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EPL Open Thread: Let’s Get This Started Early


Should anyone besides insomniacs and security guards be awake this early? If you’re as mad about the beautiful game as I am, then your alarm clock was set ages ago. 16 teams take the field today, and Newcastle/Liverpool will get us started.

The pressure’s on Rafa to keep winning… will a depleted Newcastle team oblige? Chelsea play at Fulham in a couple of hours, and they’re no longer pushovers, while Arsenal hosts a Portsmouth team that’s more inconsistent than they are. Sparky could use another emphatic win today to keep his grip on the job at Eastlands too.

Maybe a liveblog later, but I’m too nervous and hung over to give the treatment to my Reds.

Come wake up with us after the jump.

Today’s Fixtures:
Newcastle v. Liverpool (7am kick-off)

9am kick-offs:
Arsenal v. Portsmouth
Bolton v. Wigan
Everton v. Sunderland
Fulham v. Chelsea
West Brom v. Tottenham
West Ham v. Stoke City

Blackburn v. Manchester City (11.15am kick-off)

LINEUPS:
Newcastle: Given, Edgar, Taylor, Coloccini, Jose Enrique, Gutierrez, Guthrie, Butt, N’Zogbia, Duff, Owen.
Subs: Harper, Xisco, Geremi, Ameobi, Kadar, LuaLua, Carroll.

Liverpool: Reina, Carragher, Hyypia, Agger, Insua, Benayoun, Mascherano, Leiva Lucas, Babel, Gerrard, Kuyt.
Subs: Cavalieri, Keane, Riera, Alonso, Ngog, El Zhar, Skrtel.

Owen against his former club, tons of changes at the back for the Magpies. Meanwhile, Lucas and Mascherano will play alongside each other, Keane gets a rest after scoring 3 in his last 2, and Riera will also be used off the bench. Oh, and Babel gets a start! Hallelujah! There is a god!

Written by Darkvader on December 28th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL and Lingering Bursitis and Open Thread.

EPL Live Blog: Worst fixture Saturday ever

O Deities, what hast we done to deserve this horror, this torment, this torture?

Perhaps as penance for some greater cosmic evil, we’re given the worst slate of Saturday games since the sport was invented.

Seriously.

It’s as if the EPL gods decided that a Liverpool/Arsenal match (which probably won’t be very memorable anyways) was good enough for the entire fixture list, and as such, we’re stuck today with the bitter dregs, all the games you would never pay to see.

Because I’m a sadist, I think I’ll liveblog, depending on which game has the best streaming feed. If they’re all rubbish (and that might be a blessing in disguise), we’ll keep to an open thread.

Either way, please settle in and support the Worst Saturday Ever. It’s enough to make Roy Keane quit his job all over again.

Come P45 with us after the jump. Fixtures, lineups, banter. You know the deal.

Saturday in the EPL
Blackburn v. Stoke
Bolton v. Portsmouth
Fulham v. Middlesbrough
Hull v. Sunderland
West Ham v. Aston Villa (12.30pm kick-off)

Actually, that Ham/Villa game might not be so bad, but to get to it, we have four clunkers. How many 0-0 draws will we get? How many chances will Defoe fluff in front of goal? Can the Ricky S express at Sunderland continue?

LINEUPS:
—-
Blackburn v. Stoke
Blackburn: Robinson, Ooijer, Samba, Nelsen, Warnock, Emerton, Dunn, Andrews, Pedersen, McCarthy, Roberts.
Subs: Brown, Kerimoglu, Khizanishvili, Mokoena, Simpson, Judge, Derbyshire.

Stoke: Sorensen, Shawcross, Sonko, Abdoulaye Faye, Higginbotham, Delap, Whelan, Amdy Faye, Cresswell, Pericard, Fuller.
Subs: Simonsen, Olofinjana, Soares, Pugh, Davies, Tonge, Wilkinson.
—-

Bolton v. Portsmouth
Bolton: Jaaskelainen, Steinsson, Cahill, Andrew O’Brien, Samuel, Davies, Nolan, McCann, Taylor, Gardner, Elmander.
Subs: Al Habsi, Muamba, Smolarek, Riga, Shittu, Basham, Obadeyi.

Portsmouth: James, Pamarot, Campbell, Distin, Hreidarsson, Diop, Davis, Hughes, Kranjcar, Defoe, Crouch.
Subs: Ashdown, Diarra, Nugent, Little, Kanu, Armand Traore, Wilson.
—-

Fulham v. Middlesbrough
Fulham: Schwarzer, Pantsil, Hughes, Hangeland, Konchesky, Davies, Bullard, Murphy, Gera, Dempsey, Johnson.
Subs: Zuberbuhler, Zamora, Nevland, Etuhu, Stoor, Andreasen, Kallio.

Middlesbrough: Turnbull, McMahon, Riggott, Huth, Pogatetz, Johnson, Shawky, Arca, Downing, Aliadiere, Sanli.
Subs: Jones, Taylor, Mido, Emnes, Alves, Wheater, Walker.
—-

Hull v. Sunderland
Hull: Myhill, Mendy, Turner, Zayatte, Ricketts, Garcia, Ashbee, Boateng, Geovanni, Barmby, King.
Subs: Duke, Doyle, Windass, Halmosi, Marney, Cousin, Giannakopoulos.

Sunderland: Fulop, Bardsley, Nosworthy, Ferdinand, Collins, Malbranque, Tainio, Richardson, Reid, Jones, Cisse.
Subs: Colgan, Whitehead, Edwards, Murphy, Leadbitter, Yorke, Healy.
—-

Biggest news thus far today:
Roque Santa Cruz misses Big Sam’s Blackburn debut. So… who will he be playing for in January, and how much will they pay for him?
—-

Early reports suggest that I’ll be digesting the Hull/Sunderland action. If any of ‘em have the potential to erupt into goals, this would be it.

