Hart Lane in a week or two?

3 minutes of stoppage time. Heaven help us. I can only watch so much more of this disjointed, uninspiring football. If I squinted, I’d swear I was watching Serie A.

Spurs and Fulham are doing their best to discourage people from supporting them, as the clock ticks down on an awful 0-0.

90 mins + 2: Belletti wins a late corner after a nice run down the right. The wonderfully-named Gianni Zuiverloon heads it clear, and Deco fouls in the race for the loose ball. That’s it, surely.

FULL TIME: Chelsea 2, West Brom 0
Thank the lord that’s over. Join me at the next liveblog, won’t you?

Written by Darkvader on December 26th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Boxing Day is the best day ever and EPL and Liveblogs and Spartak London and West Bromwich Albion.

EPL Liveblog: Everton v. Spartak London

Ah what the heck, let’s do this. Spartak have won their first eight away games this season, tied with Spurs from 40+ years ago, and a win tonight would give them the record all to their greedy little soulless selves. Can they get it done at Goodison, a place where many decent teams get unstuck?

Does Tim Cahill have another injury-time header in him?

Bear with me, as this is a difficult undertaking: it’s truly a case of lesser of two evils tonight.

Won’t you come Toffee with me after the jump?

Lineups:
Everton: Howard, Hibbert, Yobo, Jagielka, Lescott, Neville, Osman, Arteta, Fellaini, Pienaar, Cahill.
Subs: Nash, Baines, Van der Meyde, Rodwell, Jutkiewicz, Gosling, Kissock.

Spartak London: Cech, Bosingwa, Alex, Terry, Ashley Cole, Mikel, Joe Cole, Ballack, Lampard, Deco, Anelka.
Subs: Cudicini, Ivanovic, Drogba, Malouda, Bridge, Kalou, Belletti.

Once again, Everton have no actual striker on the pitch, and their subs bench would give Wikipedia nightmares. If you know who Gosling or Kissock are (besides perfectly good names for a new piano-driven indie band), then bully for you.

Meanwhile, for Spartak, Big Phil has continued to keep Anelka and Drogba separated, like the unstable elements that they are.

2 mins: Shaky start for Everton, as Bosingwa’s deep cross from the right floats over Hibbert and gives Ashley Cole a great opportunity. Cole volleys it and forces a difficult save from Howard. They then waste the corner.

This is Spartak’s to lose, honestly. They’re playing a team that hasn’t won at home yet in the league and has no healthy strikers. If those aren’t helpful, I don’t know what is.

7 mins: Scrappy in the midfield, just how Everton would like it. The only chance they’ve got is to double-team whoever’s on the ball and get a leg in. These Spartak lads don’t like being knocked around.

Neville tests Cech from 25 yards, driving a low shot that the helmeted traffic cone smothers easily.

10 mins: Good chance for Everton. Arteta finds Pienaar on the right, and his lofted cross to Cahill at the back post ends up in Cech’s arms. He tried heading back across goal, but no-one was there. That’ll happen when you have no-one who knows how to play striker.

12 mins: Another good opening for the Toffees, again via the air. Some neat interplay down the right yields a half-decent cross, but Fellaini can only head straight to Cech. Encouraging odds for an Everton goal at the moment.

15 mins: Chelsea’s passing from left-to-right is very nice, but they’re not finding much room moving forward.

An errant pass from Lampard ends up with Tim Howard. The home side are showing much more enterprise going forward. Lescott has a jaunt down the left, of all people, and wins a corner off Bosingwa. Arteta to take…

… and nothing.

18 mins: Nervy for Everton, as Joe Cole’s cross meets Alex’s head and falls to Anelka, but he’s narrowly offside.

20 mins: Spartak are beginning to wake up. Some lovely passing frees Lampard at the top of the box, and his shot thumps off Jagielka’s head and over the bar. Never mind — Anelka handled it in the build-up.

23 mins: The gaps are appearing in Everton’s rearguard as Spartak press the tempo down either wing. It helps their cause that Everton haven’t cleared the ball beyond halfway for a couple of minutes now. Fancy footwork from Joe Cole releases Lamps, whose cross is knocked out for a corner, which is headed out for another corner. Deco takes it short and Arteta takes a piece of his ankle for the trouble. Free kick out on the left, Lampard to whip it in.

26 mins: Hello, Everton? Feel free to make this competitive. Their efforts of 15 minutes ago seem like they were months ago.

29 mins: Sorry lads, not much to report at the moment. It’s about as dreary as any other Everton game we’ve seen this season.

31 mins: Phil Neville wastes a long throw deep in Spartak territory, and Spartak counterattack. They respond by dithering in midfield and when they finally do decide to move forward, Joe Cole is offside.

34 mins: Everton create some space in midfield, and Phil Neville responds with an excited, leaden-footed long ball to Fellaini that ends up in the crowd. Dismal stuff at the moment. Deco and Mikel run like headless chickens, Lampard has had no contributions of merit, and now trouble for Spartak…

RED CARD FOR SPARTAK: John Terry is off, and the boos rain down at Goodison (can boos rain down? Discuss). Terry flies in like a maniac as Leon Osman controls the ball. He flies off his feet, studs up, and takes out Osman’s foot. Phil Dowd fumbles in his pocket for the red and waves it like a peacock displaying his plumage. Terry is speechless, which tells the whole story really. Dangerous play, Osman hobbles for a while, and Spartak are without their captain and central defender.

