The saddest soccer crime ever.

Snake Eyes!

Poor, poor Scotland. I realize that times are tough for the world economy, but with soccer players north of the border in the SPL pulling in a lean $2500 a week (sad, I know), it’s no wonder they’re lashing out in frustration.

Like Hibernian winger Filipe Morais (the haircut fanatic in the pic above). He’s in trouble for using his kicking skills the wrong way at an Edinburgh casino.

From the Beeb:

“He [Morais] got into an argument with Robert Brown on a night out at Maxims casino in York Place on 26 September at about 0530 GMT. Morais, who earns £1,300 a week, has not played for the team since August. Witnesses saw Morais and his companions speaking to Mr Brown and an argument broke out at the casino. Mr Brown was punched in the face and knocked to the ground during a scuffle and Morais kicked his head as he lay on the ground. He suffered a burst nose and a split lip and was treated by the Scottish Ambulance Service.”

Not too good, is it? One wonders if it was part of his training while languishing in the reserves.

Seriously though, no good can come of this, although his lawyer, the wonderfully-named George More (the “More” presumably referring to the number of billable hours he’s always pushing for), tries hard to spin the incident into something so distressing that heck, if any of us had been in Felipe’s boots shoes, we’d have done exactly the same:

“Young footballers are quite often harassed or picked on or spoken to when they go out and my client went out that evening for a drink with a friend. My client kicked out when he was down as an act of frustration because the last part of his evening had been utterly spoiled by these two men. He was immediately regretful that he had done it.”

Man, it ain’t easy being a footballer. It’s all gambling, drinking, and 90 minutes of weekend work. Maybe they were teasing him because his salary seems so tiny?

So, the former Chelsea/MK Dons/Millwall/St. Johnstone player is going to be punished in the wallet, losing $1000 in fines, a further $1600 to the club for being out the night before a match (not exactly the best way to get back into the team), and possibly another two weeks’ wages for his off-hours casino kickabout.

No word yet on whether he’ll be able to pay his electric bill next month.

Written by Darkvader on December 17th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Hibernian and Lingering Bursitis and Scotland and crime and punishment and idiotic things to do.

Flasher Flasher Flasher

There once was a young lad at Hearts
Who enjoyed showing off his man parts
He disturbed several women
Now jail time is loomin’
His BP must be high off the charts

Alan Lithgow, like many men at the age of 20, is seriously horny. However, instead of chasing the readily-available tail that might be there for a soccer player who’s been capped by the Scottish U-19s and has a promising future in the sport, he gets his jollies the wrong way: exposing himself to women and performing sex acts on himself, and now Alan’s facing some jail time for his, ahem, efforts.

From the Scottish Daily Record:

Pervert Lithgow, 20, pleaded guilty to exposing himself in his home town of Airdrie, Lanarkshire, and in Edinburgh on four occasions last year.

The first offence took place on August 27 last year when he exposed himself and performed a sex act in front of a woman in Airdrie’s Petersburn Road. His next offences took place on October 15 when he flashed three different women on the same day.

The first was in Lady Ann Crescent in his home town. The second took place in Balerno, Edinburgh and the third in Gogar in the city, where he also performed a sex act in front of the victim.

Lithgow will be sentenced nextmonth at Airdrie Sheriff Court.

In a brilliant PR move, the director at his new club, Clyde, who signed him last month after Hearts released him in the summer, was swift to distance the club from Lithgow’s actions, making note that he was a flasher before he joined.

To add to the pile-on, the Record’s quote from a “soccer insider” reckons that Lithgow will never kick a ball professionally again, unless perhaps he’s coaching the prison team in a Longest Yard spin-off:

“Lithgow has been trying to cover this up and even Clyde were unaware until now. It is hard to believe that someone like Lithgow, who is meant to be a role model, would do something so disgusting. It is such a waste of talent and his career is over. No football club in their right mind would want him now. He is a disgrace to the profession.”

Tell us how you really feel, insider.

Lithgow received a deferred sentence until a full investigation concludes, but he does go on the registered sex offenders list while also facing the likelihood of being released by his new club.