Lineups are above… see you in a few minutes.

Of course, the Hull game is now being broadcast in Arabic, so maybe I should have amended my earlier statement to read “whichever game I can find in English, I’ll watch.” Stay tuned, I think it might end up being Blackburn. (WHY LORD, WHY?!?!?)

Sorry folks, a few technical difficulties. Apparently I’ve already missed two goals in the Bolton game. Crap.

Finally found a feed for Blackburn/Stoke… let’s get stuck in despite being ten minutes late.

8 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL… As soon as I turn it on, Big Sam’s lads get a goal from the penalty spot. Gamst Pedersen is annihilated by Ibrahima Sonko and Benni McCarthy steps up to convert the spot kick. Great start for Allardyce! Blackburn 1, Stoke 0

10 mins: Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Blackburn M.O. of scoring a goal and then looking hopeless at the back continues. Stoke pile on the pressure and Ricardo Fuller has a fair penalty shout as he gets sandwiched between Samba and Ooijer. There will be more goals in this one.

15 mins: Watching Fuller and Chris Samba tussle time and again is going to be fun. They’re both about 6 ft 6 and carved from solid oak, and their clashes around the area are reminiscent of that “unstoppable force v. unmoveable object” image. Gamst gets a spot of space wide on the left, but floats a cross right into Simonsen’s hands (Thomas Sorensen was injured in warm-ups). Neither team are afraid to leave acres of space in midfield. End to end stuff so far.

17 mins: More space down the left for Blackburn as Warnock gets a cross in that Stoke clear, but only just. Throw-in from the right wing.

18 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL… another for Blackburn! The quick throw-in is whipped across the face of goal and Shawcross inexplicably clears it off his shin right to Jason Roberts, who tucks it underneath Simonsen. No chance for the goalie. Shocking, shocking defending, and Big Sam has 2 goals seemingly from nothing. Blackburn 2, Stoke 0

20 mins: Fuller and Nelsen clash in midfield, leaving the Blackburn defender in a heap. Drop-ball gets us back underway, and Stoke pile on more pressure. Robinson comes out a mile to punch another inswinging cross clear, and it looks like he took out his own defender in the proceess. Andre Ooijer doesn’t appear to know what time or day it is as he is slowly helped to his feet.

Both Blackburn goals have come against the run of play, and their inability to assert themselves in the middle of the pitch is going to be a problem.

23 mins: Nice passing in midfield by Stoke amounts to nothing as Emerton breaks up the play, and now Amdy Faye is down, rubbing his head and wondering just where he went wrong in life to end up living and playing in Stoke.

Technical difficulties plague me yet again… be right back.

30 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL…. unbelievable! Big Sam gets another goal as Blackburn play their best football of the year. Roberts and McCarthy link up like the second coming of Romario and Bebeto, as Benni flicks on for Jason whose shot is saved, but his partner-in-crime is in the perfect place to drive the rebound home. Ewood Park might collapse under the weight of cheering and false hope. Blackburn 3, Stoke 0

Amazing what a new manager can do, innit? Samba takes a knock but rejoins the fray. You get the feeling that Blackburn simply don’t want to stop scoring. Stoke look battered and bruised, like the chef who cooked Mike Ashley’s last 10-course dinner. They’ve no response to the physicality, the desire, and the patented New Manager Effect (I believe our resident statistician/Chelsea fan, Autoglass, has a theory about it).

39 mins: Stoke are still looking to get forward down the wings, but Samba tidies up the mess. Stoke throw, which Delap isn’t taking for some reason. Blackburn clear easily.

If you’re Paul Ince, you have to wonder just why Benni McCarthy couldn’t do this three weeks ago. That must be so infuriating for the fired/departed manager, to turn on the TV and see the exact same group of players putting on a masterclass worthy of Brazil ‘82. Ah well, at least he got severance pay.

40 mins: The game’s not dead yet. Fuller is finding some room around the box as more neat Potters passing gives him an opening, but Amdy Faye takes the half-clearance and volleys it about 50 yards over the bar, and into the city center. Pulis looks perplexed. What can one do against the weight of a New Manager?

43 mins: Fuller isn’t happy with the ref as he gets manhandled by Nelsen once again.

45 mins: Stoke lurch forward again, looking for their first actual shot on goal. They’ve had plenty of those shots that end up in orbit, and Whelan adds another moon-bound shot to the tally, ruining a nice build-up by firing well wide from 30 yards. He had some room to push further forward as well.

Shut up, u75! I was being miserable earlier. I think I predicted a boatload of goals in yesterday’s predictions, thank you very much.

45 mins + 3: Fuller levels Nelsen as the header back to Robinson loses speed in the air, no card. Cresswell ends up getting into the book seconds later for a double-footed slide, which makes you wonder how Sonko didn’t get sent off for nearly removing Gamst’s leg inside 10 minutes.

Half Time: Blackburn 3, Stoke 0
Comfortable stuff for the home side and their shiny new manager.

Blackburn’s making a list, they’re checking it twice
Decided to go with Big Sam Allardyce
They’re winning though Santa will be leaving town

Time to take a break as Allardyce prepares for the easiest half-time talk of his patchy career.

Quick Poll:
If I can muster up the energy to liveblog the Villa game too, will you all stick around?

What does everyone want for Christmas this year? I’d love to see Liverpool still in 1st place by New Year’s Day. That’d be lovely.

