We’re not sure what’s more awesome about this: the fact that Tiger Woods can’t be bothered to work with Federer and Henry (okay, probably just scheduling, but still…), that Henry needs to be told to smile when shaving or that, holy shit, it also stars Charlie in full Green Man get up.

Anyway, anyone who has ever worked in production can probably confirm that commercial shoots are indeed as boring, awkward and soul-sucking as they appear in this footage.

Tip of the hat goes to friend of UF, Adam (and to the little utility that let me rip the embedded video from the DBE site).

You should trust the BBC.
It is an Institution.

The other day, BBC News 24 kept repeating a mantra to me, numerous times every fifteen minutes on an eternal tape loop of hyperreal news: “Its official! Prices are falling!”
Accompanied by images suggestive of a festive splurge to save the immense number of businesses that are doing the decent thing, and waiting until January before keeling over, the consumerist message was clear.

But it was a lie.
Prices are not falling.
The rate of inflation fell to 4.5% from the previous month high of 5.2%.
Instead of addressing the volatility in the rate of inflation and the invalid pricing mechanisms that allow oil to be now trading at virtually one-third of its summer highs, the BBC lied to those threatened by the impact of numbers.

As I reeled from this corporate journalism, the following news item told me that “John Sargent has the right to win Strictly Come Dancing.”
The right??
The BBC wouldn’t be fiddling the figures again, would they?

Meanwhile, in Africa, child soldiers with their western-made ‘kiddie-weapons’ - nice and light - are butchering one another in the most dreadful realities away from the reality-lite lenses of the BBC.
All we ever get on Africa is Mugabe and Darfur.
Colonial revenge journalism of the worst kind.
The narrative never goes back far enough to address the structural reasons why the countries of Sudan and Zimbabwe are ungovernable. These structures were put into place by the British in the imperial divide-and-rule template.
Read Ryszard Kapuściński “The Shadow Of The Sun” or watch Al-Jazeera.
Forget the BBC.

We also get given international piracy and the ‘theft’ of the Sirius Star.
How much coverage does the BBC give to the theft in the Niger Delta or Angola?
Corporate theft is fine, thank you very much…
If these ‘pirates’ showed such ingenuity in the City of London, it would be termed ‘innovative’ and a fine example of ‘free enterprise’, and a bonus would be in order.

Somalia is a failed state thanks to the US/Ethiopian assault also, strangely, not worthy of mention on the BBC.
The ‘pirates’ that have been caught attempting to ply their trade look desperate.
The hyperreality presented to us is not an acceptable narrative.

In the midst of all these fake realities, the BBC foisted ‘Children In Need’ on us, without anybody making the really obvious point that, if the children dressed up as derivative traders, the government would look after them without the need for charity.
Why do the British so hate their children?

Gordon Brown, along with all other supporters of a boom and bust economy, is trying to rewrite history so that his fingerprints may no longer be found over the files marked ‘Recession’ and ‘Depression’.
When Slackjaw was first presented with the vestiges of power, he released democratic control over the level of interest rates by giving the Bank of England total power over this vital lever of the economy.
While Slackjaw promised us ‘no more boom and bust’, his policies were deliberately developing this very market cycle type. Central bankers love boom and bust because, overall, it is financially more rewarding for all involved in the financial sector.
Within government, Slackjaw exacerbated the cyclical hyperrealities by rampant public spending (good) and the private finance initiative (very bad).

Now, having thrown £500 billion at the banking sector, and, to the point of puerility, having told anybody who was willing to listen that he had nothing to do with this ‘global crisis’, we need to deconstruct the Slackjaw Scam.

As the Economist stated: “His bid to disavow all responsibility for Britain’s economic plight is another brazen intellectual heist.”
And then some…

The financial crisis is only global in one sense, everybody is going to suffer in the Depression.
The causes of the crisis were the psychopathic free market shenanigans in those countries that welcomed a neo-capitalist system in either their financial or their housing sectors.
Or both.
The US, Britain, Eire, Spain etc have brought the crisis to everyone else.
The countries least affected currently are the ones who avoided the free market prescriptions of the IMF, the World Bank and World Government.