38 mins: Cahill finds the book for a hand-to-face rake on poor Michael Ballack as the two challenge for a header. More sendings-off in this one? Quite probably.

So… 10 men and away from home? Will they play for the point now?

40 mins: It’s in danger of boiling over at Goodison as both teams are tackling later and later. Plan of attack for Everton will be to ping crosses in from both sides to test out Alex.

42 mins: Surprising to no-one, all the action is down at Spartak’s end as Hibbert and Pienaar are trying to bomb down the right wing every chance they get. As the pressure mounts, Alex bundles Cahill down and wins possession, but Dowd gives a free-kick to Everton, 20 yards out and bang in front of goal. Arteta will fancy this. Meanwhile, Lamps shows his appreciation for the Respect The Ref initiative and gives Dowd some lip service, receiving a yellow card for his choice of words. Dissent — look it up, folks. Ashley Cole picks up a yellow seconds later for the exact same thing. Hilarious, really. John Terry’s absence has rattled the visitors. They could end up with 8 men by the end of full-time.

Arteta’s free-kick hits the wall, and falls to Yobo who volleys into Cech’s stomach. Good low save by Cech, and Spartak breathe again. They’re in no rush to attack. Half-time will be a refuge for their tempers.

2 mins of stoppage time.

Half Time: Everton 0, Spartak London 0
The rest of the first half passes (sadly) without incident, but the home side will fancy their chances after the break. Fellaini, Cahill, and Pienaar look far more enterprising than Deco, Ballack and Lampard.

Subs for Chelsea: Joe Cole and Anelka off, Ivanovic and Drogba on. 4-4-1 from hereon out.

48 mins: Mikel gets a half-chance, firing wide from 20 yards. You get the feeling there won’t be many of those chances in the 2nd half.

52 mins: Hibbert puts a glorious cross on Fellaini’s head, and he heads right at goal. Good pressure from Everton at the moment! I am surely not the only one who hopes it translates to goals.

55 mins: Lampard whips in a free kick from the right wing that Alex gets to over Lescott, but his powerful effort was always going wide.

Another surge by Everton sparked by Fellaini through the middle - his presence is rather difficult for Mikel to handle - but Phil Neville’s cross has no power behind it and Alex hoofs it clear.

60 mins: Another cross for Everton, this time from the left, that Cech rises confidently to steal from Fellaini’s fro’d head. Yobo picks up hamstring knack and is replaced by Leighton Baines. Spartak don’t look too terrible on the counter as Drogba is used to creating his own scoring chances, but if goals are coming from anywhere (and believe me, I’m skeptical), you have to fancy it at Cech’s end.

Mikel wastes a free-kick, sailing it over Drogba’s head for a goal kick. Uninspiring play from Mikel.

64 mins: A couple of corners in quick succession for Everton as they keep asking questions down the wings. Arteta’s latest one is cleared but he gets a chance to cross again, and Jagielka’s flick is well-blocked. Another cross from Arteta gets a gentle flick from Fellaini (who is becoming a real nuisance in the air) but Cahill can’t get on the end. The home crowd is singing loud, now. They feel due for a goal. Do any of you?

68 mins: Spartak win a free kick 20 yards out, and while Phil Dowd struggles to set the wall, Ballack complains a little and becomes the 3rd Spartak player booked for dissent. Hilarious, although this one was unfair. Big Phil can do nothing but laugh in the dugout. When it’s not your day, it’s just not your day.

72 mins: Patchy play at the moment, as Everton aren’t really maximizing their man advantage. Plenty of possession for Spartak at the moment, and they’re quite happy to knock it around and kill some time.

Ballack wins a rather lazy corner, and Lamps swings it into Tim Howard’s hands.

76 mins: Almost a goal! Very much in the vein of Milner’s late winner on Saturday. Hibbert’s deep cross takes a huge bounce off Lampard’s back (yes, he was ducking out of the way, shielding his face) and almost loops over Cech, but he reacts quickly to palm it over.

Cech then makes another phenomenal reaction save as Lescott’s strong header was destined for the top corner, but Petr made it across in the nick of time. Great pressure for Everton now. It’s almost enough to make me wish Hibbert played for LFC, as he’s actually capable of a good cross from the right.

79 mins: Pienaar wins a free kick 25 out. Arteta fancies this one… his corners have been crap today, but Fellaini and his hair are eager to get another chance.

Arteta takes it short and it fails, but Baines gets it right in the corner and he skids it agonizingly across the 6-yard box. Fellaini backheels it along, and it bobbles just wide of the post. Can Spartak hang on? Cech had no chance with that one.

Ivanovic takes out Cahill in the air and Everton get another chance. Free kick, 25 out, just right of goal. Arteta, Baines and Pienaar huddle over the ball.