They’re back on the pitch, and Stoke are ready to kick-off. Do they have any hope of a comeback? Blackburn are big fans of comedy defending.

46 mins: Stoke get things started, and win an early free-kick just inside the Blackburn half. Higginbotham drifts it in, and Warnock clears for a throw. Sonko manages to put the throw out for a goal-kick. Well done indeed, Ibrahim. He’s having a blinder so far.

48 mins: More Stoke pressure, and Faye wins a corner. Paul Robinson looks nervous. He’s not good from set pieces…

… and it’s almost disaster. Robbo comes off his line late and gets nowhere near it, relying on Samba to put it out for another corner. Whelan whips in a crap effort, and it’s cleared.

50 mins: Anything Stoke can do, Blackburn can do better. Gamst enjoys another mazy, threatening run down the left, forcing Shawcross to punt it out for a throw.

52 mins: The Potters are still giving it some effort. They win a throw-in right at the touchline that Sonko fires in. Mild panic in the box as Ooijer manages to get it clear, but it falls to Delap for a wide-open shot and he volleys into the crowd. Better from Stoke, to be sure. Robinson hasn’t really regained his confidence once he was shunned from Spurs, has he?

54 mins: Based on the first ten minutes of the half, you’d never believe Blackburn are winning 3-0. They are sitting back in their box, allowing wave after wave of Stoke throw-ins and corners. Here’s another for Whelan - it’s half-cleared and then his resultant cross ends up almost reaching the half-way line.

Shaky stuff from the home team. It says a lot when they still don’t look comfortable with a 3 goal lead against Stoke. Fuller wins a free-kick 25/30 yards out after Nelsen uses Fuller as a ladder to win an aerial challenge. Whelan to take…

sooooo close Whelan’s effort shaves the post/crossbar junction, although Robinson was across to save if needed. Excellent attempt. Blackburn then manage to get into the Stoke half, but Roberts fouls Shawcross immediately and the traffic comes back the other direction. Really — this second half is confusing. Blackburn play like they’re frightened.

For those of you asking, here’s Cisse’s green hairstyle. Strangely enough, it’s not the worst one he’s ever had.

Aaaaand the feed’s gone again. I’ll be right back once I’ve killed the person responsible (and no, that doesn’t mean I’ll be committing suicide shortly.)

Subs for Stoke: Tonge and Soares on, Crap Delap and Pericard off.

64 mins: More chances for the Potters. Defending is not something that Blackburn know how to do. They should adopt a Detroit Lions approach and just spend all their money on strikers. Shit, if they can just score 7 goals a game, the 5 they concede won’t matter.

Fuller with a great chance - a cross in from the left and Ricardo loses his marker and heads it low across goal, forcing a great reaction save from Robinson.

68 mins: Blackburn win a free-kick 35 yards out and get a chance to catch their breath. Gamst is shaping up to blast it…

… and he lifts it miles over the goal, eliciting groans and moans from the home crowd. Big Sam preps a substitute: Dunn off to a standing ovation, Tugay to enter the fray.

70 mins: Stoke break quickly and Fuller gets bundled over again. He bites his tongue against the constant fouling and jogs upfield, hoping for some good service.

A rare break for Blackburn but Gamst gives it up far too easily. They can’t hold the ball for more than 60 seconds at a time, which has to make Big Sam nervous; after all, you can’t be winning every game 3-0 and start acting scared.

Stoke win another corner, their 3,596th of the game, but Blackburn clear easily.

74 mins: HOW DID HE MISS THAT? Tugay plays a wonderful through-ball setting Warnock free down the left. He whips in a low cross and Roberts forces a great double-save from Simonsen, once with a volley and then again with a header.

HOW DID HE MISS THAT, vol 2 Almost immediately, Roberts is put free through the middle, and his low shot is saved at Simonsen’s feet and out for a corner.

From the corner, it falls to Benni M and he hits the post. Stoke break but to no avail. Much better from Big Sam’s men!

Matt Derbyshire replaces Benni McCarthy for Blackburn, while Olofinjana replaces Amdy Faye for Stoke.

80 mins: Looks like both teams blew their load there. Lots of patchy possession in midfield, but Stoke are still happy to attack…

… and they almost score! Shawcross cuts in from the right, it falls to Olofinjana who volleys hard to Robbo’s right. He parries it and the rebound falls to Fuller (who’s a mile offside), and justice is served as he drags the shot wide of the far post.

82 mins: Whelan has space in midfield to shoot, and he puts it well wide under pressure. Pulis can call off the dogs now. Consolation goals are overrated anyway.

Sunderland take the lead right before Hull are reduced to 10 men. This is turning out to be a great weekend for two relegation-zone teams that just cleaned out their managers.

85 mins: Messy at the back for Stoke as Roberts threatens again, but Shawcross wakes up just in time to hoot it clear. Warnock then gets time on the left to whip in a cross, and it ends up in the stands.

Sub for Blackburn: Simpson on, Emerton off.

89 mins: Stoke almost get on the scoresheet as Chris Samba’s gaffe gives Cresswell a sniff at the near post, but it ends up scuffing the woodwork and going out for a goal kick. Robinson breathes again in search of the clean sheet.

BEST PART ABOUT SUNDERLAND AND BLACKBURN WINNING: It puts Manchester City in the relegation zone at 18th place. F*cking magic.

This game is just about dead. The loudspeaker announces Ryan Nelsen as Man of the Match, but we should check if managers can get the award, as Big Sam’s ability to waltz in and coax 3 goals out of a team that is woeful in attack is worthy of some accolade.