The Basel II banking rules repeatedly allowed the banking sector to undertake self-regulation.
And still the ruse continues.

Naomi Klein: “First of all, the equity deals that were negotiated with the largest banks and also some smaller banks, representing $250 billion worth of the bailout money, this is the deal to inject equity into the banks in—to inject capital into the banks in exchange for equity. The idea was to address the so-called credit crunch to get banks lending again. The legislation that enabled this was quite explicit that it had to encourage lending. Barney Frank, who was one of the architects of that legislation, has said that it violates the act if the money is not going to that purpose and is instead going to bonuses, is instead going to dividends, going to salaries, going to mergers. He said that violates the acts, i.e. it’s illegal. But what we know is that it’s going precisely to those purposes. It is going to bonuses. It is going to shareholders. And it is not going to lending. The banks have been quite explicit about this. Citibank has talked about using the money to buy other banks.
“There’s another piece of this puzzle that is also borderline illegal, which is that in addition to the $700 billion that we are discussing, the $700 billion bailout, there’s another $2 trillion that’s been handed out by the Federal Reserve in emergency loans to financial institutions, to banks, that actually we don’t really know who they’re handing the money out to, because, apparently, it’s a secret. They could be handing it out to a range of other corporations — I think they are — but they’re saying that they won’t disclose who has received these taxpayer loans, because it could cause a run on the banks, it could cause the market to lose confidence in the institutions that have taken these loans. Once again, that represents an additional $2 trillion.
“The other thing that the Fed won’t disclose is what they have accepted as collateral in exchange for these loans. This is a really key point, because, of course, at the heart of the financial crisis are these so-called distressed assets. The value of these assets is enormously controversial. They may be worth very little. So if the Fed has accepted distressed assets as collateral in exchange for these loans, there’s a very good chance the taxpayers aren’t going to be getting this money back. So Bloomberg News has launched a lawsuit in federal court to find out who has received the loans and what has been accepted as collateral, because they believe that this lack of transparency is illegal.”

Joseph Stiglitz: “To too great extent, there has been a race to the bottom in accordance with the myth that deregulation breeds innovation. Instead, the innovation was greatest when it came to getting around the regulations designed to ensure good information and a sound financial system.”
It still is…

Stiglitz: “Financial markets are supposed to be a means to an end - a more prosperous and stable economy as a result of good allocation of resources and better management of risk. But instead, financial markets didn’t manage risk, they created it.”

This week Citigroup sacked 52,000 staff.
Citigroup are looking to use the bailout to takeover distressed banks.
This week, seven Goldman Sachs executives agreed to pass on their annual bonuses as the firm is about to post its first quarterly loss in its history.
No psychopathic market control there, then…

Meanwhile, former Goldman boss Hank Paulson continues to live in an alternative hyperreality: “We have turned the corner in terms of stabilising the system and preventing collapse.”
His partner in crime is not so convinced, as Bernanke thinks that “… overall credit conditions are still far from normal.”

Paulson has hoodwinked democracy.
This unelected investment banker is able to unilaterally determine the direction this handout/bailout/merger and acquisition fund is going to take.
As Congressman Paul Kanjorski said to Hanky: “We are trying to figure out… the 180 degree change you made in policy.”
The Troubled Asset Relief Programme (TARP) was designed to protect the financial sector against toxic assets.
Hanky decided then that the crisis was not one of liquidity but one of solvency.
Hence the 180 degrees…

But Hanky is still missing the point.
As John Authers said in the Financial Times: “But the problems of liquidity and solvency were not mutually exclusive. The liquidity problem remains. With the economy worsening, it becomes harder to raise those troubled assets.”

Hanky has scammed it all the way through…
Naomi Klein, once again: “In a moment of high panic in late September, the US Treasury unilaterally pushed through a radical change in how bank mergers are taxed–a change long sought by the industry. Despite the fact that this move will deprive the government of as much as $140 billion in tax revenue, lawmakers found out only after the fact. According to the Washington Post, more than a dozen tax attorneys agree that ‘Treasury had no authority to issue the [tax change] notice.’”