To recap: soccer exposure good, dick exposure bad. The more you know.

Written by Darkvader on November 26th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Scotland and crime and punishment and flashers and nudity.

Scotland Wrap

An article popped up in my inbox the other day that made me contemplate that which I would rather not think about. I would think it rather obvious that anyone who goes into officiating a sport, especially professionally, is a fan of the sport. And, summarily, when one grows up as a fan of the sport, they have teams that they support. In a country like Scotland, which has half of its population centered around a city with two major teams, that support is likely to go to one of those clubs. Hence, it is entirely possible that a large portion of Scotland’s referees support either Celtic or Rangers and that, subconsciously (one hopes, at best) decisions are made that support these clubs.

I bring this up, and tacitly accept it as something that does occasionally happen, because of this past weekend’s Hamilton-Celtic match. Right before halftime, with Celtic down 1-0, a Hamilton defender gets beaten by a long ball and lets his mark in behind him. The defender clips the attacker’s heels and, last man back being what it is, gets a red card. That’s not the problem. The problem is that the foul occured about 2 yards outside of the box, and Celtic were awarded a penalty kick. In the video below, you can catch the foul at about 3:25 and see the replays thereafter (also, check out Hamilton’s early goal. Quite impressive).

Either the referee or the linesman is at serious fault here. Was one of them wearing green-hooped glasses when deciding to award a PK?

Celtic, to their credit, took full advantage of the call to even the match before halftime. In the waning minutes of the second half, Paul Hartley scored (7:20 of the video) and Celtic secured all three points in a scrappy match. That’s ten wins on the trot for Celtic, who look very much in control of the league.

Since the last Scotland update on here, three rounds of fixtures have been played. Rangers, of course, are fighting to keep up with Celtic, and did well the Saturday previous to destroy Kilmarnock away 4-0. However, in a midweek tussle last Wednesday, Rangers failed to score and drew Motherwell away 0-0. Saturday, with their team sitting four points back of Celtic (who were to play on Sunday), Rangers needed three points and got them with a 2-1 win over St. Mirren. Rangers appeared to ice the game pretty early, scoring twice in the first 10 minutes in front of the home crowd. St. Mirren pulled the one back in the 81st minute, but were unable to get any more.

Before Saturday’s match, Dundee United seemed to be sitting well in third place, while on a good run of form. Unfortunately for them, they crashed out against Kilmarnock 2-0. One would not have guessed the result considering that Killie had lost five straight, but that’s why they play the games, right? A goal on either side of halftime sent United down a spot into fourth.

Hearts were the beneficiary of the Terrors loss. Hearts took the long trip up to Inverness on Saturday and came away with a lackluster, but important 1-0 win. Bruno Aguiar scored the lone goal for the visitors, who now lead Dundee United by one point.

The match of the weekend, yes I’m biased, was Hibernian hosting Aberdeen. Hibernian had a stranglehold on the offense for most of the game, but Aberdeen stymied them time and again. In the 40th minute, Aberdeen took advantage of a mistake on a free kick to score. Hibs defender and captain Rob Jones ducked out of the way to allow his keeper to collect the ball. Darren Mackie nipped in behind him and nodded the ball past Andrew McNeil. Zander Diamond doubled the Dons’ lead in the 53rd, freely heading in a Sone Aluko corner. Hibs continued to attack, something they have done a lot os this year while playing a 4-3-3, and broke through in the 62nd. Rob Jones, he of the earlier mistake, knocked in a corner from close range. Hibernian, who outshot Aberdeen 18-6, continued to press for an eqaulizer and got one with the last kick of the game. Steven Fletcher proved the point-saving hero when he squeezed the ball into the net after a goal mouth scramble. It was a wild game where both teams could feel aggrieved for not taking all three points.

In the remaining game for the weekend, Falkirk defeated Motherwell 1-0, bringing the home side’s unbeaten streak to six in all competitions. The goal was scored by Michael Higdon, his third in the last three games, and came in the 37th minute. For Motherwell, it was the end of a week that saw the high of drawing Rangers diluted by two losses.