90 mins + 3: Roberts gets a whiff of Goal #4, but he finishes weakly at Simonsen’s feet. We’re just waiting to be put out of our misery now.

Stoke try gamely once more to get down the left wing, winning a throw for their troubles.

FULL TIME: Blackburn 3, Stoke 0
I think I’ll take a break before considering a Villa liveblog. That’s what being ill and confined to bed will do to you: it gives you the overwhelming urge to blog.

Written by Darkvader on December 20th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Complete and Utter Boredom and EPL and Liveblogs and Open Thread and Punishment for our sins.

Lazy Sunday, with a liveblog assist

You thinking what I’m thinking?

Spartak London!

Man, it’s happening.

Not much on the slate today, although the last time we said that we got Villa v. Everton, so low volume doesn’t mean low quality. Juventus and Milan square off with second place at stake for one (or both with a draw). Similarly Villarreal can jump into second in La Liga with a win over fourth place Sevilla.

Newcastle is about to finish off Portsmouth and, as I type this, Chievo Verona pulls one back from Inter. And because we’re the only people checking the scores, Yasuhito Endo’s 23rd minute goal held up as Gamba Osaka topped United in the Club World Cup (and a rematch of the AFC Champions League final). Unfortunately it was only Adelaide United. Without looking at anything for reference we think that leaves Osaka, Pachuca, Quito and Manchester United.

Play along in the comments if you have no life. Not judging. We apparently don’t either (especially as we’re about to liveblog this thing, courtesy of LB. Sad git).

Yep, why not join the game 25 minutes in to liveblog the festivities? Spartak have looked good thus far, but Upson, Noble and Parker are more than up for the task. Heck, just two weeks ago they had to contain the might and fury of Steven Gerrard, so dealing with Lampard, Deco and Ballack should be no big thing.

With Mike Riley as ref, you can be assured of controversy. This is shaping up quite well thus far.

STARTING LINEUPS:
Spartak London: Cech, Bosingwa, Alex, Terry, Ashley Cole, Mikel, Deco, Ballack, Lampard, Joe Cole, Anelka.
Subs: Hilario, Ivanovic, Drogba, Bridge, Ferreira, Kalou, Belletti.

West Ham: Green, Neill, Upson, Davenport, Ilunga, Collison, Parker, Noble, Behrami, Bellamy, Cole.
Subs: Lastuvka, Boa Morte, Mullins, Faubert, Tristan, Di Michele, Sears.

27 mins: Another attack from Spartak ends up with a corner off Ilunga. Spartak’s passing has been sharp, but the tackling in the middle from the Hammers is ferocious. Lamps tries a shot from 30 yards, but it’s resoundingly blocked and deflected out for a throw. Ball comes in again and Upson clears their lines.

Zola did get a good reception at the beginning. One wonders if they’ll be as warm to him at the end if the result is anything other than a Spartak win.

Andy Gray does point out that for all the possession and build-up, Spartak haven’t had a clear shot on goal yet. For half an hour in, the Hammers must be ecstatic.

30 mins: Ilunga gets a sniff of space in the Spartak box, and Joe Cole tracks back to knock it out for a corner. It’s boomed in but easily cleared by Ashley Cole. A bit of ping-pong in the midfield sees the ball lumped forward to Noble, but he’s 5 yards offside.

31 mins: Bright first half-hour for both sides. West Ham are finding some confidence in midfield, and Ilunga the volleyball specialist (see: last three weeks) has found some room out on the left. Some neat interplay between Deco and Anelka breaks to Bosingwa on the right wing. His trickery under pressure from Behrami finds Joe Cole in the middle, but they can’t get a shot off.

Bosingwa has a crack from 30 yards but it drifts wide of the post. West Ham breathe again, and Green takes the goal-kick.

33 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL at the Shed End, and Chelsea’s legion start hounding Mike Riley. Terry is first out there — an innocuous throw-in on the left comes to Noble, who shoulders it down on the touchline and feeds Bellamy at the edge of the 6-yard box. He chests it down and thumps it low to Cech’s right and just inside the near post. Chelsea appeal for two handballs, but upon replay, neither was illegal. Spartak London 0, West Ham 1

36 mins: How will the Blues respond? Plenty of midfield possession and the Hammers are continuing to throw two men at any Spartak player who has the ball. This is shaping up to be a frustrating afternoon for the home side, especially as Ashley Cole leaps two-footed at Scott Parker as he’s clearing the ball. Yellow card for Ashley, and another breather for the Hammers. Less than 10 minutes to half-time.

38 mins: Bellamy has really started to look dangerous over the last month. His hard work wins a corner. Spartak clear it and try to break, but the Hammers get 9 behind the ball and advantage lost. Davenport clears a deep cross from Bosingwa, and the Hammers defense looks strong.

40 mins: Carlton Cole (the third Cole on the pitch at the moment) gets booked, and the free-kick is headed over by Ballack. Drogba’s warming up already…

To answer your question, Spectator, yes, Scolari was in hospital with kidney stones yesterday, although one must think that watching ones team struggle at home to the Hammers and being a goal down against the run of play is far more painful than passing calcium deposits through ones urethra.

42 mins: The pressure continues… deep cross again from the right side that brings Green out to punch it clear. West Ham break but Cole coughs it up and Spartak surge forward again. Real end-to-end stuff at the moment. Joe Cole gets a yard of space cutting in from the left, but his scuffed shot is always heading wide of the post. A break again, and Green hoofs the ball well downfield.

45 mins: The crowd is getting a touch restless. I’d expect Didier to come on to start the second half.