Gaming the Recession.
Guilty as Charged.

© Football Is Fixed/Dietrological

This has lead to speculation, with “Marca” giving the scoop that the
viable option could now be MAURO ZARATE (below) the Argentine
& LAZIO forward. The forward has had a great start to the season
with 7 goals from 11 games & has caught the attention of the big
clubs.

Lazio is considering exercising its buying option as the player is on loan
from Qatar team Al Sadd, which may complicate the Real Madrid
desires.

Another name doing the press rounds is Argentine forward & now
GENOA player DIEGO MILITO. The player is currently the leading
goalscorer in Serie A & knows well the Spanish League as he played
many seasons with Real Zaragoza.

Plenty of names being published & speculation is ripe at this moment.
Stay tuned!

Drogba misses home games against Newcastle and, crucially, the visit of Arsenal, on Nov 30, along with a trip to Bolton, as a result of the ruling by the FA’s regulatory commission, after the striker controversially threw a coin and made a gesture to Burnley fans during last Wednesday’s Carling Cup tie at Stamford Bridge.

However, Drogba, who has started only four games for Chelsea this season after recovering from injury, will be able to play in the club’s Champions League Group A game against Bordeaux in France next Wednesday.

The Ivory Coast striker could now be fined two weeks’ wages after Bruce Buck, the Chelsea chairman, confirmed Drogba knew the club were “not happy” with his actions after scoring against Burnley.

It has been a torrid season for Drogba, who claimed a year ago he wanted to leave Stamford Bridge following the departure of Jose Mourinho, He remains, but injuries have affected his season and now he is second choice front-man behind free-scoring Frenchman Nicolas Anelka.

Buck had earlier expressed hope that the FA would show Drogba some leniency, especially after the player issued an immediate post-match apology for his actions.

“Didier did something he should not have done,” Buck said. “However, you have to look at the fans. I believe the FA will take a look and find the culprits. To his credit, Didier apologised publicly almost immediately after the game.”

When Jamie Carragher threw a coin at Arsenal fans during an FA Cup tie at Highbury he was sent off and received the mandatory three-match ban. He also received a formal warning from police, and Drogba faces a similar talking to.

Hammersmith and Fulham Police continue to liaise with the FA and Chelsea in an attempt to trace the fan who initially threw the coin at the striker. Burnley have promised to do “everything possible” to find the culprit.

Police are studying CCTV footage from inside Stamford Bridge of the incident as well as reviewing Sky TV’s coverage of the game. They are also in contact with Lancashire Police, but so far no arrests have been made.

Burnley took further steps to find the culprit at the weekend when fans visiting Loftus Road were handed leaflets before the Championship game at Queens Park Rangers, asking for any witnesses of the coin incident to come forward.

The Baggies matched the visitors until Jose Bosingwa caught out Scott Carson, smashing his shot into the top corner.

Anelka ran clear to dink home a second then made it 3-0 before the break after latching on to Salomon Kalou’s pass.

Filipe Teixeira fired over for West Brom but Chelsea were always in control despite easing up in the second half.

The win sees Chelsea regain top spot on goal difference, following Liverpool’s 2-0 win at Bolton earlier on Saturday.

The Blues’ build-up to this game was overshadowed by the furore surrounding Didier Drogba, who threw a coin into the crowd in their midweek Carling Cup defeat against Burnley and is facing Football Association charges over the incident.

He was relegated to the bench here by Luiz Felipe Scolari, who has a crippling injury list to deal with and was down to his last 18 fit senior players at the Hawthorns.
But Scolari’s side put those problems behind them with a composed performance that saw them soak up some early pressure before scoring three quick-fire goals to kill the game off before the break.

This was Chelsea’s 10th successive away victory - a new Premier League record - and also their seventh on the road in the league this season.

Yet, despite eventually being outclassed, West Brom can still feel hard done by after a bright start which saw them go close in the first minute when James Morrison broke forward and fired inches over from the edge of the box.