Current table (Team, points, goal differential)

Celtic, 37, +22
Rangers, 33, +21
Hearts, 23, -2
Dundee United, 22, +3
Kilmarnock, 19, -6
Aberdeen, 18, -1
——————-
Motherwall, 17, -3
Falkirk 16, -2
Hibernian, 16, -6
Inverness CT, 14, -6
St. Mirren, 12, -7
——————-
Hamilton, 10 -13

If there is anything surprising in this table, it’s that the gap from second to third is less than that of the EPL. Maybe Scotland’s southern neighbors should work on getting a league that isn’t so Top 2 heavy, huh?

Written by Darkvader on November 19th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Dodgy Refs and SPL and Scotland and ü75.

Scotland Update

Apparently, I find it too difficult to do this on a weekly basis. So, in order not to cheat those who actually click the link for a Scotland post, I’ll expand the one I do. SPL, SFL, Highland League, and whatever else I can fit in after the break.

As per usual in the SPL, it was a six game slate this weekend.

Rangers 5-0 Inverness CT
Rangers won the fast start award, knocking in five first half goals against Inverness Caley Thistle. The home fans were undoubtedly thrilled to see a hat trick from Kris Boyd in between the opener from never-to-be-a-Scot-international Nacho Novo and the final goal from Kenny Miller. For the American readers, Beasley came in on 74 minutes, while Edu did not leave the subs’ bench.

Aberdeen 1-0 Kilmarnock
Sone Aluko fired home for the Dons to earn the team’s first home win in six tries this season. Aberdeen had a flurry of chances around the half-hour mark, but wouldn’t find the net until shortly after half-time. Aluko peeled in from the left and blasted a shot from a rather tight angle in the 50th minute. Killie had some late chances after Aberdeen failed to expand their lead, but (thankfully) Aberdeen held on with a nervous win.

Motherwell 2-0 Hamilton Academical
Chris Porter scored once in each half for the home side as Hamilton fell further behind at the foot of the table. Porter’s first half goal was a redirect of a Bob Malcolm free kick. His second came at the expense of the offside rule, apparently. Still, the goal counted, and Hamilton had no reply. On the back of Porter’s brace, Motherwell move up to third in the table. Hamilton have lost six straight and eight out of nine.

Falkirk 0-0 Dundee United
St Mirren 0-0 Hibernian
*yawn* What is this, Ligue 1 from two seasons back? Score some goals, you tossers. That’s right, on Saturday 10 teams played, and eight goals were scored by three teams. I’m not even going to attempt to find something to talk about from these matches.

Hearts 0-2 Celtic
Hey, an away team scored goals! On Sunday, Celtic took over Tynecastle. In a surprise to none, Celtic had already put the game out of reach on twenty minutes, when Gary Caldwell scored Celtic’s second. Hearts went a man down early in the second, but acquitted themselves well in not collapsing completely. In fact, they had some attempts on goal, but Boruc was always equal to the task.

Celtic top the SPL table on 28 points from 11 games. Rangers are on 25 points, but have a game in hand and, thanks to those five goals, are even on GD with Celtic. Motherwell lead a pack of six who are on between 14 and 16 points, while Hamilton are starting to drift off the back.

In other SPL news, UEFA announced that next season, should Rangers blow it again in CL qualifying, they will go directly into the Europa League instead of being dumped out of Europe entirely. (Yes, that means Rangers are finishing second. Got a problem with that?)

St Johnstone lead the First Division by two points over Queen of the South. The Johnnies picked up first place by defeating Dunfermline over the weekend, while QotS lost to Partick Thistle. Morton are propping up the table, two points behind Clyde.

Raith currently top the Second Division on goal difference over Brechin City. Brechin lost first place on Saturday after a humiliating 5-1 loss to fifth-place Peterhead. Ratih took over the top spot after a twelve minute flurry of three second-half goals to defeat Alloa. Arbroath sit at the bottom with six points from twelve game, three points below Straraer.