Slight chance for Spartak: a couple of blocked shots break to Anelka who tries a shot from the top of the box, but Upson and Davenport throw themselves in the way, taking the sting off it and Green collects safely.

Bellamy ends up in the book for a trip, and Chelsea’s latest romp down the left wing ends up safely in Green’s hands again.

HALF TIME: Spartak London 0, West Ham 1
Boos from the crowd as he blows the whistle. Bellamy gets in Riley’s grill as they trudge off, moaning about his yellow card, and Lucas Neill diffuses the celebration.

What will Big Phil do in the dressing room? Surely Didier on immediately… any other changes? They’ve looked rather timid moving forward — tons of possession, but no real shots on goal. Troubling for Autoglass and Scolari. They need points, especially as everyone else dropped ‘em yesterday.

Don’t forget to stay tuned at 1pm as Sven liveblogs the NCAA Men’s Final (and fulfills our US Soccer content for another month in the process. I kid, I kid.)

Drogba on for Ballack. He receives some mild applause as he enters the fray, and it looks like Spartak are going to play a 4-3-3 with Joe Cole playing forward with Didier and Nicolas.

47 mins: My feed is skipping a bit, but the stage is set for a solid 2nd half. The Hammers will likely park the bus, and it’s up to Spartak to force a way through. Wouldn’t fancy it on the strength of Neill, Upson and Davenport back there, who have been positively epic for West Ham of late. A Spartak corner is headed clear by Carlton Cole, and West Ham try and break. Lampard breaks it up, and the attack begins again.

49 mins: Spartak are passing quickly, but not accurately, and the Hammers break again. Behrami finds Noble, who ends up slowing things down and Collison will just enjoy a game of passing with Upson and get it back to Robert Green. I smell a sending-off in the second half…

51 mins: GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL… and I’m sad to report it’s Spartak. Anelka is all smiles as Drogba finds Lampard, whose sublime flick frees Anelka to slot it home. We’re set for a pulsating 40 minutes… Spartak 1, West Ham 1

55 mins: The crowd is in full song (sorry for being vague, the video is skipping), but West Ham are still finding space moving forward. There are more goals in this one. Spartak open up West Ham down the middle and it needs a last-second tackle to stop Joe Cole. Spartak attack again, and a poor clearing header breaks to Lampard whose half-volley ends up in Green’s arms. Didier’s presence has completely turned the game around, and in just 10 minutes!

58 mins: Bit of tension as Drogba tumbles to the floor clutching his knee, West Ham don’t kick the ball out so he can get treatment, then Spartak break and shoot from which West Ham break again, and NOW Scolari gets aggressive in begging for the Hammers to kick it out. You can’t attack and then ask the other team to be sporting. Lampard wellies it miles wide of goal from 30 yards and Didier finally gets the magic spray.

59 mins: Lots of room in the midfield for both teams now. Lampard advances and shoots from 25 yards, blocked easily, and the Hammers manage to get it away. More goals imminent, surely.

60 mins: It’s all Spartak now. Bosingwa’s had four or five crosses in the last 60 seconds, and West Ham are having troubling getting the ball over the halfway line. It’s like watching a hockey team play with a man up, knocking the ball around and dictating play. Joe Cole cuts inside Ilunga and Parker has to lunge in and knock the ball out for a corner. It’s easily cleared by Upson and West Ham will try and retain possession for more than 15 seconds.

62 mins: Spartak surge again, but that pairing of Noble and Parker aren’t worn out just yet. Don’t forget to attack, Zola!

64 mins: Scrappy in the midfield and the tackles are coming in thick and fast. Lampard fouls Noble, only for Parker to return the favour. Spartak move forward again. Lampard and Deco link up, but Deco’s pass wide to Bosingwa is easily intercepted by Noble.

66 mins: Lamps has a crack from 25 yards, swerving and bouncing in front of Green, but he manages to collect on the rebound. Bellamy breaks but gives it up easily, and now Spartak break. Drogba looks for Anelka but can’t get through Lucas Neill. A breather for the Hammers, who get down the left-wing with Ilunga. His cross drifts harmlessly wide for a goal kick.

67 mins: Free-kick for Spartak is floated in. Alex flicks it back into the box, it’s half-cleared, and Alex’s shot is deflected out for a corner. Lamps swings it in to Drogba, whose volley is well-saved at the near post. Lucas Neill was Drogba’s marker, but fell asleep on the job. Deco gets a shot that ends up deflected over for another corner. West Ham try and break through Bellamy.

69 mins: Trouble for Carlton Cole, who bundles Alex down and has a poke at John Terry who is all over him from the ground. Riley calls him over, but no second yellow. He remains on for now.

70 mins: West Ham are still happy to attack, which is good for the entertainment value and good for Spartak on the break. Collison’s cross is headed clear, but nothing comes at the other end. Carlton Cole eludes four tackles to spring Bellamy free on the left, and his speculative cross/shot ends up well wide. Still, they’re not parking the bus. 20 minutes left. A draw seems like a fair result thus far. The Drogba effect has calmed down, and the last 5 minutes has been all Hammers.

First sub for WHU: Hayden Mullins on, Mark Noble off. One tough tackler for another, and Noble’s just coming back from injury.

73 mins: Both sides are cooling off somewhat after the frantic opening to the 2nd half. West Ham attack again, but like Spartak, their final pass is rather woeful.

Deco’s deflected shot ends up in Green’s hands under pressure from Ashley Cole.

Sub for Chelsea: Joe Cole off, Salomon Kalou on.

77 mins: The crowd is in full voice, but the game is winding down a little. Terry and Bellamy get into a ballyhoo at the Spartak end, and they’re still arguing with one another. I pray for a full-on fist fight.