81 mins: Arteta lofts it over the bar. 8+ minutes left. Andy Gray thinks Chelsea would take a point right now. Really, would they? I mean technically you’re right, but I think they’d be ecstatic about it. I don’t even know where to begin. Such salient wisdom from the former Everton man.

83 mins: Spartak threaten, and Drogba snuffs out the chance by shoving Jagielka in the back.

84 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL…. well, no. Another of those low, fast crosses along the edge of the 6-yard box, and a melee ensues. Fellaini puts it in, and from the scrum, Pienaar stabs it in through Cech’s fingertips. Goodison erupts, but Pienaar is a step offside. Cech takes an awful beating in trying to keep the ball out. I am unsympathetic. Sorry about that, it’s still 0-0! Just add another talking point to the list.

86 mins: Play finally restarts, and Drogba fouls immediately. Back down the other end, then. Plenty of stoppage time to follow too, we can expect.

Spartak sub: Wayne Bridge on, Deco off.

90 mins + 1: Just two minutes added, and all that tension of 10 minutes ago appears to be fizzling out.

To reiterate: Spartak down to ten men after 35 minutes, 0-0 at the moment. David Moyes should be a little upset at this. Spartak get a late free-kick in Everton’s half, and a chance to snatch it.

Mikel’s effort is headed clear, and Dowd blows his whistle.

Full Time: Everton 0, Spartak London 0
To be fair to the bastards, Spartak did battle bravely after losing their captain in the first half. He’ll miss the West Brom game for his troubles. Cech limps off after taking a beating, and he was a titan today, keeping everything out.

Of course, this means Liverpool head into Christmas Day at the top of the English Premier League, and I feel obliged to point out that in almost every instance, the league leader at Xmas itself has been the eventual league winner.

Thanks for sticking with me through the mire and afternoon malaise. Now we can all go home!

Written by Darkvader on December 22nd, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL and Everton and Liveblogs and Spartak London.

EPL Liveblog, Pt. 2: West Ham v. Aston Villa

Well, I’m up for it this afternoon. Feeling ill in bed, I need a sense of purpose. Thus, a second liveblog of the day.

West Ham. Aston Villa. Will O’Neill get a firmer grip on 4th place, or will Zola’s London renaissance continue?

Come Claret with me after the jump and make me feel loved.

LINEUPS
West Ham: Green, Neill, Davenport, Upson, Ilunga, Collison, Noble, Parker, Behrami, Bellamy, Cole.
Subs: Lastuvka, Boa Morte, Mullins, Faubert, Tristan, Bowyer, Di Michele.

Aston Villa: Friedel, Cuellar, Davies, Laursen, Luke Young, Petrov, Milner, Sidwell, Barry, Ashley Young, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Guzan, Harewood, Delfouneso, Knight, Reo-Coker, Shorey, Gardner.

They’re in the tunnel getting ready to appear. I am hoping and praying that there will be goals in this one. Shit, if Sunderland can give us 4 goals by themselves, hopefully Agbo and Ashley can do the same for us here.

And we’re off!

3 mins: Early corner for Villa, but Green (aka England’s future #1, surely) comes out confidently to collect. This sentiment is amplified when I see how nervous David James looks when faced with any ball crossed into the 6-yard box.

5 mins: Villa are harassing the Hammers, making every simple pass across the backline seem like a chore. Ashley Young’s already found some room down the left wing. Expect more of that as time goes on.

8 mins: Cagey start thus far. Both sides scrapping in midfield and trying to dictate the pace. Behrami gets hauled to ground by Barry as they battle for a 50/50 ball, giving the Hammers a free-kick 30 yards out on the right. Surely Bellamy’s not looking to shoot from there, is he?

It’s crossed in and headed back across goal by Davenport. Lucas Neill has enough room to shoot, but his weak half-volley lands right in Friedel’s hands. Simple save. Counts as a half-chance.

10 mins: OUCH. Ilunga and Cuellar go full tilt for a loose ball and clash hard, with Ilunga’s knee ending up buried in the Villa player’s thigh. Cuellar is slow to get up and looks in some pain. It’s a miracle he still has a right leg. O’Neill has a quick word and warms up a sub or two just in case. Not a bad idea as Cuellar hasn’t managed anything above a limp since rejoining the action.

13 mins: Sh*t… the speedy malcontent Bellamy gets in behind the defense and clean through on goal, his low shot forces a fine leg save from Friedel. Should have buried that. Zola squirms in his seat, knowing that should have been 1-0. Troubling times for the visitors. Villa pour forward and win a corner off Lucas Neill. Ashley Young to swing it in…

… and while it bounces around in the area, eventually West Ham clear. Plenty of space to be had in midfield if either side is feeling brave.

3 decent efforts on goal for the Hammers thus far, nothing of note for Villa. Ashley gets around Behrami down the left and gets dragged to the floor. Young takes the free kick himself, short to Steve Sidwell, and he has a shot from the edge of the box. Tons of power, no direction whatsoever. Well off-target, 10 yards wide to the right.

25 mins: Sorry, stepped away for a few minutes to hack up a lung. Being ill over the holidays are never fun.