Stenhousemuir maintained their Third Division lead over Dumbarton with 3-0 away win over fifth-placed Montrose. Dumbarton kept pace on points, though, by defeating struggling Berwick Rangers 5-2. Berwick are in ninth place, right above Elgin City, but still behind the fading newbies Annan Athletic

In the Highland League, Inverurie Locos are unbeaten in seven to start the season and beat Rothes on Saturday 5-2. Cove Rangers and Deveronvale are also off to hot starts this season with both teams sitting just two points back of the league leaders. Rothes are one of the two bottom teams, joined by the always-woeful Fort William FC on one point.

Finally, in the second round of the Scottish Cup, Spartans of Edinburgh were able to extract some revenge on Annan Athletic, who beat them out for the offseason’s SFL spot, by winning 2-1 on the road. Of course, it’s small consolation when the team that finished five spots below you in competition last season gets picked to jump ahead of you in league status, but they will take what they can get.

Written by Darkvader on November 3rd, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Highland League and SFL and SPL and Scotland and ü75.

Scotland Round Up

Thanks to a 1-0 away win, this column comes back. Inside, a look at the weekend that was in Scotland.

The weekend started out on Saturday with a 12.30 kickoff in Inverness. Just over 7000 fans showed up to see Caley Thistle host Celtic. Boruc was the early hero for Celtic, as his shot stopping kept the hosts without a goal in a frenetic, home-dominated, first half. Things quickly changed after the break. In the 48th minute, Lee Naylor crossed the ball in, and Scott Brown put it away. Less than 20 minutes later, Celtic struck again as Glenn Loovens redirected a Barry Robson cross. Caley Thistle replied quickly, but were unable to overcome the two goal deficit.
Inverness Caley Thistle 1-2 Celtic

The day’s 3 o’clock kickoffs had no real top of the table implications, but plenty of bottom feeders looking to put some distance between themselves and relegation.

Hamilton hosted St Mirren, and for all the talk of their status as worst team in the league, the Buddies acquitted themselves well, scoring three times. Though not all for the same team. St Mirren took the lead in the 17th minute through Franco Miranda whose blistering shot came from outside the 18. Hamilton levelled 10 minutes later, when Jack Ross knocked a cross into his own net. St Mirren retook the lead before halftime, when Billy Mehmet headed home. The second half produced no more goals.
Hamilton Academical 1-2 St Mirren

Aberdeen took to the road at Falkirk and, as should be no surprise, took home all three points. Coming into the match, Aberdeen had two things going for them. First, they had taken wins in two of three previous away matches this season. Second, they have not lost to Falkirk in league in a dog’s age. Still, it took Lee Miller heading in from Andrew Considine’s cross on Aberdeen’s only real chance to secure the win. The goal came in the 48th minute.
Falkirk 0-1 Aberdeen

The last of the three mid-afternoon kick offs seemed to be heading for a nil draw until Craig Bryson scored late into injury time. Motherwell had looked a good bet to hold on for a point despite being a man down for 25 minutes until Bryson slotted home a deflected shot from Jamie Hamill.
Kilmarnock 1-0 Motherwell

Sunday’s game was an Edinburgh derby, as Hibs hosted Hearts. Hibernian started the game off brightest, and only needed 90 seconds to go in front. Steven Fletcher was the early goal scorer. Hearts replied five minuted before the break when Bruno Aguiar beat both the wall and the keeper. This was a spirited contest, with five yellow cards handed out, though no more goals were to come.
Hibernian 1-1 Hearts

There was one more match to be played, but Rangers-Dundee United was postponed on the news of the death of Eddie Thompson, United’s chairman. The game has been rescheduled for November 4. United’s next home match will be a tribute to Thompson. All seats for the match against St Mirren will be £5.

As far as the table goes, Celtic take advantage of Rangers’ weekend off to build a three point lead at the top. Kilmarnock consolidate their third position, and Falkirk fall to the bottom, two points adrift of Hamilton. As for Aberdeen, 10th and climbing!

Written by Darkvader on October 21st, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on SPL and Scotland and ü75.

Government bailouts abound!

Yeah, not so much.