79 mins: More Spartak pressure: Deco wins a corner, Green almost blunders on the corner and forces Parker to leap and head off the line, and then Green saves beautifully from Drogba’s shot. Panic averted as Spartak give away a free kick.

Another Chelsea sub: Mikel off, Belletti on. Are they hoping for another 35-yard wonder goal from the defensive midfielder?

80 mins: Can the Hammers hold? (My fucking video feed has frozen again… c’mon c’mon c’mon work, you bastard)

The Hammers surge forward again, and Bellamy’s cross gets cleared by Terry, Belletti and Alex as Cole is all alone in the box. West Ham retain possession and whip in another cross from the right, but it’s deflected behind for a corner…. Bellamy to take…

… it’s easily cleared. A point would be fair for both sides at this point. 8 minutes left plus stoppage time.

84 mins: Kalou heads for goal from the edge of the box, and unsurprisingly, it ends up a mile wide.

85 mins: Bellamy won’t stop running nor arguing. He’s in some good form, but his speculative run down the left ends in a goal-kick, but not before the tiny Welshman yells at Cech and Alex for reasons we’ll never know. As Andy Gray states: “he could start an argument in an empty house.” Well played, Mr. Gray. Well played.

Sub for West Ham: Boa Morte on, Collison off.

90 mins + 1: Sorry, my feed went dead and I had to switch. Three minutes of stoppage time left and the Hammers come agonizingly close to a winner. Carlton Cole gets an inch between Alex and scuffs a shot goalbound, but Cech gets down to it low to his right and holds. Spartak break but Drogba can’t handle the cross and Green collects. Nervous times for both sides right at the death. Two minutes left.

90 mins + 2: Lamps should have done better with his cross, as it ends up safely in Green’s hands. Spartak throw everyone forward and each time, West Ham clear it right back down to Cech. Can they hold?

Spartak are peppering crosses into the box, but Upson and Neill are clearing everything.

Late time-sapping sub for the Hammers: Bellamy off, Di Michele on.

Green clears again and Upson brings it down the left wing. Surely that’s it…

… Drogba has space but is blocked by Neill, and as West Ham jog back upfield, Riley blows the whistle.

FULL TIME: Spartak London 1, West Ham 1
A fair result for both sides, and a good result for those teams around Spartak in the EPL hunt. All the Big 4 drew this weekend; whoever said this league was predictable should amend their judgment now.

Stick around for the NCAA Men’s Soccer Final, as liveblogged by Sven!

Written by Darkvader on December 14th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Open Thread.

EPL Open Thread: Droppin’ Points like it’s hot

Sorry Mr. Dogg, no more Courvoisier… only Carlsberg

Ahh, Saturday is here again, and the appetizer to the pan-seared delight that is Barca v. Real Madrid will be an almost-full slate of EPL action. 3 of the Big 4 are doing the business today, which surely means they’ll all drop points. ‘Boro, Hull and Spurs are not teams to be taken lightly (as the first 80 minutes of the Arsenal game have proven… Aladiere’s header was rather nice), and as such, expect some hiccups along the way.

So, let’s get stuck in. Some lineups after the jump, as well as the fixture list. Bigus will undoubtedly leave a comment about the Norwich game, as I can’t be bothered to look up who they’re playing.

Will Redknapp’s men be inspired to victory? How late will Liverpool leave it to snatch a win? Will Paul Ince be fired by 5pm?

Onward and upward! Come draw with us after the jump. I’m off to the bar!

Fixtures
(10am kick-offs)
Aston Villa v Bolton
Liverpool v Hull
Man City v Everton
Stoke v Fulham
Sunderland v West Brom
Wigan v Blackburn

(12.30pm kick-off)
Tottenham v Man Utd

Some starting lineups

ASTON VILLA v. BOLTON
Aston Villa: Friedel, Cuellar, Laursen, Davies, Luke Young, Sidwell, Petrov, Barry, Milner, Agbonlahor, Ashley Young.
Subs: Guzan, Harewood, Delfouneso, Knight, Reo-Coker, Shorey, Gardner.

Bolton: Jaaskelainen, Steinsson, Cahill, Andrew O’Brien, Samuel, Davies, McCann, Nolan, Muamba, Taylor, Elmander.
Subs: Al Habsi, Smolarek, Gardner, Riga, Shittu, Basham, Obadeyi.

Early analysis: yep, 3-1 sounds about right. Barry/Milner/Agbo/Ashley will be too much for the Scandinavian beast between Bolton’s posts.

WIGAN v. BLACKBURN
Wigan: Kirkland, Melchiot, Bramble, Scharner, Figueroa, Valencia, Cattermole, Brown, Taylor, Zaki, Heskey.
Subs: Pollitt, Kingson, Kilbane, Koumas, De Ridder, Cywka, Camara.

Blackburn: Robinson, Ooijer, Samba, Nelsen, Warnock, Emerton, Kerimoglu, Andrews, Pedersen, Roque Santa Cruz, Derbyshire.
Subs: Brown, Dunn, McCarthy, Villanueva, Simpson, Treacy, Roberts.

Early analysis: FIRED! Roque won’t score, and seeing Zaki and Heskey starting together again is all you need to know. One wonders if Titus Bramble will have a say during the game’s dying moments.

LIVERPOOL v. HULL
Liverpool: Reina, Arbeloa, Hyypia, Carragher, Dossena, Mascherano, Alonso, Benayoun, Gerrard, Riera, Kuyt.
Subs: Cavalieri, Agger, Keane, Babel, Leiva Lucas, Ngog, El Zhar.