27 mins: As soon as I come back, Villa get a gift as Parker plays a terrible backpass that gives Ashley Young a chance one-on-one with Green. He beats Green for pace but pulls the ball too wide, and his shot at the empty net ends up hitting the post and pinging out.

28 mins: Yes, Precious Roy, they are definitely outplaying Villa. Then again, that’s what it so bewitching about Villa: all they need is a half-chance to break an opponent’s will, regardless of having far less possession and shots on goal. The pattern might well continue if Scott Parker plays such ridiculous backpasses without looking.

30 mins: Was that a penalty a minute ago? Lucas Neill smothers Gareth Barry in the box like a warm blanket, and no whistle.

31 mins: Gabby Agbo flops under pressure from Calum Davenport after a trademark run-right-into-traffic, and Ashley Young puts the free kick just wide of the post. Green had no chance of stopping it if it were an inch to the right. Another good chance for Villa, yet the game remains goalless.

Here’s a thought: if Villa win today, they’ll be 4 points out of 1st place. Should we include them in the EPL title chase? It seems foolish not to, especially with their pace up-front.

Never thought I’d ever think that, by the way.

35 mins: Well, Bellamy goes close again. He gets free down the right and forces a corner as Curtis Davies heads behind. Good pressure from the Hammers. As much as I hate him, Bellamy is finding some rare form of late.

38 mins: Nothing substantial happening at the moment. There is tension in the game as Capello watches from the stands, but you get the feeling that it’ll amount to a 0-0.

Bellamy gets another good cross in from the right but no-one can get on the end. Curtis Davies looks like a titan at the back.

40 mins: Frustration for Villa as yet another crossfield pass ends up floating out for a throw-in. They look far from their usual selves, playing more errant passes than Jermaine Pennant on a good day.

43 mins: Behrami unleashes a wicked swerving volley down Friedel’s throat, knocking the Yank GK off his feet in making the save.

45 mins: Robert Green is forced to show his class once again, as Villa split the defense twice. Gabby can’t control initially to shoot, but Milner and Barry force two good saves within 10 seconds. Please, fire David James already, Mr. Capello.

HALF TIME: West Ham 0, Aston Villa 0
Fair result thus far. The Hammers are dictating possession and looking more inventive in midfield, but Villa’s squandered three glorious chances to put the game away. Please, give this ailing liveblogger some goals.

Quick moment for some wonderful Beckham PR work as he’s officially unveiled at AC Milan today:

“Meanwhile, David Beckham is officially unveiled at AC Milan. I’ve already fallen in love. I love the history behind great teams. It’s going to be hard to leave but we all know that I play in America for the Galaxy. But I’m going to have a great time here I hope.”

I love the nonchalance of his LA Galaxy reference, and the loaded language. You just know he’s never coming back, right?

Subs for West Ham to start the second half: Hayden Mullins on, Scott Parker off. A substitution they’ve used a few times lately as Parker struggles to find full match fitness. Mullins did play a blinder against Spartak the other week.

46 mins: West Ham begin the half like they ended the first: with good possession and movement up the pitch. Ilunga gives Bellamy a glimpse of goal but he’s well marked and gives Friedel a simple save.

Ashley Young barges into Behrami under a high ball, giving the Hammers a free kick in a tasty position 25-ish yards out. Noble swings it in and Upson gets a free header on it, but there’s no-one on the near post to re-direct it and it goes wide. Opportunity missed.

49 mins: More Hammers pressure as Carlton Cole earns yet another corner for the home side. Lucas Neill gets a clean header from Noble’s delivery but puts it yards over the bar. There’s a goal coming soon, I can sense it despite my weakness…

52 mins: I don’t think Villa have taken the pitch yet to start the second half. More half-hearted defending gives West Ham another corner, only for Sidwell to shank it clear. All the action is around Friedel’s goal at the minute. No cohesion or comfort on the ball for O’Neill’s side in this second half yet.

54 mins: A Luke Young sighting! He gets a second to cross from the wing but puts it out of play. Agbo and Ashley have been non-existent thus far, thanks to the hustle of the Hammers midfield to cut out distribution. They’re definitely the EPL’s form team at the moment. Parker, Noble, Mullins are a nightmare to face in front of Upson, Davenport and Neill. Nigh-on impossible to break them down.

56 mins: Time for another tactical Zola sub (Parker wasn’t injured; purely tactics)… looks like Behrami will be exiting.

Here it is: Valon Behrami off, Lee Bowyer on.

Villa will take the stoppage to make a change as well: Carlos Cuellar off, Nigel Reo-Coker on. He’s booed immediately with every touch he gets on the ball. Breaking the Hammers’ hearts by causing a fuss and demanding a transfer away from Upton Park will do that, I guess.

60 mins: Carlton Cole, HUUUUUHH, What are you good for, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, say it again! He wastes a glorious chance to give West Ham the lead, managing to head Lucas Neill’s gorgeous cross over the bar from 4 yards out.

Villa come down and cause a scare, as Luke Young’s long cross to the back post misses everyone but James Milner, but he can’t get on the end of it.

64 mins: The Hammers fans are rejuvenated by the appearance of Reo-Coker. Every touch is greeted with a chorus of boos and insults. I love this game. Fans never forget this stuff.