On the surface, though, it would appear that the Scottish FA Cup has been taken over by the government. What with the governmental sloganeering and the government controlling the branding and naming rights of the Scottish Cup for the next two years. In reality, it seems the cup and the government got a bailout on the matter from a certain businessman.

A former Celtic director ponied up the cash himself for the naming rights to the cup for the next two years. He then passed passed along those rights to the Scottish Government. They will use the rights to promote the 250th birthday of Robert Burns, a poet so bad, he never even learned to write English correctly (I kid).

There are two other things to take out of this article. One, Homecoming Scottish Cup is better, if only slightly, than City Refrigeration Scottish Cup. City Refrigeration is the business that Willie Haughey, the man who put up the cash, owns. Secondly, get used to those colors on the trophy for the next two years. I mean, a former director of Celtic doesn’t just cede the rights to what he paid for without some guarantees, right?

Written by Darkvader on October 15th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on SFA Cup and Scotland and ü75.

Scotland Round Up

Yeah, I didn’t get to this last week. The pain of seeing my club go bottom of the SPL precluded me from writing about it. Even Rangers shit-the-bed performance against previously last place St. Mirren couldn’t rouse me to write about the SPL. That was pretty funny, though. Also, I will not be talking about the Scotland NT’s performance against Norway. Suffice it to say that I was cheering in my living room before I had to stare blankly at my computer screen. “Why aren’t they celebrating?” is the nicest way to put what went though my head.

Instead, I’ll be looking at the different divisions of the SFL. I hope they don’t disappoint me as well. I’d hate to have to start writing Highland League updates and explaining the difference between Junior and Senior clubs. Again.

In the First Division, two team are tied on points at the top. Queen of the South and Livingston both have 18 points after nine games. QotS, though, are clear leaders at this points, having a much better goal differential (+11 to +2). The reason? Queens slaughtered Livingston last week in their first head to head matchup, 6-1. Ouch.

The three SFL leagues all have 10 teams a league, and each team plays a double home and home with each other club. That’s a fancy way of saying that each club has now played every other club in their league once. Close behind the two First Division leaders are Dunfermline, Partick Thistle and St Johnstone. Greenock Morton sits in last place, five points adrift of the ninth place squad.

Division Two sees Brechin City at the top by one point over Ayr United. Just off the pace are Raith Rovers and MJD’s favorite place name, Peterhead. Not a lot to talk about there, excapt for the so far non-challenge put up by East Fife. There were pundits before the season who said that East Fife would pull off a double promotion with ease. Right now, they sit seven points back, due to some horrible home form. Four points in five games at Bayview will keep you midpack, or worse.

In Division Three, Stenhousemuir have gotten out to a blazing start. Undefeated through nine, they hold a strong five point lead over Dumbarton. Annan Athletic, the new team to the SFL, started the season off in a flyer. They have since come back to earth, losing their last three league matches. The match of the season, so far, for entertainment values, has to be Elgin City hosting Albion Rovers on September 20. The hosts picked up three red cards (one straight, two cumulative yellows), gave up six goals, but never gave up hope. In the 88th minute, down five goals and down to eight men, Elgin City’s Darren Shallicker scored. Of course, Albion scored right back, but that’s beside the point. Elgin City, somehow, sit bottom of the Third Division table.

Finally, for those that miss the SPL coverage, well I don’t have anything for you. What I do have is a new SPL map from BillSportsMaps. Enjoy.

Written by Darkvader on October 14th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on SFL and Scotland and ü75.

Giant Miss-take.

Written by Darkvader on October 11th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Scotland and clangers and iwelumo and my nan could have banked that.

Scotland Wrap Up

Due to an outpouring of support (one guy at least), I’ll be reviving my once-a-week look at fitba from the league to the north of the EPL. Skip ahead if you like, but know this is the only post for at least half an hour.

This weekend saw the seventh round of matches take place. Rangers entered the weekend with a three point lead over Celtic. No surprises there, then. Hearts were one more point back. Hibs, Killie and Hamilton filled out the Top Six.