The home side had another sight of goal when Borja Balero fed Ishmael Miller inside the area, only for the big striker to scuff his shot harmlessly wide.

A tough night - Mowbray

The Baggies have rightly won plenty of plaudits for their passing football this season but goals - and points - have not been forthcoming and it was a familiar tale of woe for Tony Mowbray’s men here.

Chelsea’s fluid passing game took time to get going but they were soon creating chances themselves and Scott Carson had to make smart stops from Frank Lampard and Florent Malouda.

The Baggies were still acquitting themselves well, however, but that changed when Bosingwa opened the floodgates with a shot out of nothing on 34 minutes.

There seemed little danger as the Portuguese defender cut in from the right but he surprised everyone - including Carson - with a precise shot into the top corner that the keeper got a hand to but could not keep out.

Anelka’s form is fantastic - Scolari

Matters got worse for West Brom four minutes later when Anelka opened his account, latching on to Malouda’s header to race away from the home defence and dink the ball over Carson.

And the Frenchman made sure of Chelsea’s victory in first-half injury-time when he met Kalou’s pass and found a gap between Carson and his near post with a clinical finish.

It was Anelka’s eighth goal in his last four league games and how Mowbray must wish he had a striker of his calibre in his squad - Anelka was the biggest difference between the two sides.

Chelsea looked in the mood to add to their tally at the start of the second half when Carson had come off his line to deny Malouda.

But the Blues knew their job was done and they took their foot off the pedal as the game wore on.

Deco fired over and Anelka had a goalbound shot blocked but West Brom had as many opportunities in front of goal in the final half hour.

The Baggies could still not find the target, however, with Teixiera firing over after running at goal and fellow substitute Do-Heon Kim volleying Paul Robinson’s cross a yard wide.

West Brom boss Tony Mowbray:

“You always know when you’re playing one of these sides, it’s going to be a long day if they get their noses in front.

“For 30 or so minutes we didn’t hold our own but we were hanging in there, then Boswinga stuck one in and it became a tough one.

“Against these teams you’re putting you finger in the dyke at times.”

Chelsea boss Luis Feilpe Scolari on Nicolas Anelka:

“He’s played almost every game, he has more confidence, he not only plays inside the area but also outside, he is fast, and now that he has confidence he will score more goals for us.”

West Brom: Carson, Zuiverloon, Meite (Donk 68), Olsson, Robinson, Koren, Morrison (Filipe Teixeira 58), Greening, Borja Valero, Miller, Bednar (Kim 46).
Subs Not Used: Kiely, Cech, Brunt, Moore.

Chelsea: Cudicini, Bosingwa, Ivanovic, Terry (Ferreira 85), Bridge, Lampard, Mikel, Deco, Kalou (Ballack 68), Anelka (Drogba 74), Malouda.
Subs Not Used: Hilario, Ashley Cole, Sinclair, Mineiro.

Booked: Terry, Bosingwa, Ivanovic.

Goals: Bosingwa 34, Anelka 38, 45.

Att: 26,322

Ref: Steve Bennett (Kent).
man of the match: Chelsea’s Nicolas Anelka 8.66 (on 90 minutes).

2007 USL-1 finalists Atlanta Silverbacks decide that playing in 2009 is not something they want to do [Our Sports Central]
Ronaldo the Fat to retire. Was anyone actually planning on him not doing so? [BBC]
The idea of Ze Roberto becoming a pastor seems the equivalent of Nigel Tufnel selling hats [Eurosport]

UK teen girls want to be WAGs instead of something useful. Thanks Posh [Telegraph]
Whatever happened to the 3-5-2? [Guardian]

And, finally:
Take note. This is not how one should celebrate a victory in the post-match press conference [Times Online]

Photo credit: USMNT Blog

Random thought: Is Colorado the worst run MLS franchise?