Villa waste a corner and Bellamy gets space and time on the ball in the box. His cross sits up perfectly for Carlton Cole, except Laursen nips in at the last second to divert the ball off his feet. Cole still manages a shot on the rebound, and Friedel saves with his feet. So wasteful, Mr. Cole.

Trying times for Villa. Another West Ham corner out on the right, Noble to take…

… and Davenport gets a free header, putting it just over the bar. I don’t remember the last time Villa were this outmatched in the air, and this outplayed on the floor as well.

66 mins: Cole goes close again, shoving past two defenders and forcing a near-post save and clearance from Friedel. Villa counter-attack with Ashley Young, but Neill knocks him over to slow the pace and picks up a yellow card.

A West Ham goal is imminent. Surely. Remove Carlton Cole and replace with any semi-competent striker, and this game is over.

Written by Darkvader on December 20th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL and Liveblogs and aston villa and feeling ill and have nothing better to do and west ham.

EPL Live Blog: Worst fixture Saturday ever

O Deities, what hast we done to deserve this horror, this torment, this torture?

Perhaps as penance for some greater cosmic evil, we’re given the worst slate of Saturday games since the sport was invented.

Seriously.

It’s as if the EPL gods decided that a Liverpool/Arsenal match (which probably won’t be very memorable anyways) was good enough for the entire fixture list, and as such, we’re stuck today with the bitter dregs, all the games you would never pay to see.

Because I’m a sadist, I think I’ll liveblog, depending on which game has the best streaming feed. If they’re all rubbish (and that might be a blessing in disguise), we’ll keep to an open thread.

Either way, please settle in and support the Worst Saturday Ever. It’s enough to make Roy Keane quit his job all over again.

Come P45 with us after the jump. Fixtures, lineups, banter. You know the deal.

Saturday in the EPL
Blackburn v. Stoke
Bolton v. Portsmouth
Fulham v. Middlesbrough
Hull v. Sunderland
West Ham v. Aston Villa (12.30pm kick-off)

Actually, that Ham/Villa game might not be so bad, but to get to it, we have four clunkers. How many 0-0 draws will we get? How many chances will Defoe fluff in front of goal? Can the Ricky S express at Sunderland continue?

LINEUPS:
—-
Blackburn v. Stoke
Blackburn: Robinson, Ooijer, Samba, Nelsen, Warnock, Emerton, Dunn, Andrews, Pedersen, McCarthy, Roberts.
Subs: Brown, Kerimoglu, Khizanishvili, Mokoena, Simpson, Judge, Derbyshire.

Stoke: Sorensen, Shawcross, Sonko, Abdoulaye Faye, Higginbotham, Delap, Whelan, Amdy Faye, Cresswell, Pericard, Fuller.
Subs: Simonsen, Olofinjana, Soares, Pugh, Davies, Tonge, Wilkinson.
—-

Bolton v. Portsmouth
Bolton: Jaaskelainen, Steinsson, Cahill, Andrew O’Brien, Samuel, Davies, Nolan, McCann, Taylor, Gardner, Elmander.
Subs: Al Habsi, Muamba, Smolarek, Riga, Shittu, Basham, Obadeyi.

Portsmouth: James, Pamarot, Campbell, Distin, Hreidarsson, Diop, Davis, Hughes, Kranjcar, Defoe, Crouch.
Subs: Ashdown, Diarra, Nugent, Little, Kanu, Armand Traore, Wilson.
—-

Fulham v. Middlesbrough
Fulham: Schwarzer, Pantsil, Hughes, Hangeland, Konchesky, Davies, Bullard, Murphy, Gera, Dempsey, Johnson.
Subs: Zuberbuhler, Zamora, Nevland, Etuhu, Stoor, Andreasen, Kallio.

Middlesbrough: Turnbull, McMahon, Riggott, Huth, Pogatetz, Johnson, Shawky, Arca, Downing, Aliadiere, Sanli.
Subs: Jones, Taylor, Mido, Emnes, Alves, Wheater, Walker.
—-

Hull v. Sunderland
Hull: Myhill, Mendy, Turner, Zayatte, Ricketts, Garcia, Ashbee, Boateng, Geovanni, Barmby, King.
Subs: Duke, Doyle, Windass, Halmosi, Marney, Cousin, Giannakopoulos.

Sunderland: Fulop, Bardsley, Nosworthy, Ferdinand, Collins, Malbranque, Tainio, Richardson, Reid, Jones, Cisse.
Subs: Colgan, Whitehead, Edwards, Murphy, Leadbitter, Yorke, Healy.
—-

Biggest news thus far today:
Roque Santa Cruz misses Big Sam’s Blackburn debut. So… who will he be playing for in January, and how much will they pay for him?
—-

Early reports suggest that I’ll be digesting the Hull/Sunderland action. If any of ‘em have the potential to erupt into goals, this would be it.

Lineups are above… see you in a few minutes.

Of course, the Hull game is now being broadcast in Arabic, so maybe I should have amended my earlier statement to read “whichever game I can find in English, I’ll watch.” Stay tuned, I think it might end up being Blackburn. (WHY LORD, WHY?!?!?)