Hull: Myhill, McShane, Zayatte, Turner, Ricketts, Mendy, Ashbee, Boateng, Geovanni, Barmby, King.
Subs: Warner, Windass, Garcia, Halmosi, Marney, Cousin, Giannakopoulos.

Early analysis: Please lord, not a draw. I love how we have 4 winger/strikers on the bench. Wonderful planning. 5 across the midfield, then, although seeing Xabi and Javier playing alongside one another is cause for hope.

MAN CITY v. EVERTON
Man City: Hart, Zabaleta, Richards, Dunne, Ball, Ireland, Kompany, Elano, Wright-Phillips, Mwaruwari, Robinho.
Subs: Schmeichel, Onuoha, Vassell, Jo, Fernandes, Hamann, Ben-Haim.

Everton: Howard, Neville, Yobo, Jagielka, Lescott, Osman, Pienaar, Fellaini, Castillo, Arteta, Cahill.
Subs: Nash, Hibbert, Baines, Van der Meyde, Rodwell, Jutkiewicz, Gosling.

Early analysis: notice something weird about Everton’s lineup? That’s right… barely a striker. Also, I thought Van der Meyde was dead. Home win is looking assured.

STOKE v FULHAM
Stoke: Sorensen, Wilkinson, Abdoulaye Faye, Sonko, Higginbotham, Delap, Amdy Faye, Whelan, Pugh, Sidibe, Fuller.
Subs: Simonsen, Olofinjana, Cort, Cresswell, Pericard, Davies, Tonge.

Fulham: Schwarzer, Pantsil, Hangeland, Hughes, Konchesky, Davies, Bullard, Murphy, Gera, Dempsey, Johnson.
Subs: Zuberbuhler, Nevland, Gray, Etuhu, Stoor, Andreasen, Kallio.

Early analysis: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzwakemewhenit’soverzzzzzzzz

Written by Darkvader on December 13th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL and Lingering Bursitis and Open Thread and Real v Barca is the real draw today.

Sunday Open Thread

What’s it say about today that the best match on TV this morning is probably a replay of one that took place on Friday? Any variant of “nothing good” is an acceptable answer.

Portsmouth and West Brom are about to kick on Setanta, Villa and Everton follow in an hour on FSC. But if you have GolTV, and you missed it on Friday, you might want to catch the replay of Bayern Munich v. The Hoff being shown at 11 a.m. (EST, or are we EDT, fuck if I remember… all I know is that we’re really not an agrarian society so the time change pisses me off). Anyway, even better if you don’t really follow the Bundesliga enough that you don’t know the score, it was a pretty riveting 90 minutes.

In Serie A, Milan is 0-0 at half with Catania and Juve is 0-0 with Milk. In fact seven matches are at half in Italy, and there are a total of 5 goals. Evertonia has two of them. Good thing Italy makes no attempt to live its stereotypes down.

La Liga has a watchable match-up as Real Madrid warms up for next weeks’ tilt with Barca against Sevilla.

Is “Meet the Press” still on now that Russert is dead? I’d probably go have breakfast over any of these options, but I saw the Munich match on Friday. Really, it’s worth checking out just to watch Hoffenheim if you haven’t seen them yet. They have all kinds of speed and play fearlessly.

Written by Darkvader on December 7th, 2008 with no comments.
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EPL Open Thread: It’s Big 4 incompetence day!

Saturday, Sunday, happy days, win some trophies, happy days, become crap gaffers, happy days
happy days, oh what a day, losing all week for yoooooou

Well well, we’re up late again, although the thought of being on the end of a Vinnie Jones Glasgow Kiss (see below for that gem) would keep me up all night. I’d be petrified!

We decided to skip the early game (we all know it’ll end in a draw anyway) and begin our open thread journey at the beginning: 10am. The slate today promises action from all the Big 4, and the tension is killing me: I cannot wait to see who screws up today! Will it be Rafa? Will Scolari’s men fail to crack the resurgent Stupid F*cking Bolton? Will Fergie see another precocious player red-carded and spend the next 7 days in media spin heaven? Will Arsenal drop more points at home?

(All signs point to that last one, btw)

Oh, and don’t forget to pour one out yet again for Roy Keane. Poor lad. Ince thinks it’s a conspiracy because they were good when they were players. I say they’re just crap managers. What do you lot think?

So join us after the jump for the fixture list and some comments. Keep ‘em clean (unless they’re about Phil or Gary Neville; I f*cking hate those two.)

10am kick-offs:
-
Arsenal v Wigan
Blackburn v Liverpool
Bolton v Chelsea
Hull v Middlesbrough
Newcastle v Stoke

12.30pm kick-off:
-
Man Utd v Sunderland

Written by Darkvader on December 6th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Big 4 and EPL and Lingering Bursitis and Open Thread and who will screw up first.

Sunday Open Thread


Okay, so we’re already 30 minutes into the Manchester derby, but nobody has scored (yet) so we’ll just pretend we got the jump on the day before there was any action (outside of Swansea v. Cardiff). Chelsea v. Arsenal is the marquee match-up of the day. I’ll be watching it here with my sister the Tottenham fan. They’ve arranged 16 HD screen into one massive display they call the Cuatrotron. Plus it’s where both the Arsenal and Chelsea contingents in Austin have taken to watching the game. Yeah, I know, like you give a fuck about my morning.

And of couse in the three minutes it takes me to write these four sentences fucking United scores. Easy tap in for Rooney. Which as we know from his granny fucking tendencies is what he prefers.

Play along after the jump if you want to say meaningful shit like “Adebayooooooooor!” or “Fuck off Anelka.” Or if you want to tell us what you made for breakfast after dealing with crazy people.