7:51 - Hey, its fucking cold in NYC tonight. I need some scotch

7:51:30 - USA starting lineup:

Guzan; Thorrington, Goodson, Parkhurst, Bornstein; Mastroeni (c), Clark, Adu, Kljestan; Cooper, Altidore

I’m actually mildly excited to see Kenny Cooper back in action tonight with the Nats. Adu needs to do a better job creating chances in the midfield tonight than his shit performance during the T&T game last month.

7:55 - Is it just my TV or were these girls on old American Gladiators a lot beefier than the ladies of today?

8:00 - And we are live from the Dick. Brilliant. Lets see how ESPN spins this unimportant game

8:02 - No Carlos Ruiz for Los Chapines tonight. Flores, Noriega, Albizuris, Castrillo in the back. Didn’t see the rest.

8:06 - Anthem time. Guatemala players doing the El Tri salute here. The Dick looks to be rather flaccid tonight. Lots of empty seats.

8:07 - Guatemala players are all wearing Under Armor long sleeves under their jerseys. It probably feels like Lambeau Field to them in Denver tonight.

8:08 - This is the year that the MLS Cup is on the West Coast? I’ll put the O/U on Red Bulls fans in attendance at 500.

0 min - And we’re off.

2 min - Long ball to Jozy down the right but he falls over. Maybe should have been awarded the foul on the edge of the box. Adu turnover count = 1.

5 min- Gorgeous through ball from Sascha to Kenny Cooper, but he’s offside. Cooper looks beastly in full stride.

7 min- Freddy wins a corner after some good work down the right. Ball is whipped into the box but cleared. Harkes praising Adu for theatrics and getting on the refs early. I guess that’s why he’s in Monaco.

8 min - Long ball from Clark to Jozy, who almost executes a perfect side volley. Ball goes out off the keeper, but no corner is awarded. As PR notes, the Mexican ref is probably going to be less than generous tonight.

10 min - US continues to play long balls up to the Cooper/Altidore tandem. Kenny in particular looks very good so far. At some point on of those is going to result in a goal. Guatemala not looking particularly inventive so far. In fact they look pretty unenergetic so far.

13 min - Klesjian with a through ball to Altidore. Jozy tries to play it across the face to Kenny Cooper, but a defender clears it. He probably had the keeper beat near side. The ensuing corner comes to naught.

16 min - Great move starts with a turnover gathered in by Ricardo Clark. Adu rampages down the right, and a corner results. The ball comes to Freddy at the top of the box and he almost pulls off the wonderstrike from 25 yards out. That was close.

18 - Well, Sunil Gulati needs his money, right? Holy Crap Freddy with a marauding diagional run down the center, puts a stinger off the keeper’s hands. Rebound comes to Kenny Cooper who is denied by a good save. Shots so far are 6 to 1 to the United States.

20 min - I think we paid like $50 at least for USA Argentina this summer at Giants Stadium. Then again, some serious star power was in attendance for both sides. Another great move results in Bornstein free on left down the box. Unfortunately his cross goes over everyone. Alitdore and Cooper looking very very good up top.

22 min - Wow. A stone cold penalty as Thorrington is taken down in the box. The Ref is becoming somewhat less popular. Harkes is livid. Anyone remember what happened to Brian Hall last year down in Mexico during a CCCF game? Needed a police escort out of the stadium after some bad calls.

24 min - USA! USA! USA! chants ring around the stadium. Needs more cowbell.

29 min - Ricardo Clark almost goes in free on goal, but cannot corral it. The US has had a lot of half to 3/4 chances, but Altidore’s was the best so far. Let’s not make this Arsenal-esque, boys.

31 min - Kenny Cooper hits the bar on a header. A nice ball from Clark. I’ll say it again for the twentieth time, but that Cooper is a beast. On the other end, Figueroa splits the defense and almost gets a ball across the box. Broken up nicely by Parkhurst.

34 min - Pace has slowed down a little bit. US is still keeping possession but continues to play an England circa 1987 hit and hope style.

37 min - Freddy, on the left now, crosses wide over to Cooper. ManBeast has trouble with his first touch, but somehow lobs the ball to Jozy. He falls down again in appeal for a penalty. You can guess what the call was.