Sorry folks, a few technical difficulties. Apparently I’ve already missed two goals in the Bolton game. Crap.

Finally found a feed for Blackburn/Stoke… let’s get stuck in despite being ten minutes late.

8 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL… As soon as I turn it on, Big Sam’s lads get a goal from the penalty spot. Gamst Pedersen is annihilated by Ibrahima Sonko and Benni McCarthy steps up to convert the spot kick. Great start for Allardyce! Blackburn 1, Stoke 0

10 mins: Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Blackburn M.O. of scoring a goal and then looking hopeless at the back continues. Stoke pile on the pressure and Ricardo Fuller has a fair penalty shout as he gets sandwiched between Samba and Ooijer. There will be more goals in this one.

15 mins: Watching Fuller and Chris Samba tussle time and again is going to be fun. They’re both about 6 ft 6 and carved from solid oak, and their clashes around the area are reminiscent of that “unstoppable force v. unmoveable object” image. Gamst gets a spot of space wide on the left, but floats a cross right into Simonsen’s hands (Thomas Sorensen was injured in warm-ups). Neither team are afraid to leave acres of space in midfield. End to end stuff so far.

17 mins: More space down the left for Blackburn as Warnock gets a cross in that Stoke clear, but only just. Throw-in from the right wing.

18 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL… another for Blackburn! The quick throw-in is whipped across the face of goal and Shawcross inexplicably clears it off his shin right to Jason Roberts, who tucks it underneath Simonsen. No chance for the goalie. Shocking, shocking defending, and Big Sam has 2 goals seemingly from nothing. Blackburn 2, Stoke 0

20 mins: Fuller and Nelsen clash in midfield, leaving the Blackburn defender in a heap. Drop-ball gets us back underway, and Stoke pile on more pressure. Robinson comes out a mile to punch another inswinging cross clear, and it looks like he took out his own defender in the proceess. Andre Ooijer doesn’t appear to know what time or day it is as he is slowly helped to his feet.

Both Blackburn goals have come against the run of play, and their inability to assert themselves in the middle of the pitch is going to be a problem.

23 mins: Nice passing in midfield by Stoke amounts to nothing as Emerton breaks up the play, and now Amdy Faye is down, rubbing his head and wondering just where he went wrong in life to end up living and playing in Stoke.

Technical difficulties plague me yet again… be right back.

30 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL…. unbelievable! Big Sam gets another goal as Blackburn play their best football of the year. Roberts and McCarthy link up like the second coming of Romario and Bebeto, as Benni flicks on for Jason whose shot is saved, but his partner-in-crime is in the perfect place to drive the rebound home. Ewood Park might collapse under the weight of cheering and false hope. Blackburn 3, Stoke 0

Amazing what a new manager can do, innit? Samba takes a knock but rejoins the fray. You get the feeling that Blackburn simply don’t want to stop scoring. Stoke look battered and bruised, like the chef who cooked Mike Ashley’s last 10-course dinner. They’ve no response to the physicality, the desire, and the patented New Manager Effect (I believe our resident statistician/Chelsea fan, Autoglass, has a theory about it).

39 mins: Stoke are still looking to get forward down the wings, but Samba tidies up the mess. Stoke throw, which Delap isn’t taking for some reason. Blackburn clear easily.

If you’re Paul Ince, you have to wonder just why Benni McCarthy couldn’t do this three weeks ago. That must be so infuriating for the fired/departed manager, to turn on the TV and see the exact same group of players putting on a masterclass worthy of Brazil ‘82. Ah well, at least he got severance pay.

40 mins: The game’s not dead yet. Fuller is finding some room around the box as more neat Potters passing gives him an opening, but Amdy Faye takes the half-clearance and volleys it about 50 yards over the bar, and into the city center. Pulis looks perplexed. What can one do against the weight of a New Manager?

43 mins: Fuller isn’t happy with the ref as he gets manhandled by Nelsen once again.

45 mins: Stoke lurch forward again, looking for their first actual shot on goal. They’ve had plenty of those shots that end up in orbit, and Whelan adds another moon-bound shot to the tally, ruining a nice build-up by firing well wide from 30 yards. He had some room to push further forward as well.

Shut up, u75! I was being miserable earlier. I think I predicted a boatload of goals in yesterday’s predictions, thank you very much.

45 mins + 3: Fuller levels Nelsen as the header back to Robinson loses speed in the air, no card. Cresswell ends up getting into the book seconds later for a double-footed slide, which makes you wonder how Sonko didn’t get sent off for nearly removing Gamst’s leg inside 10 minutes.

Half Time: Blackburn 3, Stoke 0
Comfortable stuff for the home side and their shiny new manager.

Blackburn’s making a list, they’re checking it twice
Decided to go with Big Sam Allardyce
They’re winning though Santa will be leaving town

Time to take a break as Allardyce prepares for the easiest half-time talk of his patchy career.

Quick Poll:
If I can muster up the energy to liveblog the Villa game too, will you all stick around?

What does everyone want for Christmas this year? I’d love to see Liverpool still in 1st place by New Year’s Day. That’d be lovely.