Enjoy the games.

Written by Darkvader on November 30th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Arsenal and Chelsea and EPL and Open Thread.

Saturday Open Thread


It’s a light schedule today. Only 5 EPL matches, as well as a full slate of Colaship and SPL games. Everything starts at 10 Eastern today. Yay, congestion!

The games we are most likely to be following:
Aston Villa-Fulham
Stoke City-Hull City
Wigan-West Brom
Middlesbrough-Newcastle
Sunderland-SF Bolton
Sheff. Wednesday-Norwich
Aberdeen-Motherwell

Written by Darkvader on November 29th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Open Thread and ü75.

EPL Open Thread

Uh-oh, it’s another EPL weekend with a late thread!

Come on LFC. Only 3 goals in 40 minutes spread around 6 games. And 2 of them were scored by Bolton. Madness!


The story so far…
Chelsea 0-0 Newcastle
Liverpool 0-0 Fulham
Man City 0-0 Arsenal
Middlesbrough 0-2 Bolton
Portsmouth 1-0 Hull
Stoke 0-0 West Brom

Aston Villa v. Man U is the late game today.

Written by Darkvader on November 22nd, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on EPL and Lingering Bursitis and Open Thread.

Open Thread: The November Friendlies

I know you’re angry and scared, Fabio. An England midfield without Gerrard is a truly frightening thought

No, the November Friendlies isn’t the name of a new band from Ohio and we’re not Pitchfork. It’s time for international duties at the worst possible time, and in a period where everyone is so gripped by the league in full swing, or the Mickey Mouse Cup, or the early rounds of the FA Cup, or the Champions League, or the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, or Gentlemen’s Clubs or… well, you get the idea.

So many England regulars have handed in sick notes, and they’re facing ze Germans in Deutschland this evening, while some permed Argentine with a runny nose is prepping a team to play up in Scotland. No clue what that’s all about.

Talk about it all here. Will Maradona quit by half-time? Will England’s B team do anything worth paying attention to in Germany? How many of your team’s players will get hurt tonight (please, I beg you Daniel Agger, stay out of any nasty challenges)?

Quote BBC live-texter Caroline Cheese (yes, her real name):

I’ve just been in the United States of America for a couple of weeks, which is an utterly brilliant country except for the chronic lack of proper sport. I mean, the bombshell news about Aidy Boothroyd’s departure from Watford did not warrant a mention in a single newspaper. Not a single one. Unbelievable. It was all Obama this, Obama that. So personally I couldn’t be more excited about this evening’s action, my first taste of soccer… ahem, football, for fully 21 days. You?

Ouch. Still, she’s ready (and her sarcasm’s working nicely), and so are we. To the comments section!

Tonight’s Today’s games:
Denmark vs. Wales (kicked off at 2.15pm ET… nothing of note thus far)
Germany vs. England
Northern Ireland vs. Hungary
Scotland vs. Argentina

Other notables:
Oh, who am I kidding, there are none. Serbia beat Bulgaria 6-1 earlier, in case you bet the under by mistake.

LINEUPS:
Germany: Germany: Adler, Friedrich, Mertesacker, Westermann, Compper, Schweinsteiger, Rolfes, Jones, Trochowski, Gomez, Klose.
Subs: Wiese, Hinkel, Tasci, Helmes, Podolski, Marin, Hitzlsperger, Schafer, Weis.

England: James, Johnson, Terry, Upson, Bridge, Wright-Phillips, Carrick, Barry, Downing, Defoe, Agbonlahor.
Subs: Carson, Robinson, Lescott, Richards, Mancienne, Davies, Parker, Bullard, Young, Crouch, Bent.

Northern Ireland: Taylor, Duff, Evans, Baird, McGivern, Gillespie, Clingan, O’Connor, Brunt, Lafferty, Healy.
Subs: Mannus, Tuffey, McGinn, Feeney, Shiels, Paterson, Thompson.

Hungary: Babos, Bodnar, Rudolf, Juhasz, Vanczak, Halmosi, Toth, Vadocz, Huszti, Gera, Torghelle.
Subs: Fulop, Vermes, Feczesin, Horvath, Dardai, Dzsudzsak, Szalai.


Scotland: McGregor, Hutton, Caldwell, McManus, Broadfoot, Brown, Hartley, Ferguson, Commons, McFadden, Iwelumo (how he keeps his place is beyond me).
Subs: Marshall, Alexander, Naysmith, Maloney, Clarkson, Berra, Miller, Robertson, Barr, McAllister.

Argentina: Carrizo, Zanetti, Demichelis, Heinze, Papa, Rodriguez, Mascherano, Gago, Gutierrez, Lavezzi, Tevez.
Subs: Romero, Coloccini, Denis, Cata Diaz, Villagra, Burdisso, Sosa, Lopez, Montenegro, Gonzalez.


Denmark: Denmark: Sorensen, Bogelund, Agger, Rasmussen, Kroldrup, Kristensen, Norregaard, Nordstrand, Krohn-Delhi, Bendtner, Rommedahl.
Subs: Andersen, Mtiliga, Jorgensen, Andreasen, Retov, Vingaard, Ilso, Larsen.

Wales: Myhill, Gunter, Williams, Collins, Bale, Edwards, Ramsey, Nyatanga, Collison, Bellamy, Evans.
Subs: Hennessey, Tudur-Jones, Blake, Ricketts, Morgan, Eardley, Vokes.

Written by Darkvader on November 19th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Diego Maradona and England needs you and Lingering Bursitis and Open Thread and friendlies.

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