Saturday saw a slate of five games, with the big one being Celtic hosting Aberdeen. Early season from has not been kind to the Dons, at least at home. They nicked a point off of Rangers, but lost their other three home matches. On the other hand, Aberdeen came in perfect on the road, and, at one point, looked to be keeping that intact.

Celtic had the much better start, putting pressure on the Aberdeen backline early. It paid off in the 14th minute when Aberdeen failed to clear their lines, and Jan Vennegoor of Hessleink (now and forever to be referred to as JVoH on this site) slammed home from 10 yards out. Aberdeen upped their game for the rest of the half, and looked the better squad at the break.

That continued into the second half. In the 57th minute, a run down the right produced a cross that Lee Miller flicked on. All the Celtic defenders had run to the near post, leaving Charlie Mulgrew alone at the back from 15 yards. His volley found the back of the net. Twelve minutes later, Mulgrew took a blistering free kick from 30+ yards and beat both the wall and Boruc to the near post. Celtic should have immediately replied, but a open header from three yards out was bounced over the crossbar. No matter, Celtic would break my heart soon enough. Substitute Scott McDonald scored seven minutes after his introduction, and JVoH scored when the ball squeaked under Aberdeen keeper Jamie Langfield and off the post in the 90th. In a game where the teams were pretty even, it was one heck of a letdown for the struggling Dons. 3-2 Celtic.

The other Saturday games, i.e. the ones I did not watch, were home wins as well and went like this:
Dundee United slaughtered Heart of Midlothian 3-0. As the BBC guy said, this was a shoot on sight from 30 yards game for the Terrors. A couple of those went in, courtesy of Conway, Daly and Robertson.
Falkirk scored five against Hamilton Academical, but only four of them were in the correct goal. Scott Arfield scored a brace for the Bairns. Hamilton, which started their SPL campaign brightly, did not look good at all, and only a 90th minute own goal spared them sole honors for the worst defeat of the week. 4-1
Motherwell edged out St Mirren 2-1, reversing a 0-1 deficit from halftime. St Mirren felt hard done by in the 70th when the assistant referee signaled that Franco Miranda had elbowed his opponent while jostling for a throw in. The referee produced a straight red for the offense. To be fair, though, Motherwell had already taken the lead by that point.
Finally, Inverness CT continued their fine early season run by defeating Kilmarnock 3-1. Killie scored early, but Caley scored two in the first half and finished the game off in the 81st, shortly after Kilmarnock had Fowler sent off.

On Sunday, Hibernian hosted Rangers, and Rangers were not very nice. Hibernian had the early chances, with two clear efforts being saved. Rangers scored on the half hour, as Kenny Miller headed home against his former team. Miller scored again 10 minutes later and Madjid Bougherra produced the final goal of the match on the 73rd. The scoreline flattered the visitors, as Hibs had many chances. But,as we know, chances don’t count unless converted. Rangers retain the top spot 0-3.

Updated table (team, points, goal differential)
Rangers, 19, +10
Celtic, 16, +7
Hearts, 12, -2
Inverness CT, 10, +2
———————-
Kilmarnock, 10, -1
Hibernian, 10, -2
———————-
Hamilton Academical, 9, -2
Dundee United, 8, -1
Falkirk, 7, -2
Motherwell, 7, -3
Aberdeen (sigh), 7, -3
———————
St Mirren, 5, -3

Written by Darkvader on September 29th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on SPL and Scotland and just for joe. and ü75.

Maurice Edu gets hosed by Canadian airline shutting down

Maurice Edu, fresh off of getting his work permit and visas in line for his move to Rangers, got caught with another problem on his way to Glasgow. It seems his chosen airline ceased operations, leaving him unable to get to Scotland when he intended.

Zoom Airlines, based out of Ottawa, shut down yesterday without warning. To say people were caught off guard is an understatement. Now it seems that the delay is likely to cost Edu his start in Scottish football, a debut that would have come against Celtic, Rangers’ greatest rival.

So let this be a lesson to all of you. When traveling abroad, don’t choose the low-cost Canadian alternative.

Written by Darkvader on August 29th, 2008 with no comments.
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