They’re back on the pitch, and Stoke are ready to kick-off. Do they have any hope of a comeback? Blackburn are big fans of comedy defending.

46 mins: Stoke get things started, and win an early free-kick just inside the Blackburn half. Higginbotham drifts it in, and Warnock clears for a throw. Sonko manages to put the throw out for a goal-kick. Well done indeed, Ibrahim. He’s having a blinder so far.

48 mins: More Stoke pressure, and Faye wins a corner. Paul Robinson looks nervous. He’s not good from set pieces…

… and it’s almost disaster. Robbo comes off his line late and gets nowhere near it, relying on Samba to put it out for another corner. Whelan whips in a crap effort, and it’s cleared.

50 mins: Anything Stoke can do, Blackburn can do better. Gamst enjoys another mazy, threatening run down the left, forcing Shawcross to punt it out for a throw.

52 mins: The Potters are still giving it some effort. They win a throw-in right at the touchline that Sonko fires in. Mild panic in the box as Ooijer manages to get it clear, but it falls to Delap for a wide-open shot and he volleys into the crowd. Better from Stoke, to be sure. Robinson hasn’t really regained his confidence once he was shunned from Spurs, has he?

54 mins: Based on the first ten minutes of the half, you’d never believe Blackburn are winning 3-0. They are sitting back in their box, allowing wave after wave of Stoke throw-ins and corners. Here’s another for Whelan - it’s half-cleared and then his resultant cross ends up almost reaching the half-way line.

Shaky stuff from the home team. It says a lot when they still don’t look comfortable with a 3 goal lead against Stoke. Fuller wins a free-kick 25/30 yards out after Nelsen uses Fuller as a ladder to win an aerial challenge. Whelan to take…

… sooooo close Whelan’s effort shaves the post/crossbar junction, although Robinson was across to save if needed. Excellent attempt. Blackburn then manage to get into the Stoke half, but Roberts fouls Shawcross immediately and the traffic comes back the other direction. Really — this second half is confusing. Blackburn play like they’re frightened.

For those of you asking, here’s Cisse’s green hairstyle. Strangely enough, it’s not the worst one he’s ever had.

Aaaaand the feed’s gone again. I’ll be right back once I’ve killed the person responsible (and no, that doesn’t mean I’ll be committing suicide shortly.)

Subs for Stoke: Tonge and Soares on, Crap Delap and Pericard off.

64 mins: More chances for the Potters. Defending is not something that Blackburn know how to do. They should adopt a Detroit Lions approach and just spend all their money on strikers. Shit, if they can just score 7 goals a game, the 5 they concede won’t matter.

Fuller with a great chance - a cross in from the left and Ricardo loses his marker and heads it low across goal, forcing a great reaction save from Robinson.

68 mins: Blackburn win a free-kick 35 yards out and get a chance to catch their breath. Gamst is shaping up to blast it…

… and he lifts it miles over the goal, eliciting groans and moans from the home crowd. Big Sam preps a substitute: Dunn off to a standing ovation, Tugay to enter the fray.

70 mins: Stoke break quickly and Fuller gets bundled over again. He bites his tongue against the constant fouling and jogs upfield, hoping for some good service.

A rare break for Blackburn but Gamst gives it up far too easily. They can’t hold the ball for more than 60 seconds at a time, which has to make Big Sam nervous; after all, you can’t be winning every game 3-0 and start acting scared.

Stoke win another corner, their 3,596th of the game, but Blackburn clear easily.

74 mins: HOW DID HE MISS THAT? Tugay plays a wonderful through-ball setting Warnock free down the left. He whips in a low cross and Roberts forces a great double-save from Simonsen, once with a volley and then again with a header.

HOW DID HE MISS THAT, vol 2 Almost immediately, Roberts is put free through the middle, and his low shot is saved at Simonsen’s feet and out for a corner.

From the corner, it falls to Benni M and he hits the post. Stoke break but to no avail. Much better from Big Sam’s men!

Matt Derbyshire replaces Benni McCarthy for Blackburn, while Olofinjana replaces Amdy Faye for Stoke.

80 mins: Looks like both teams blew their load there. Lots of patchy possession in midfield, but Stoke are still happy to attack…

… and they almost score! Shawcross cuts in from the right, it falls to Olofinjana who volleys hard to Robbo’s right. He parries it and the rebound falls to Fuller (who’s a mile offside), and justice is served as he drags the shot wide of the far post.

82 mins: Whelan has space in midfield to shoot, and he puts it well wide under pressure. Pulis can call off the dogs now. Consolation goals are overrated anyway.

Sunderland take the lead right before Hull are reduced to 10 men. This is turning out to be a great weekend for two relegation-zone teams that just cleaned out their managers.

85 mins: Messy at the back for Stoke as Roberts threatens again, but Shawcross wakes up just in time to hoot it clear. Warnock then gets time on the left to whip in a cross, and it ends up in the stands.

Sub for Blackburn: Simpson on, Emerton off.

89 mins: Stoke almost get on the scoresheet as Chris Samba’s gaffe gives Cresswell a sniff at the near post, but it ends up scuffing the woodwork and going out for a goal kick. Robinson breathes again in search of the clean sheet.