40 min - ManBeast fouled in the middle. Harkes rather diplomatically says Guatemala play “physically.” Some might say dirty….At least El Pescador isn’t playing right now.

42 min - More possession from the US. After some nifty passing Adu is fouled 35 yards out. Freddy takes the kick, which swerves over the wall but is easily handled by the Guatemalan keeper.

45 min - Guatemala put a decent cross in which is headed just over the crossbar. The ensuing corner is cleared, and the whistle mercifully blows.

HT - So far its a typical Concacaf game. Guatemala doesn’t look particularly threatening, but the USA has been unable to convert on their ample possession. The US midfield can’t deal with the 11 men behind the ball and foul ‘em defense employed by Guatemala. Its games like this where you can see the the clear gap in class between the European based guys and MLS players.

HT2 - Random trivia. I was at the last game the USMNT played in Colorado. 80,000 at Invesco field in Spring 02 right before the World Cup against Mexico. The club level was all soccer moms and dads, and the lower and upper levels were chock full of rowdy Mexicans.

46 min - Second half starts with a nice cross from ManBeast that Altidore almost geads in. Ensuing corner is caught by the keeper.

49 min - Food update: Lamb Kebobs and hummus. Game Update: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

54 min - Guatemala have a chance here. Its 0-0 in the Cuba T&T game. Wow. Kenny Copper scores on a nutmeg of the keeper. He got a great ball from Jozy and Cooper buried it! Your 2010 front line? 1-0 USA

56 min - Guatemala are on their heels a bit here. Freddy a decent chance from the top of the box saved by the keeper. Offensive subs on. Marco Pappa of the Chicago Fire comes into the game.

61 min - Adu and Altidore busting out some Joga Bonito on the give and go. Unfortunately Adu’s shot is saved by the keeper. FWIW, my 2010 starting XI as of right now is:

Howard, Cherundulo, Gooch, Bocanegra, Pierce, Bradley, Beasley, Donovan, Dempsey, Jozy, Cooper. Freddy the super sub off the bench.

63 min - Mastroeni unleashes a scorcher from 30 yards that nearly beats the keeper. The rebound unluckily bounces right off Jozy’s chest.

66 min - Sascha Klesjian just had a great chance but it was saved. This game could easily be 3-0. Random thought since we are talking about the MNT player pool. Where on earth is Benny Feilhaber? Jozy, meanwhile, gets fouled on the edge of the 18. A yellow that could have been a red.

67 min - Holy Shit! The ensuing free kick is curled beautifully by Freddy into the top corner. His first goal for the USA. Beckham quality right there. 2-0 USA!

71 minutes - Dwight Yorke has scored for T&T. The Fat Lady is warming up for Los Chapines.

89 min - Sorry lads, just had to chat with the GF on the phone. The Ching/Casey duo is not quite as hot as the Jozy/Kenny one eh?

92 min - Mexico are down to nine men, trailing 1-0. But I don’t think its enough with Jamaica only up 3-0 to Canada.

93 min - I think Mexico is through here. Although Honduras has a corner. Excitement differential is massive. That stadium looks like its going to explode.

Final - 2-0 USA. Great work up front by Jozy and Cooper. Adu sort of went in an out of the game, but he had some good chances. Midfield was ok, although Mastroeni picked up a card which will rule him out of the next round of qualifying. Defensively, the backs pushed up quite a bit, but Guatemela didn’t really have much attacking threat. Parkhurst is defintiely useful, though, as the #4 or #5 CB in the US pool. Thanks for hanging out.

However, Spain are on another level, they played with class, passing the
ball around as if on a billiard table. Young At.Bilbao player Fernando
Llorente debuted in the 2ºhalf, Torres was back & scored, Xavi was
sublime, Villa is just there, Riera was solid, Cesc magic, Ramos - good
to see you back, Capdevila the man, Senna the wall, Alonso vision…
& on & on.

DAVID VILLA scored the penalty in the 36th min to become the 5th
highest scorer in the National Team History…he will score more.