BEST PART ABOUT SUNDERLAND AND BLACKBURN WINNING: It puts Manchester City in the relegation zone at 18th place. F*cking magic.

This game is just about dead. The loudspeaker announces Ryan Nelsen as Man of the Match, but we should check if managers can get the award, as Big Sam’s ability to waltz in and coax 3 goals out of a team that is woeful in attack is worthy of some accolade.

90 mins + 3: Roberts gets a whiff of Goal #4, but he finishes weakly at Simonsen’s feet. We’re just waiting to be put out of our misery now.

Stoke try gamely once more to get down the left wing, winning a throw for their troubles.

FULL TIME: Blackburn 3, Stoke 0
I think I’ll take a break before considering a Villa liveblog. That’s what being ill and confined to bed will do to you: it gives you the overwhelming urge to blog.

Written by Darkvader on December 20th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Complete and Utter Boredom and EPL and Liveblogs and Open Thread and Punishment for our sins.

CL Liveblog: Bordeaux v. Spartak London

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, which means I’m not at work and I’m sitting in front of the television ready for some live Champions League action. Shame they picked the dud of the fixture list. Ah well, beggars can’t be choosers.

So join after the jump, won’t you? Come read my disparaging assessment of a team I hate playing a team from a country I hate.

But first… what other games are on tap today?

Group A
Bordeaux v Chelsea
CFR Cluj v Roma

Group B
Anorthosis Famagusta v Werder Bremen
Inter Milan v Panathinaikos

Group C
Shakhtar Donetsk v Basle
Sporting Lisbon v Barcelona

Group D
Atletico Madrid v PSV Eindhoven
Liverpool v Marseille

Some intriguing storylines there, I think. I wanna see the Romanian team win again, personally.

Starting Lineups for LFC and Chelsea:
—-
Liverpool v. Marseille
Liverpool: Reina, Arbeloa, Carragher, Agger, Aurelio, Mascherano, Alonso, Kuyt, Gerrard, Riera, Torres.
Subs: Cavalieri, Dossena, Keane, Benayoun, Babel, Leiva Lucas, Kelly.

Marseille: Mandanda, Bonnart, Zubar, Hilton, Taiwo, Ziani, Cana, Cheyrou, Ben Arfa, Niang, Kone.
Subs: Riou, Rodriguez, Zenden, Kabore, Samassa, Grandin, Valbuena.
—-
Bordeaux v. Spartak London
Bordeaux: Valverde, Chalme, Planus, Diawara, Jurietti, Menegazzo, Diarra, Gourcuff, Gouffran, Wendell, Chamakh.
Subs: Olimpa, Cavenaghi, Bellion, Placente, Traore, Obertan, Tremoulinas.

Chelsea: Cech, Bosingwa, Ivanovic, Terry, Ashley Cole, Mikel, Joe Cole, Ballack, Lampard, Malouda, Anelka.
Subs: Cudicini, Drogba, Bridge, Ferreira, Kalou, Alex, Stoch.
—-

And we’re off.

1 mins: Immediately a foul by Chalme in the corner as he protects the ball out for a goal kick. I approve of this aggression against Scolari’s Spartak side.

4 mins: Nice little backheel flick by Cole that amounts to nothing, although Wendel gets clattered while chasing possession. A very cagey start early. The French crowd are singing at full volume, while both sides are playing in very ugly shirts.

Bordeaux break down the right wing but the move is halted when Terry hip-checks Gouffran and the ball goes out for a goal kick. No foul there?

6 mins: An early shot from Fernando tests Cech, who is forced to parry it out for a corner. Ballack gave him all the time in the world to shoot. Never a good idea, really.

11 mins: Sorry folks, a bit of technical trouble there slowed me down. Chamakh played Gouffran through on goal with a nice pass, forcing Cech to come out and clear, and then a foul by Mikel on the right gave an early free-kick some 30 yards out that Wendell promptly wasted. Bordeaux look much brighter than the garish yellow shirts of Spartak London in the early goings. The strategy seems to be attacking down the right wing, and so far it seems to be effective.

14 mins: Malouda scraps and hustles at the touchline under pressure, but nothing comes of it. Really, I don’t see how Spartak can continue being good with Kalou and Malouda. Sure, they’re top at the moment, but does anyone really think Anelka can keep scoring like he is? Not to mention the Drogba situation. Just offering that out there…

17 mins: I’d type faster if anything were really happening. Spartak aren’t showing much fluency moving forward, and Bordeaux are definitely looking more inventive. Spartak are playing the long ball game, which is drawing boos, wolf whistles and jeers from the style-minded crowd.

20 mins: Chalme gets clean through on the right edge of the box and blasts it goalward, forcing a diving save from Cech. Slowly but surely, the game is opening up… it helps that the two teams are now scuffling in midfield after an ankle tap by Mikel on Gourcuff right before John Terry clips him and falls all over him. The referee handles the mess with a yellow card for England’s Blundering John Terry.

22 mins: Tommy Smyth beats me to it: where are Frank Lampard and Michael Ballack? The middle of the Spartak midfield is practically empty, giving Gourcuff and Gouffran plenty of running room. Anelka fouls trying to get